My wife has IC

[pooh]

I've been maried for 11years and half that time i have been dealing with my wife having this terrible thing. I can't even think of the pain she is going through with this. I love her very much and have a real problem watching her go through this. I wish i could take the ic away from her life. I try to be there for her with ever doctors apt/hospitile visit. But there's not very much help in little old Boise Id. We go to a pain doc. in a coulple of days god i hope and pray that works cause im running out of options hear. I want the doctors to know what it's like to go through this cause then thay would not look at her funning and tell me that she has a problem with the pain drugs. I just love going to the ER and have the doc look at me funning when i tell them what she has. Then i tell them what to give her as far as pain med's. I want'ed to know how many husbands are out there and want to talk about this. I guess i don't want to be alone in this.

[Teri]

My hubby would NEVER get on here a post....YOU are one SPECIAL man All IC patients NEED and DESERVE a partner who is as wonderful as you are teri

[NancyB]

Dear Pooh -

You are truly a wonderful human being! Your wife is one of the most fortunate people in the world to have YOU. Sometimes it is unclear who has it worse - the ICer or the one who has to watch it.

If you need help, you can always come to this site and chat with others who will help you with your pain too. And, you can always go and see someone professionally to deal with the pain you are going through as well. Don't be afraid to do either of these things. If your wife has the disease, you do too.

Again, give yourself a big pat on the back. You deserve it.

NancyB

[lady pilot]

Hi My wife has IC and like you have pretty much the same story. We have been married thirteen years and they only diagnosed her two years ago. Like you I hate seeing my wife in pain and I pray they find a cure soon so no one will have to suffer. You can e-mail me if you want so we can talk more.
[email protected]

[basket_baller]

I am engaged to a wonderful woman. When I met here. She felt 100% fine. after a year into our relationship which started when we were 21 she got a "flare up" (i guess you would call it that). this flare up has lasted from a year ago to the present time. I call it a "flare up" because she used to have it, then it went away, then it came back. Her symptoms are feeling like she has to goto the bathroom all the time. she has no pain just discomfort. the doctors told her she has a mild mild case of IC. The problem isnt necessarily the IC. The problem is the depression which is caused by the fact that she doesnt feel well all the time and she cant control it. (she is a bit compulsive). I know exactly how you guys feel. sitting there and not being able to do anything. i try to make things better but it seems like someitmes i just make it worse. I am 24 now and she is 22. we are getting married next year. about a year ago when her IC came back she got really depressed. then she pulled out of it and has been ok for the past 10 months now she is depressed again. so depressed that she says things like i dont care what you get me for x-mas. i dont care about our honeymoon. those types of things. she has had counselling before but doesnt really believe in it. she is really stubborn like most compulsive people. last year when she was depressed was the hardest time in my life ever. i dont want to go through that again. i dont really havae answers or questions i just needed to vent.
mike

[Sherry from GA]

Dear Basket baller,

First let me commend you for being a young man WILLING to go through this with the woman you love. Please understand that this illness affects every aspect of our lives. For me, going to the grocery store on "flare" days is a monumental undertaking. The depression comes from the intense pain and unpredictability of this illness. I can tell you that many a marriage and relationship has broken up over this illness. Why? Because for many men they simply cannot understand how the bladder can so impact a woman's sexuality. You see for nearly 70% of all IC suffers have painful intercourse. Living with this illness is so painful that many women "don't care if they ever do IT again." It doesn't have anything to do with not loving you, but it has everything to do with intense vaginal and pelvic pain! Many men simply cannot tolerate the year after year of their wives or girlfriends being sick. Your challenge if you really love this girl is this: To try to the best of your abilities to be as supportive as you can. Their will be times when she will take your head off just because of the shear volume of the pain. Also understand her tremendous guilt. None of us wants to be "less of a woman in the sex department." I encourage you to speak openly with her about all of these issues. I mean the sex, how your going to handle a long-term illness as a couple, everything. You are still very young so really make sure that you are "up to the mature challenge of living with an IC patient." Never be demanding of sex when she is ill. No amount of threatening or pitching a fit will make her be able to "perform." I only say this because many ICers have husbands that don't understand why their sex lives have to suffer. But finally, you sound like a very mature young man so I've no doubt that your up to these challenges. Just remember that at times you cannot be the center of her world as she is having a hard time coping with the pain and mental anguish. However, knowing that you love and support this girl will be of great comfort to her.

Sherry

[susie]

Hello, I would like to say that there are alot of Men out their that could learn alot from you.
My husband is not supportive of me at all. He thinks that I am a drug addict. He has gone as far as too take my pain medicine away from me, and he never has returned any of it.
I wish more than anything that he would just TRY to understand the pain that I feel. He thinks that I am just lazy and that I like too stay home all the time.
Sex, well sex is a whole different story. I can't hardly stand to even think about it. He has even accused me of having an affair because I tell him that I just can't do "it". When I do give in to him (just to shut him up)I suffer for days afterwards.
So I ask you this....WHY AREN'T THERE MORE MEN LIKE YOU ?
Your wife is a very lucky lady to have a man like you....keep up the good work.

Susie

[redstonebef]

My goodness I can not believe he took your pain meds away. My husband would find all his clothes on the porch and the lock changed if he did that too me. That is just plain mean. Sorry didn;t mean to bash him so badly. Hugs to you and everyone else in pain.

redtonebef

[karhopp]

Hi, basket_baller Sounds like your girlfriend has IC the same way I do. No pain, but the constant urge to go to the bathroom, plus I have extreme frequency. It is very uncomfortable and depressing. She is in alot of distress. It's hard to concentrate on anything. You really don't feel like going anywhere or socializing. Even having to leave the house is a major ordeal. Stick with her and support her all you can. She needs you. Hopefully she will find something that will help her or she might go into a remission. Good luck to you both. Karla

[ICNDonna]

I'd just like you supportive men to know how very important it is to have support and understanding. I am fortunate enough to have a thoughtful, caring husband who knows what I have and it means so very much.

Sending a hug for each of you,
Donna

[Murph]

I am a man with classic IC and it's good you husbands whose wives have IC are compassionate without having to endure this disease. I am pleased there are spouses out there who truly believe their spouse's pain and the need for pain clinics/opioids. I get the 3rd degree from relatives about pain meds. It's good to know you don't have to have IC to know the pain involved.

[louise b]

To basketballer - your girlfriend is so lucky to have you - I am 24 and my fiance is 27 - he is always there for me though sometimes I think he finds it hard to understand. He is good though - he never makes me feel like a nuisance or embarrassed and when I get upset he always reassures me. Sometimes I ask him why he is with me because I can't do much - I don't like to go out. You sound like a lovely person - just carry on giving your girlfriend lots of support, also, you could log on to on of the IC chatrooms. Wishing you and your girlfriend health and happiness x

[basket_baller]

Hi guys, thanks for the support. I wish the best of luck to all of you! I do believe in miracles and sometimes I think that is the only way my fiance can get over it. So I hope all you can have a miracle for you also! We are dealing with it better now than when I wrote. The support really helps though. I am glad I found this website! Take care and God bless.
Mike

[thirdwood]

IM SORRY ITS BEEN A LONG TIME, BUT WE HAD OUR SISTER MOVE OUT AND SHE TOOK THE THE COMPUTER WITH HER. SO TO MAKE A LONG STORY SHORT I GOT ONE FOR MY WIFE FOR X-MAS SO WE COULD GET BACK ON THIS SITE. MONICA(NOW-TIGGER) AND MY SELF (NOW-THIRDWOOD) ARE BACK. We are so happy to be here that infact monica has spent most of the day on here. Even when i get home from work i cant wait to get on and start looking at stuff. For some of you who might remember us we were mpspooh and mlspooh. Thank you for the kind words and suport that we get from here it really means alot to us and our sanity. Monica is going to a pain doc. now and doing the best that she can. There for a while she was having her bladder stretched every month do to a baldder infection. We got the bladder infection under control and its been about six mounts since she had her bladder stretched. She sees the pain doc every mounth and gets her months pain meds and so on. We take one day at a time. We also go to a marriage counselor once a week to help with us. which is very inportant to both of us. I am still in very much love with my tigger!!!! [img]tongue.gif[/img] [img]tongue.gif[/img]

[rhonda]

I just want to say to all of you that have understanding/supportive spouses and family memebers - That you guys are so very lucky.
My husband does not understand, and sometimes I am certain that he does not want to understand.
I beg and plead with him, but he refuses to understand. You see he is not adapting well to the role reversal here, he never had to do anything except go to work and come home. I did everything, and I do mean everything except mow the yard. Now, I have to will myself the energy just to go to work, and if I happen to make it through the day I am very lucky.
Anyway, I just want to say you are all lucky if just one person around you understands.
My 14 year old daughter is the one that cares for me and I know it gets very hard and frustrating for her, she wants to be out with her friends doing fun stuff but she stays with me, and hardly every says a word. I know this is hurting her, and I do not know what to do. My illness, loniness and depression is ruining her life.
So, through my rambling - I guess I am asking for advise, what should I do - I cannot stand to see her suffer and I cannot get my husband to understand.