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  • No therapist but probably a lawyer!

    [img]confused.gif[/img] Welp, the husband absoluately refuses to go for marriage councelling (cuz there's nothing wrong with him, it's all me) but he seems very willing to talk to an attorney and I'm to the point where I'm going to let him. I just can not fight being sick and him too.....

    I've finally gotten myself on medication to where I can function a couple of hours a day and I've been so excited about that. Well, I've been in a huge fibro flare since Saturday and have been spending most of my time sleeping and today I was told that there were things I could do to make his life run smoother if I didn't lay in bed all day. )can't go into detail cuz it would all be *************************** [img]wink.gif[/img] )I lost it and said a whole lot of things that have been bottled up inside of me for a long time, I just can't fake this marriage any more. I'd done.....can't keep <img src="graemlins/banghead.gif" border="0" alt="[banghead]" /> for the rest of my life. It just isn't worth it. If he files, he files.

    I am putting this in the hands of God cuz I sure has hell don't have a clue what to do anymore...he is suffering from severe depression and refuses to go for help or medication. I refuse to go back into councelling alone because this is an "US" problem, not a "me" problem.

    Someday I will see the lesson in all of this.....
    teri
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Courage does not always roar. Sometimes, it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow".

  • #2
    Teri,

    Not sure what I can really say to help you or make you feel better..except that I am going to say many extra prayers for you that you find the strength to perservere through yet another huge weight on your shoulders....you sure have had enough of them...I am so sorry about all of this..please know that you are in my thoughts & prayers...you are always here for so many of us on the boards..so inspirational and caring and concerned..I am so saddened to hear you sound so drained...please hang in there...prayers & hugs for Teri....

    Lori

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    • #3
      Hi Teri!

      I know what are you feeling

      For us is very difficult this illnes, because we have our problems and the problems of our family, and it´s unfair!!

      I was talking to my husbond about this, and I told him that for this time, his problems are "his problems" and my problems are "mine", because I can´t with all!!, and I asked too help with our kids!, because they are "our kids" no "my kids"

      I think that you have to do that, think and solve your own problems, you have to think only in yourslef and love yourselfe, and when you´re better you can carry with the rest of the things, problems and feelings of your family

      That is what I do when I´m in flare!!

      God luck!!

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      • #4
        Teri,

        I am so sorry to hear about how your husband is treating you. You do not need this stress, rather he should be supporting you. It is indeed quite hard for one person to carry the marriage, and that is too much stress for you. You take care and know that many, many people love you and support you. Your friend, Gail

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        • #5
          <img src="graemlins/grouphug.gif" border="0" alt="[grouphug]" /> Teri, I'm so sorry you are going through this. You can't deal with his problems when you are so sick. Why can't they understand that we are really sick? I'm praying for him to open his eyes. Hang in there.
          Alyson
          Alyson
          -------------------------------
          If you have time to worry, you have time to pray!

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          • #6
            Teri,

            There are no right words to express the sadness that I feel for you and our Husband as you both face this most difficult situation before you. In this time of sorrow, my thoughts and prayers are with you. <img src="graemlins/angel.gif" border="0" alt="[angel]" /> <img src="graemlins/angel.gif" border="0" alt="[angel]" />
            (((((((((((((((((TERI))))))))))))))))))) <img src="graemlins/grouphug.gif" border="0" alt="[grouphug]" />

            Love and Hugs,

            Kara
            "Never take, I don't know how to help you as an answer."

            [email protected]

            Kara

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            • #7
              Dear Terri,
              I am sorry to hear what you are going through with your husband. I too go to counseling alone, as all of my problems with my marriage and life are "my fault", so I've been told. I no longer accept this but have been working on improving the quality of my life in counselling and not accepting blame for anything that is not truly my fault. I too have become so much closer to God through all of this as he is my true constant in life. Hang in there and know that you are not responsible for all of your problems it takes two! Trust in God, and know that there are always supportive people on this site to listen to you and pray for you. I hope you find peace in your life, IC and illness are enough to go through without being blamed for someone else's perceptions and disallusionments!
              My thoughts and prayers are for you.
              Mac

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              • #8
                Teri...

                Not much to say that hasn't already been said, but I wanted you to know that you are in my thoughts and prayers, and that I am holding you close to my heart. When I was going through a similar problem with my husband, your words were a source of great comfort to me (and so many others that I have seen). It is very frustrating when those who have such good hearts (you) are treated so miserably. And by the person with whom you are "supposed" to be closest to in the world.

                Please let us know how things are going. And like I said, you will be in my thoughts and prayers.

                Cristina <img src="graemlins/kissing.gif" border="0" alt="[kissing]" /> <img src="graemlins/grouphug.gif" border="0" alt="[grouphug]" />
                "It's not brave if you're not scared..."

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                • #9
                  Maybe the lesson is for HIM to learn because he is fixing to lose the best thing that has ever happened to him YOU. Hugs and Prayers.

                  redstonebef

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                  • #10
                    Teri, YOU will be in my thoughts and prayers. Sending love and hugs, Jo

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                    • #11
                      Teri, you are in my thoughts....you are right, this is not in your hands and it isnt your fault. I beg you to find some kind of peace within yourself. I understand you feel that you do not need counseling alone....and Im not suggesting you do....when someone left me long ago I sought counseling though, and it was one of the best years of my life. It taught me what I learned, and brought me away a stronger person. Keep all your options open,and I hope you find support in us [img]smile.gif[/img]
                      Sending Happy Thoughts~
                      Rachel
                      @[email protected]
                      "Well the Secret O'Life is enjoying the passage of time." ~James Taylor

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                      • #12
                        Thanks
                        Girls [img]biggrin.gif[/img] [img]biggrin.gif[/img] [img]biggrin.gif[/img]

                        Gotta tell ya, last month for my birthday I got myself a new hair-do, put highlights in, bought a fortune at Kohl's on ME and FINALLY figured out that I own a car and when he doesn't want to get out of my face, I CAN get out of his and I have HIS credit card with me at all times [img]wink.gif[/img]

                        I can't believe how a little make over can make you feel so much better about yourself <img src="graemlins/blink.gif" border="0" alt="[blink]" />

                        Try it.....you'll probably like it [img]biggrin.gif[/img]
                        teri
                        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
                        Courage does not always roar. Sometimes, it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow".

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Teri...

                          So, so true. A little bit of pampering and self-nurturing can go a LONG way.You deserve to be pampered as often as you can afford it, and there isn't a damn thing he can do about it right now. I know that when I go get a haircut, a facial, nails, waxing, massage...whatever, I walk out of the salon with my head held much higher than when I first walked in, and feel so incredibly good about myself. So you go for it, girl. If anyone deserves it, it's you. Boy! It sure is good to hear you sounding a bit more upbeat today! Rock on, Teri. You do what you have to do for YOU right now. You have expended more than enough energy trying to figure out what he wants, and trying to single-handedly make this marriage work (which as we all know, is impossible. Hang in there, tough one. NO! Actually what I mean is THRIVE!

                          Many hugs and good juju being sent your way. He can never break your spirit, which is a part of what makes you such a beautiful woman. It is just too bad that he has chosen to miss out on that...definitaly HIS loss.

                          If you ever need talk, please free to PM me anytime. Sending fierce hugs and prayers you way...

                          Cristina <img src="graemlins/kissing.gif" border="0" alt="[kissing]" /> <img src="graemlins/hi.gif" border="0" alt="[hi]" />
                          "It's not brave if you're not scared..."

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                          • #14
                            Yes dont let your spirit go with him and if he wants to go get a god attorney&gt; thats the only advice I can give.People will say they will do things until they are out of the house. remember your worth. God sent you here for an exact purpose. My husband left once...Now he is faced with diabetes had to take water pills to pee all the time and has such low porasium that they are not sure how to correct it if the pills dont work..They believe he has CHF..over weight and I help him now alot...we all need help in our lives wether it is at 6 or 80..its not if but when..My husband is undrstanding that now. we lost eveything split up 2 times and now back together life is worth fighting for..you just have to pick your fights....love peg

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                            • #15
                              I'm sorry to hear about this. I divorced my husband when I first was diagnosed, so he wouldn't have to go throught this with me. He fought the divorce.Later on, I helped him through a heart attack, when no ex-wife would have. We found each other again, are back togather after 8 years.. and he wouldn't leave me, no sex or not, for anything. He never wanted to, I thought I was doing him a favor, since my doc had said, "I couldn't have sex anymore".. Couples are supposed to be there thru thick and thin, illness etc..It's the hard times that try love, and true love will win out, if it's true love and meant to be... What if he had IC?? Bet we wouldn't leave them or make them feel guilty.. Nope, expect more compassion, never feel guilty because you're not well. Take care of you, especially if he won't help. You deserve love and care and compassion. If he can't give you that, someone else will, yes, even with IC.Love makes everything feel better, a hug, some care, some understanding, it all helps. It sounds like he's failing you, not the other way around.. but that's just my opinion. I hope you expect more care, I'm sure you deserve that, at least that. Hang in there, I'll put you in my prayers..hugs Sanctuary
                              Never take a "No" from someone not qualified to give you a yes..

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