Help

[pzehle]

Hi, my wife was recently diagnosticated with IC, and we already have a lot of problems due that, emotionally, sex relations, our children, so I need to talk with someone about this, to manage the "problem" on the easiest way.

[jaime15]

Pzehle,
We're so glad you found the ICN. I'm sure you'll get a post from one of the ICN board leaders, telling you where to click for information.

I think it's great you care about your wife so much and want to help her out. Just reading other people's post can help you understand what a person goes through with IC. (Good and bad).

Take care!
Jaime

[img]tongue.gif[/img]

[Teri]

The BIGGEST thing you can do to/for your wife is BELIEVE her. When she says she is in pain, she is in pain and hopefully it's a kind of pain you will never have to experience in your life time. When she says she needs to pee, it means she has to pee now not at the next rest stop. The urge for us to need to urinate does not come on gradually.....we are slammed with it and it means it's NOT going to wait [img]mad.gif[/img]

Help around the house as much as you can BUT when you come home from work and notice that she's accomplished something TELL her how great she did! When you do a chore for her, please don't tell her "I did YOUR dishes for you" or "I did YOUR laundry for you". These are things that my husband says that make me want to hurt him BADLY!!!!!!! If you are at a social function and she says she needs to go home, please listen to her....it doesn't mean that she doesn't 'want' to be there, it means that she 'can't' be there any longer. When she tells you that sex is very painful she is NOT telling you that she doesn't love and need you. She is telling you that sex HURTS. So many times men think it has something to do with them and it DOESN'T!!!!! It's been years and my husband is just now starting to get that part of it!!!

Come to the boards everyday. If there is a tiss in your house, talk about it and I am sure that you will get help with what NOT do do during that tiss. When I just can not handle it ('it' meaning the illnesses and just plain life anymore) I go to my room and close the door. My husband knows now that when I have that door closed, he'd better knock before he tries to come in <img src="graemlins/blink.gif" border="0" alt="[blink]" />

You may come home from work someday and look at the kids (wish you would have mentioned their ages) and look at the house and thing "she hasn't done a DARN thing around here"....well, I'm hear to tell you, that if she made it thru the day alive and if the kids made it thru the day alive......she did a TON [img]wink.gif[/img]

Bladder pain doesn't affect just the bladder. It involves the back, for me the groin area and my legs. There are some day where I wish I could cut the darn things off. And it envolves ALL the emotional. When she wants to talk about her pain, listen. Don't butt in and say "I understand" becaue no matter how hard you try, unless you have IC YOU DON'T. Let her talk, let her cry, and promise her that you are going to be there for her......

For me, sometimes the greatest show of affection my husband can give me is just walking by and rubbing on the top of my head.......

I am so glad that you've come here. And, I pray that we can help you. We need more husbands like you <img src="graemlins/angel.gif" border="0" alt="[angel]" />

[SelenaandAj'smommy]

AMEN TO THAT TERRI!!!

[ryanm]

Welcome pzehle! Listen to Teri, she knows what she's talking about! I think it's great that you're looking for advice for your wife! That already shows 200% effort! Also, do know that the disease makes us a little "emotional" as well. I know when I was first diagnosed, I thought there was no hope for me, that I'd be miserable forever. But as Donna (on this website)says, "There is life after I.C." and she's right! Your wife (and you) just need to find what is going to *help* make her a little more comfortable.

Oh yeah, and tell her she's beautiful [img]wink.gif[/img]

[ICNDonna]

I'd like to add my welcome to the IC Network. The fact that you are here says volumes about how much you care. You are correct in stating that the two of you have a problem to deal with. It can either bring you much more closeness than you ever dreamed possible --- or in rare instances, can end a marriage. Your being here asking for help makes me think you and your wife will be in the first group.

I do encourage you to do two things --- first, learn all you can about IC --- if you scroll to the top of this page to the "Browse our Site" menu, you will find the Patient Handbook. You should both read the information there. And, second, I encourage you to seek counseling together.

There are also some books I recommend: "The Interstitial Cystitis Survival Guide" was written by a urologist who works with IC patients. It's written to be understood by lay people --- I think it's one of the best on the market. I also recommend, "A Taste of the Good Life" written by an IC patient. It contains information on diet, not only explaining the whys, but also providing some recipes to help along the way.

Again, I commend you for coming here to ask for help. I hope your wife will also visit us regularly. I know that before I found this site, I felt so alone with my IC --- not a good feeling.

And remember --- there is life with IC. I was diagnosed 27 years ago and I can vouch for that fact. It may take time to find which treatment options work best and which foods and drinks are a problem, but most of us do get there --- and most of us do feel good most of the time.

Sending a warm hug for both of you,
Donna
<img src="graemlins/hi.gif" border="0" alt="[hi]" />

[pzehle]

I want to thanks all of you to answer me, sorry my english is not very good, but I promise to do my best effort.
At first, I have to recognised, that I not belive too much in her when she said, I have pain, but now is part of our lifes and I WANT TO LIVE ALL MY LIFE WITH HER!, and try the best of us.
So thanks, I´ll be here.
We have a daughter (15 years old) and a son (11 years old), so I think my children has enough age to undestand the situation.
I already started to learn more about IC, I appreciate all advice.

[Flore]

Woow!!!!, I´m crying now!

I´m pzehle´s wife!

I want to thanks all of you, You are a great support for us

Now I´m in flare, and I´m very sad, and I never thought what was his feelings

Some times I fell alone, because I don´t know somebody here in my country with this disease, and I read all of your mesagges and I understand all of them, but I can´t tell you my fellings, because I don´t speak well the english, and is difficult!, and now, with this message I know that I´m not alone I have the best partner beside me!!

We have been together for 23 years!!, and I love him so much!!

FLACO: TE ADORO CON TODO MI CORAZON!!!!!, NO SE QUE HARIA SIN TI!!! Quiero agradecerte por todo, por estar siempre cerca de mi!!!!!

[MelanieJ]

¡Flore, yo soy tan feliz de ver que su es los postes amorosos! ¡Usted y su esposo entibian el corazón! Es tan importante ser sostenedor de uno al otro cuando una enfermedad crónica viene en el retrato. Soy tan contento que usted tiene uno al otro.

Una sugerencia que tengo para usted, Flore, si usted quiere charlar más en las tablas de ICN con gente, usa el website siguiente traducir su español en el inglés. Cuando usted puede ver, no es totalmente perfecto pero participa en comunicar un poco más fácil.

http://www.freetranslation.com/

¡Recuerde, estamos aquí para usted! ¡Entendemos y usted está nunca solo!

Mandar la curación desea, Melanie J.

[Flore]

Melanie

Thanks again!!