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I'm here because this is where I'm suppose to be......
NO! I don't want my husband to have access to what I post on the board. NO! Making him get his own sign in won't keep him away from what I post! If he were to do that....it would only be to be nosey and I'd have to find another support group and I KNOW there are alot of other's out there that feel the exact same way. I'm here to help ME, and MY IC family, not him. When I find a post that I think will be helpful, I print it and give it to him.....the 'spouse' can always find a chronic support site to be on. So, I'm posting here, on the family site because it's my family that is being affected by this. Not my sex life or daily chit/chat life. And, this most definately isn't a vent so I don't need that board either.
The fighting in my house has become horrendous. I have never been a fighter. My parents had horrible fights when they were married.... Think it's mostly because I have a very short memory span so why bother fighting? I'm not going to remember it anyways. Welp, my HB is a fighter, he's a dirty fighter and even tho he can't remember what day to take the garbage out, he can remember something I did 3 years, 2 months and 3 days ago.
The fight this month............my pain meds. Instead of him agreeing with me and saying "yes! we need help" he's on this friggin kick about my pain meds. If I didn't take them they wouldn't make me talk so slow. If I didn't take them I wouldn't forget things so often!!!!!!! HA!!! you should see the post-it-notes I live by! I have dx dyslexia but when we are in the middle of a fight he aways brings up my meds....NOT the dyslexia. Because I can't spell a simple word or figure out the most simple math problem or have to write every single thing down. We were at the lake so I had to close all the window because I didn't want the neighbors to know what an *** my husband is....today I'm thinking I should have let them find out and kept the window opened. And, we all know that if it weren't about the pain meds, it would be something else. He IS a wife beater. I am an abused wife. Only he used his words instead of his hands. It would be so much easier if he's use his hands because I'd beable to fight back and the scars heal much faster. It's so bad now that I get "make-up" gifts after a fight. Just like when a man beats his female partner, there is a gift or flowers. That's where my marriage got to in 13 years.
YES, most of it is because of IC. But, I've done things to help myself. I've crawled on my knees trying to help myself. All's he's done is watch me crawl. Then he goes out for a business meeting and talks about his wife at home who is so sick and he gets all this sympathy....gotta stop before I puke banghead
He knows the pain I am in if I don't take the meds. He knows the pain I am in if I do take the meds....he knows they barely take the edge off. Yet, he wants me off of them because I'm too "dumb" when I'm on them. So, for a week now.....I either grit and bare it or sleep but I make it till night time before I use the med he hates. This won't last long....I will find my guts again soon and tell him to blow it out of the part of him that blows the most, I just have to pick my fights right now and this one isn't worth fighting. I KNOW how much he needs help but YOU CAN NOT FORCE A PERSON INTO COUNCELING If I could financially leave him~I'd be gone. If he loved me, wouldn't he want me to be as pain free as possible? I dont' abuse them. I take as directed. It's ALL about the way HE doesn't like the was I act on them. Crap, we don't see each other enough for him to know how I "act".................
Guess we can go into the bedroom now. With each of these fights I push him farther and farther away. With each fight it sets back attempting sex by at least 6 months. I don't have the least bit of trust in this man. Why would I give him the most valuable part of myself?
In his mind he think he's 'breaking me down'....sorry bub! Went thru that with husband #1. 2 years of counceling and I was gone. I left with a 3 and 5 year old and $250 in my pocket. BUT, I wasn't sick. I was able to work and work I did!!!!!!!!! This time I can't. I know that one morning I will get out of bed and there will be an incrediable peace over me and that will be God telling me it's okay to leave....it happened with the first husband. It will happen with this one too. For now, I'll continue to stash money till that day comes~
The fighting in my house has become horrendous. I have never been a fighter. My parents had horrible fights when they were married.... Think it's mostly because I have a very short memory span so why bother fighting? I'm not going to remember it anyways. Welp, my HB is a fighter, he's a dirty fighter and even tho he can't remember what day to take the garbage out, he can remember something I did 3 years, 2 months and 3 days ago.
The fight this month............my pain meds. Instead of him agreeing with me and saying "yes! we need help" he's on this friggin kick about my pain meds. If I didn't take them they wouldn't make me talk so slow. If I didn't take them I wouldn't forget things so often!!!!!!! HA!!! you should see the post-it-notes I live by! I have dx dyslexia but when we are in the middle of a fight he aways brings up my meds....NOT the dyslexia. Because I can't spell a simple word or figure out the most simple math problem or have to write every single thing down. We were at the lake so I had to close all the window because I didn't want the neighbors to know what an *** my husband is....today I'm thinking I should have let them find out and kept the window opened. And, we all know that if it weren't about the pain meds, it would be something else. He IS a wife beater. I am an abused wife. Only he used his words instead of his hands. It would be so much easier if he's use his hands because I'd beable to fight back and the scars heal much faster. It's so bad now that I get "make-up" gifts after a fight. Just like when a man beats his female partner, there is a gift or flowers. That's where my marriage got to in 13 years.
YES, most of it is because of IC. But, I've done things to help myself. I've crawled on my knees trying to help myself. All's he's done is watch me crawl. Then he goes out for a business meeting and talks about his wife at home who is so sick and he gets all this sympathy....gotta stop before I puke banghead
He knows the pain I am in if I don't take the meds. He knows the pain I am in if I do take the meds....he knows they barely take the edge off. Yet, he wants me off of them because I'm too "dumb" when I'm on them. So, for a week now.....I either grit and bare it or sleep but I make it till night time before I use the med he hates. This won't last long....I will find my guts again soon and tell him to blow it out of the part of him that blows the most, I just have to pick my fights right now and this one isn't worth fighting. I KNOW how much he needs help but YOU CAN NOT FORCE A PERSON INTO COUNCELING If I could financially leave him~I'd be gone. If he loved me, wouldn't he want me to be as pain free as possible? I dont' abuse them. I take as directed. It's ALL about the way HE doesn't like the was I act on them. Crap, we don't see each other enough for him to know how I "act".................
Guess we can go into the bedroom now. With each of these fights I push him farther and farther away. With each fight it sets back attempting sex by at least 6 months. I don't have the least bit of trust in this man. Why would I give him the most valuable part of myself?
In his mind he think he's 'breaking me down'....sorry bub! Went thru that with husband #1. 2 years of counceling and I was gone. I left with a 3 and 5 year old and $250 in my pocket. BUT, I wasn't sick. I was able to work and work I did!!!!!!!!! This time I can't. I know that one morning I will get out of bed and there will be an incrediable peace over me and that will be God telling me it's okay to leave....it happened with the first husband. It will happen with this one too. For now, I'll continue to stash money till that day comes~
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