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I'm here because this is where I'm suppose to be......

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  • I'm here because this is where I'm suppose to be......

    NO! I don't want my husband to have access to what I post on the board. NO! Making him get his own sign in won't keep him away from what I post! If he were to do would only be to be nosey and I'd have to find another support group and I KNOW there are alot of other's out there that feel the exact same way. I'm here to help ME, and MY IC family, not him. When I find a post that I think will be helpful, I print it and give it to him.....the 'spouse' can always find a chronic support site to be on. So, I'm posting here, on the family site because it's my family that is being affected by this. Not my sex life or daily chit/chat life. And, this most definately isn't a vent so I don't need that board either.

    The fighting in my house has become horrendous. I have never been a fighter. My parents had horrible fights when they were married.... Think it's mostly because I have a very short memory span so why bother fighting? I'm not going to remember it anyways. Welp, my HB is a fighter, he's a dirty fighter and even tho he can't remember what day to take the garbage out, he can remember something I did 3 years, 2 months and 3 days ago.

    The fight this pain meds. Instead of him agreeing with me and saying "yes! we need help" he's on this friggin kick about my pain meds. If I didn't take them they wouldn't make me talk so slow. If I didn't take them I wouldn't forget things so often!!!!!!! HA!!! you should see the post-it-notes I live by! I have dx dyslexia but when we are in the middle of a fight he aways brings up my meds....NOT the dyslexia. Because I can't spell a simple word or figure out the most simple math problem or have to write every single thing down. We were at the lake so I had to close all the window because I didn't want the neighbors to know what an *** my husband I'm thinking I should have let them find out and kept the window opened. And, we all know that if it weren't about the pain meds, it would be something else. He IS a wife beater. I am an abused wife. Only he used his words instead of his hands. It would be so much easier if he's use his hands because I'd beable to fight back and the scars heal much faster. It's so bad now that I get "make-up" gifts after a fight. Just like when a man beats his female partner, there is a gift or flowers. That's where my marriage got to in 13 years.

    YES, most of it is because of IC. But, I've done things to help myself. I've crawled on my knees trying to help myself. All's he's done is watch me crawl. Then he goes out for a business meeting and talks about his wife at home who is so sick and he gets all this sympathy....gotta stop before I puke banghead

    He knows the pain I am in if I don't take the meds. He knows the pain I am in if I do take the meds....he knows they barely take the edge off. Yet, he wants me off of them because I'm too "dumb" when I'm on them. So, for a week now.....I either grit and bare it or sleep but I make it till night time before I use the med he hates. This won't last long....I will find my guts again soon and tell him to blow it out of the part of him that blows the most, I just have to pick my fights right now and this one isn't worth fighting. I KNOW how much he needs help but YOU CAN NOT FORCE A PERSON INTO COUNCELING If I could financially leave him~I'd be gone. If he loved me, wouldn't he want me to be as pain free as possible? I dont' abuse them. I take as directed. It's ALL about the way HE doesn't like the was I act on them. Crap, we don't see each other enough for him to know how I "act".................

    Guess we can go into the bedroom now. With each of these fights I push him farther and farther away. With each fight it sets back attempting sex by at least 6 months. I don't have the least bit of trust in this man. Why would I give him the most valuable part of myself?

    In his mind he think he's 'breaking me down'....sorry bub! Went thru that with husband #1. 2 years of counceling and I was gone. I left with a 3 and 5 year old and $250 in my pocket. BUT, I wasn't sick. I was able to work and work I did!!!!!!!!! This time I can't. I know that one morning I will get out of bed and there will be an incrediable peace over me and that will be God telling me it's okay to happened with the first husband. It will happen with this one too. For now, I'll continue to stash money till that day comes~
    Courage does not always roar. Sometimes, it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow".

  • #2

    I'm so sorry you have a sucky hubby. The one thing i'm grateful for is that my hubby is supportive most of the time. Of course I don't how he would be if we couldn't have sex. He's such a baby when it comes to that. I hate that your going thru misery on top of misery. You deserve better than IC and you also deserve better than a crappy husband who doesn't support and take care of you. I can't pretend to understand what your going thru with IC and your family all I can say is follow your heart and stand up for yourself. You raised two kids alone and took care of them when they had noone, it's time for you to now take care of you. The hubby is a grown man and can take care of himself so you take care of you and don't ever let the bastards get you down..

    Lots of love,


    • #3
      grouphug grouphug grouphug kissing kissing {{{{{{{{{{Teri}}}}}}}}} I am so sorry that you are going through this and that your hubby doesn"t understand. I am praying for you and your family. You need to take care of you and take your pain meds when you need them. don't do the catch up like I do. it takes longer to work. I did that in the hospital in Feb, was so afraid to take the dialud thought it was giving me migranes and it wasn't. The nurse said that I should of asked for the pain meds earlier and I told her I was afraid too, she goes never be afraid to, try it and if it gives you a migrane ask the dr fr something else. Hang in there. There is hope. this too shall pass.
      Hang in there , There is hope.
      There is hope. Prayer works.

      Love, Debbie


      • #4
        I am so sorry for what you are going through.
        I never thought I would make this statement, b/c I think it is wrong to tell someone to leave thier spouce, but... I am going to say it this time!!! Honey, you would be better off, without him b/c I KNOW that stress will kill you with IC!
        I just can't imagine what you much be going through about your pain meds. I know I could not make it without mine. I know if I am under the least bit of stress, they don't even help.
        I wish I could help you, to make up your mind, but only YOU and GOD can make that decision, and I pray it is soon.
        People may not remember exactly what "you did, or what you said, but- they will always remember how you made them feel"


        • #5
          HuGGS To u Terry! grouphug grouphug


          • #6
            HuGGS To u Teri! grouphug grouphug


            • #7
              I know there isn't much to do or say at this point to make you feel better. I can say that I am very sorry that you have to go through this along with everything else you have on your plate. But you are right. One day, you will realize that you have dealt as long as you can, and the door will open for you and you will be able to walk out of it. Never looking back. But, like you said, there is a time and now is not it. He will live his life the way he has made you live. Alone, and miserable. I will be praying that God gives you the strength to get out of that situation. IF you EVER need to talk, feel free to e-mail me or send me a private message. I really care about you Teri, as we all do. And I want you to be happy. Or at least try. I understand what you are going through right now so if ya need to talk, just give me a yell.
              IC Angel: Proudly supporting the Children and the Elderly with IC.

              E-Mail: [email protected]


              Revelation 21:4
              "And he will wipe out every tear from their eyes, and death will be no more, neither will mourning nor outcry nor pain be anymore. The former things have passed away."


              • #8
                Hi! You are not alone! Not only do you have the love and friendship of everyone on this site, but God or whomever you look up to is with you every minute of every day. He will guide you and give you the power when the timing is right.
                Make peace within yourself if at all possible. Find that place on the inside where you can go and be calm while he is throwing insult after insult. Be strong. Take control of yourself first, then your circumstances. The most important person in your life right now is "YOU" you need to be everything you can be to be able to take care of yourself and your children.
                These are some of the things I told my daughter at one point in her life. Her EX husband abused her horribly in a verbal/mental way and once or twice physically. She is still recovering, but thanks to God, she is recovering. Some of her old self is coming back, it was hard, but she is so much happier.
                My apologies for sounding so intense, but it breaks my heart to see anyone go through what you must be going through.
                Take care of yourself first, the rest will fall into place.
                God loves you, and so do I.
                Miss Lizzie
                "Enjoy when you can, and endure when you must."
                "Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless."


                • #9
                  i'm so sorry you are dealing with this. I know how you feel when my husband gets mad at me the first thing he throws in my face is the pain meds. I take. I know what you are going threw isnt good on your ic at all and it can keep you in a flare being upset. I know the feeling of wanting to walk out the door and not look back I think the reason i havent sometimes is because of the children but i want get into that right now you do what is best for you and only you. God will help you. if you want to talk feel free to email me I will be praying for you. WE Love you Teri. kissing grouphug
                  Medicine taken daily or as needed:
                  1. Heaprin and Marcaine rescue installment 1 to 3x daily as needed.
                  2. MS.Cotin 100mg 3x daily
                  3. MSIR 30mg 1 or 2 every 4-6hrs as needed for breakthrew pain.
                  4. Fentanyl 100 mg Change every 48hrs.
                  5. Gentamicin 80mg install after each rescue treatment
                  5 Leviquin 500mg self start as needed.
                  6. Klonopin 1 or 2 daily as needed.
                  7. Prosed/DS as 1 every 6hrs as needed.

                  I have IC, but IC doesn't have me anymore!


                  • #10
                    ((((((Teri)))))))) I hope things are going better for you. Sounds like he needs a good swift kick in the rear! wink He should never throw your pain meds up in your face. That is messing with your quality of life!!! Like you are excited about taking medication and just do it for fun! I wish for him the same thing I wish upon my hubby: That he will get full-fledged IC for just 24 hours. I think that's all it would take for them to understand the crap we go through. In the meantime, you're in my prayers. Hang in there!
                    grouphug Alyson
                    If you have time to worry, you have time to pray!