Well Mothers day was very hard for me. I was an emoptiol wreck. I had gotten Jamen's (my bf) mother a card that thanked her for acting like a mother to me. She cried and gave me a big hug. Sometimes she can be very annoying but overall I think she knew how hard it was for me yesterday. Not being able to talking to my mother. Well during the day I was wrestling with my mind whether I should send her an e-mail or a text message. I thought I would be the bigger person. So I decided to text her saying Happy mothers day and that I loved her. She sent one back saying thank you and that she misses me and loves me. I started to cry b/c I know she loves me but she shows it in the weirdest way. If she loved me than she would put aside her beliefs and just let me be her daughter despite our differences in religion. I just donte get it and I dont think I ever will.
Last night I had a dream that I went to my house to pick up the rest of my things... jewlery and clothes and my old photo albums. In my dream she gave me a big hug. and it was just what i needed. When I woke up I felt the need to make my dream a reality. About 2 years ago my mother had sent me an e-mail saying that she was going to clean out my room and throw out my things. If I wanted anything that I should pick them up. Well I didn't b/c I didnt believe she would do that. Today I thought to text message her and ask if she threw my stuff out b/c I wanted to know if I could have my things. She said that she saved some things I might want someday and things my grandma wanted me to have. I have no clue what she's talking about. I'm assuming she save my old bible and teaching sylobsis from church meetings in hope that I would want them and read them and change. But then again she know's the person I am and might have save my albums and pictures. I really wanted those pictures and my old jewlery my parents and grandparents had given me. I'm really curious as to what she saved. I have a feeling she threw out alot of my things. and i think my little sister took my old room. Not that I care but It bothers me. Anyways my mom said she has to dig them out of the cubby and to give her some time to do it. I hope she doesnt forget and that when I go there that it wont be weird.
I'm kinda of hoping that she will give me a big hug and tell me that she loves me and she wants me home. I hope she wont tell me change my ways and do what they normally do when they see me and make me feel horrible. I hope that god will open her heart and see that what she had done to me is wrong. Please pray for me. I need some extra help today and this week. I'm still recovering from Mothers Day and cant get it out of my head.
Trying not to make myself flare about this. Thanks for letting me vent. I will keep you posted about what happens.
Hugs
Rach
Last night I had a dream that I went to my house to pick up the rest of my things... jewlery and clothes and my old photo albums. In my dream she gave me a big hug. and it was just what i needed. When I woke up I felt the need to make my dream a reality. About 2 years ago my mother had sent me an e-mail saying that she was going to clean out my room and throw out my things. If I wanted anything that I should pick them up. Well I didn't b/c I didnt believe she would do that. Today I thought to text message her and ask if she threw my stuff out b/c I wanted to know if I could have my things. She said that she saved some things I might want someday and things my grandma wanted me to have. I have no clue what she's talking about. I'm assuming she save my old bible and teaching sylobsis from church meetings in hope that I would want them and read them and change. But then again she know's the person I am and might have save my albums and pictures. I really wanted those pictures and my old jewlery my parents and grandparents had given me. I'm really curious as to what she saved. I have a feeling she threw out alot of my things. and i think my little sister took my old room. Not that I care but It bothers me. Anyways my mom said she has to dig them out of the cubby and to give her some time to do it. I hope she doesnt forget and that when I go there that it wont be weird.
I'm kinda of hoping that she will give me a big hug and tell me that she loves me and she wants me home. I hope she wont tell me change my ways and do what they normally do when they see me and make me feel horrible. I hope that god will open her heart and see that what she had done to me is wrong. Please pray for me. I need some extra help today and this week. I'm still recovering from Mothers Day and cant get it out of my head.
Trying not to make myself flare about this. Thanks for letting me vent. I will keep you posted about what happens.
Hugs
Rach
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