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  • #1

    no rights and still wants a say, and visits

    Hi all,
    Since Christina signed her rights away rather then the termination, she has been to my sisters house 3 times and calling me and my mom wanting to know how "her" son is. The first time was last Friday. I allowed her to come for a 30 min visit, and let her know that this will be the only visit she will get at my house, and I will call and find out if she is allowed to see him. I did it for Jake, but he really didn't care that she was here or not.
    Saturday she called wanting to see him, I told her again that I can't call and ask the foster care worker on the weekend. Then again yesterday. I did call the worker and my hunch was right, she is not allowed to see him as long as he is ward of the court. I was told I can't prevent her showing up at a family function, so don't leave unless I felt uncomfortable. I can't prevent life happening, but I can prevent visits happening. I think it is for the best right now. If I was not a relative, it would be so much easier.
    Yesterday she called my mom and told my mom that she was going to call me and find out how her son was, and told my mom that I was not to baptize him, and a few other things. My mom told her that we are mommy and daddy, we are the only one he knows as mommy and daddy, and she gave up her rights. She said that she dose have a right she is his mother. My mom pretty much gave her the run down on reality.
    I called my sister while Christina was visiting and told her that as long as he was ward of the state, there are no visits. They could take him from me if I did. Cathy told her she said there was no reaction she just sorta put her head down. She told her that after it was all said and done (the adoption) she could see him. I have so many mixed feelings about this. I want her to see him and I don't, but Jake has every right to know who his birth mom and sister. I guess what I need to do, is try my best not to let quilt get the best of me. She had the option to get him back, and didn't try.
    'The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.'
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  • #2
    Cindy,
    Just know you are doing the best thing for Jake. I have had alot of mixed feelings too in my experience with this whole custody thing and I have learned that I follow what the court says, and go with my gut with what is best for Lindsey. IMHO, she had her chance, and maybe you should wait until Jake is older and let him decide.

    Hugs,
    Barb
    (Babs passed away in April 2009. We honor her memory and remember her fondly. - Jill O. ICN President & Founder)

    [SIZE="1"]Proud mama of a gift named Lindsey who taught me through her autism what is important in life:angel:
    :angel: IC Angel Volunteer Coordinator :angel:
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    I have learned all about life in 3 words: It goes on! :D--Robert Frost
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    "Spirit is an invisible force made visible in all of life"--Maya Angelou
    "Ohana means family--no one gets left behind or forgotten." Stitch[/SIZE][/SIZE][/SIZE]

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    • #3

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      • #4
        Cindy...Don't let anyone "guilt" you into doing something that you know is not right for Jake. She blew it, she has to face up to the realities of her actions. She didn't bother to see him when she could see him. Now that she's lost him, she wants to see him???? Sounds like she is trying to make herself seem like a concerned mother because she might lose Jake's sister, also.

        Stay strong for Jake.
        Sharon

        Shopping??? Did someone mention shopping? I'll get my hat... ;-)

        Where I can be found most days.



        Link to the ICN Patient Handbook:
        http://www.ic-network.com/handbook/

        Link to the IC Diet:
        http://www.ic-network.com/diet/


        IC Volunteers are not medical authorities nor do we offer medical advice. In all cases, we strongly encourage you to discuss your medical treatment with your personal medical care provider. Only they can, and should, give medical recommendations to you.

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        • #5
          Cindy, I don't have an answer for you. I wish this was an easy situation but it is not. I know it is especially hard because it is the family. But I know that you are a good Mother and your heart will tell you what is best for Jake. This guilt trip you are doing to yourself is not fair. You are the one that stand up and taking responsibility for Jake. I think Jake is bless by having you and a little boy is in loving arms.

          Sending hugs, Trishann

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          • #6
            Cindy,
            I am so sorry you still have to go through all of this but i doubt it will ever be truely over. She still wants to call Jake her son because of her OWN guilt and because she doesn't want to feel guilty she will try to make you feel guilty even though you are the one who is looking out for Jake's best interest and have done nothing wrong. She is probably having a rough time realizing that she really has no say in her son's life anymore even though she didn't try to get him back I'm guessing it's still hard to come to terms with the fact that you no longer have parental rights.

            I think you are totally right not to let her see him now so that nothing goes wrong with the adoption. Once you have adopted him it's still going to be a tough decision to make. Personally I don't think that I would let her be with him without me being there if I were in this situation myself and I think that I would only let her see him under the condition that she doesn't try to confuse him while he is still so young. For the time you are mommy and tha it is, when he is old enough to understand it can be explained to him that she is his birth mother and you are his mommy.

            :grouphugs: for all the strength you have to have to deal with this all the time.
            Christine



            I have been diagnoised for 6 1/2 years now. I have taken a long break from the ICN but really miss helping out my fellow IC patients and want to get back into posting.
            1st hydro 4/07 showed no visible signs of IC but tons of mast cells in all my biopsy samples which did prove IC.
            2nd hydro 4/13/09 showed dark purple glomerulations and I had a capacity of 450 cc's. This hydro proved that my IC had progressed.
            I have tried every oral medication as well as rescue instills and DMSO.

            I have been lucky enough to see Dr Hanno, the top IC specialist in PA who has told me due to the fact that I have not responded to any "standard" treatments that I have a severe, end stage case of IC with a horrible quality of life (didn't have to tell me that last part!)

            Proud wifey of Shane, mommy to Griffin, and step-mom to Logan and Gage
            Also proud mom to the best Bullmastiff on earth, Claus

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            • #7
              (((((((((((thank you)))))))))))) you are right, it will never be over.
              'The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.'

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              • #8
                Oh Cindy, I am sorry that the drama just keeps continuing. Remember that a Mommy is the one who loves and cares and raises the child and you will always be Jakes Mommy! My husband is not my oldest daughter's biological father, but he has been and always will be her Daddy. Yet we have to deal with a man who hasn't seen her in three years and doesn't pay child support who still appears out of the blue and demands to see her. In a small way I do understand how frustrating that is!
                Again, I give you my respect and support for all you are doing to give that beautiful little guy a happy, loving home!
                Rachel
                DX's:
                IC; PFD; possible Fibromyalgia; IBS;

                Symptoms: Frequency, Urgency, pelvic and bladder pain, bladder and pelvic spasms, difficulty starting urination, weak stream, incontinence, vaginal and urethral pain

                I've Tried:
                three Hydrodistentions, various Rescue Installments; 6 DSMO treatments; Pyridium Plus; Proced; Detrol (patch); Elavil; Uricet K; Elmiron; Nortiptyline; Ultram; Allegra; Ditropan; Ditropan ER; Vesicare; regular Lidocain; Neurontin; Lyrica; and few more I can't remember!
                Currently using:
                Valium; Vicadin; Proced DS; Claritin; Buffered Lidocain; Cymbalta; Baclofen; Prazosin @ night (also on Prednisone and Adderall for my joint pain and severe fatigue)
                Heating pads; frozen water bottles; A&D ointment; Poise pads; IC dieter since 8/06; yoga; imagery & relaxation CD, Mindfullness, self healing CD's; hot baths; seat cushion; prayer
                I am 28 yrs old, dx'ed in '06, still trying to get my health undercontrol!!

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                • #9
                  (((((((((((thank you))))))))))))
                  'The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.'

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