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  • Fiance depressed

    Hi, my fiance is having a flare, it has lasted a week now. I try to be very supportive, I spend hours upon hours researching this horrible disease that you all have. My problem is she is getting very depressed saying its never gonna end and that she gives up. I am here for her and I wish that was helping. I was just venting and want to know how others deal with this. I will go to the ends of the earth for her, I wish everyday I could take the pain from her. I did talk her into joining this forum in hopes that talking to others with IC would help. BTW I LOVE YOU christinew1899. We will beat this TOGETHER!!!!!!

  • #2
    The best thing you can do is to just be there for her.

    Donna
    Stay safe


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    • #3
      It's obvious you are a supportive, caring person and that will go a long way in helping your fiance to cope. Maybe more than you realize!

      Like Donna said, it's so important just to be there in the moment, with her. Make sure she knows that you don't think less of or blame her for having IC. I have a feeling you're already doing that!

      I am lucky enough to have a wonderful spouse. Even though I know he doesn't hold it against me when my crazy bladder ruins a planned event or limits what we can do or where we can go, I still feel guilty. His acceptance of my IC has made it easier for me to accept it. I think that in turn has helped tremendously to reduce stress and in a round about way aided in controlling my symptoms. Not to mention hubby's quick to point out, "You probably shouldn't eat that!"

      Remember too, to take time for yourself. Take care of yourself. It is important that you guard against getting depressed as well. I have IC but not my spouse. I try to encourage my hubby to pursue the things he enjoys despite the fact that because of this IC I can't participate with him. Like a chartered fishing trip. (Long time on boat/ no toilet)

      Man, I bet lots of people reading this are saying to themselves, I wish we could clone this one!

      Vicki
      "The happiest people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything they have."

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      • #4
        I felt the same way as your fiancee just a year ago. What is she doing for treatment? She may need the help of an IC doctor so she can feel better.
        Update! Feeling much better these days and no longer on any meds!

        Pelvic pain began July 2008. Urinary frequency began in November of 2008. IC Doctor says I'm one of the worst frequency patients he has had.

        Things that helped me the most: IC Diet, Elavil (30mg), Elmiron since June '09 (500mg/day).

        Previously tried and quit: one series of six instillations, Neurontin, Ditropan, Oxytrol, electric stimulation to the pelvic floor, Desert Harvest Aloe, Cystoprotek and Flomax, Hydroxyzine (50mg), Alesse Birth control (this helped my period flares when my symptoms used to be bad), PTNS (I think this helped).

        [/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]

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        • #5
          Originally posted by musiclover View Post
          I felt the same way as your fiancee just a year ago. What is she doing for treatment? She may need the help of an IC doctor so she can feel better.
          We are lucky enough to live in the same city as Dr Evans. Which seems to be one of the best IC Dr's in the country. She has a appointment Oct 27. Btw this flare turned out to be a UTI and she is on antibiotics as of today and is already feeling much better.

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          • #6
            Originally posted by VickiB View Post
            Not to mention hubby's quick to point out, "You probably shouldn't eat that!"
            Already doing that to LOL!!

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            • #7
              Hey that's great news that she found out about the UTI and is feeling a bit better!
              Update! Feeling much better these days and no longer on any meds!

              Pelvic pain began July 2008. Urinary frequency began in November of 2008. IC Doctor says I'm one of the worst frequency patients he has had.

              Things that helped me the most: IC Diet, Elavil (30mg), Elmiron since June '09 (500mg/day).

              Previously tried and quit: one series of six instillations, Neurontin, Ditropan, Oxytrol, electric stimulation to the pelvic floor, Desert Harvest Aloe, Cystoprotek and Flomax, Hydroxyzine (50mg), Alesse Birth control (this helped my period flares when my symptoms used to be bad), PTNS (I think this helped).

              [/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]

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              • #8
                Originally posted by dannyh982 View Post
                Already doing that to LOL!!
                I figured! It's just another way to say "I Love You!".
                "The happiest people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything they have."

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                • #9
                  How wonderful that you are so supportive! It really does make a huge difference when you have someone to depend on thru the ups and downs. I hope she is feeling better today and kudos to you for being such a wonderful fiance'. Think Positive!

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                  • #10
                    She's very blessed to have someone like you in her life! Keep up the good work! My husband is very supportive as well. He literally walks me to the bathroom if it hurts so much to walk that I need to lean on him. Then the next time I try to go, I'll scream out "don't touch me it hurts!" and he knows not to take it personally. He can see that I'm in extreme agony and as soon as I empty my bladder enough to calm down I tell him how very sorry I am that I snapped at him.
                    He's very sweet and understanding. Keep doing what you're doing. Some examples of what he does are:
                    When I need to vent, he doesn't lecture me or try to give me ways to solve it. He just says "I know, honey, I'm sorry," which is all I need. To be heard.
                    He picks up my prescriptions for me, or anything else I need.
                    When I'm at the urologist for DMSO, he holds my hand when I cry. He times me so I can lay on my back and each side for 5-10 minutes each to let it coat the entire surface of the bladder. He even tells me I don't smell too bad when we're going down 14 floors in the medical plaza elevator, when we all know I do after DMSO!!!
                    He has learned to straight-cath me to instill lidocaine so I can get some relief.
                    He's very understanding when I can't do things with him, like go places he wanted to go or even to have sex. He doesn't make me feel guilty about it but makes other plans for something we can do while relaxing at home, like getting me a movie I would like and watching it with me. He doesn't even mind pausing it for me 10 times so I can go to the bathroom.
                    Truly I believe bringing my husband into my life was one of the kindest most generous things God ever did for me, and it sounds like He was smiling on your fiance' when He brought you into her life.
                    I know it's not easy to be the other half of an IC patient, but it sounds like you're doing a great job. I will keep you both in my prayers.
                    (formerly DonnaRenee1)


                    Diagnoses: IC, fibromyalgia, inflammatory arthritis, connective tissue disease, reynaud's, APS, (the lupus anticoagulant, also known as "sticky blood syndrome")
                    Meds: low molecular weight heparins, synthroid, methadone for pain, tizanidine, cymbalta, pyridium plus, urelle, phenergan for nausea, ambien, lisinopril, norvasc, plaqenuil for arthritis, and over the counter Prelief
                    Treatments: DMSO, occasional hydrodistentions, hot baths, strategically placed heating pads and ice packs, TENS unit, and everything from pity parties to prayer.
                    I have lots of support from my family. My husband and my parents are amazing! I have a wonderful daughter who also has IC, and she has given me 2 precious granddaughters. They are my heart and soul! Thank you God for my family!

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                    • #11
                      I was unsure of the difference between a UTI and a flair. I still get confused but if I think it may be a UTI my hubby goes to the store and buys the test strips after nagging bout what I'm eating or drinking. I think that's his favorite hobby.
                      "Blindfolded fear does not lead to an awakening. Questioning with boldness does":woohoo:

                      Diagnosed: Autoimmune Progesterone, P.F.D., Vulvodynia, IC.

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