I need advice for my friend...grrrr

[ICNJess]

My friend...I'll call her "A" is away at college. She is dating my friend "M". Well she pines away for him all the time. She is madly in love with him and comes home whenever possible (she tries weekends) to spend time with him. Yet, he won't write her, call her, or see her when she comes to visit. He's not cheating on her, he's just...strange.

Anyway, we talk often and she's the biggest sweety, didn't want to go away for college but did for sake of her career...contemplated staying home for "M". She tells me how much she misses him and how much her heart is breaking. They've been together for a year and a half.

So tonight I talked to "M". He says the have no reason to talk, but he says they are still dating. I said, "But she comes home to see you"...he says "And your point being is...?" GRRRRRRR. He's got to know the pain he is causing her, and she is so in love, but he doesn't care. They haven't talked in awhile, he just avoids her like the plague.

What should I do? She's always asking me about him, find out what's up with him, etc. I want to help her, but this guy is being a jerk, and I don't want to tell her what he said to me tonight. That would crush her. But seeing her getting strung along like this...even worse. She could be moving on, healing her wound, and finding someone worthy.

Bottom line is, they are both my friends, but I can't understand why he is treating her this way. What should I do??

Hugs and love,
Jess

[ICNDonna]

It's tough to be caught in the middle. One thing you might consider is to let both of them know that you care a lot about each of them, but that their relationship, or lack of one, is something they need to work out for themselves.

Warm hugs,
Donna

[auntiedeb]

grouphug grouphug grouphug grouphug Jess. I don't want to see you with hurt feelings. I suggest that you pray about it and tell him to break it off with her. If he is avoiding her , I agree with bestie, something is going on there. I will be praying for you hon.

[tigger_gal]

wow jess, thats a tought problem if you need any thing you know how to find me
brat

[KarenNielsen]

Jess, I saw your post a few days ago and it reminded me of this little thing I clipped from an Ann Landers column a few years ago - just got around to digging it out (and edited it a bit, some was not pertinent to the situation). If you give it to your friend, maybe she will recognize herself without you having to get inappropriately involved.

LOVE OR INFATUATION?

Infatuation is marked by a feeling of insecurity. You are excited and eager but not genuinely happy. There are nagging doubts, unanswered questions, little bits and pieces about the relationship that you would just as soon not examine too closely. It might spoil the dream.
Love is friendship that has caught fire. It takes root and grows, one day at a time. It is quiet understanding and mature acceptance of imperfection. It gives you strength and grows beyond you to bolster your beloved. You are warmed by his presence, even when he is away. Miles do not separate you. But near or far, you know he is yours and you can wait.
Infatuation says, "We must be with each other right away. I can't risk losing him". Love says, "Be patient. Plan your future with confidence".
Infatuation lacks confidence. When he's away, you wonder if he's being unfaithful. Sometimes, you check.
Love means trust. You are calm, secure, and unthreatened. He feels your trust, and it makes him even more trustworthy. Infatuation might lead you to do things you will regret, but love never steers you in the wrong direction.
Love is elevating. It lifts you up. It makes you look up. It makes you better than you were before.

[Dixiefireball]

Jess i'm so sorry your caught in the middle of this turst me i have wore those shoes before. they dont fit very well do they.
be careful how you handle this or you may lose both friends it sounds like you have wore the shoes to long without takeing them off and having sores.
I would call the male friend back and tell him listen she loves you if you dont feel the same way let her go. you have so long to do so or i'm going to have to step in i don't want to lose you as a friend but you can't help breaking her heart like this.
Yes i'm diff. from everyone else but i have wore the same shoes quite a few times lost a few male friends but my husband didn't really like them anyway they was his friends too but once a friend of mine started dateing each other and then everyone was pm me or calling me on the phone.
lol they know if they don't have a computer they might as well forget talking to me on the phone unless i'm sick just pm me and tell me to get off the computer if they wanted to talk on the phone or come over lol.
Good luck Jess.
sounds like you have a heavey load to carry and you need to drop it.
Good luck best wishes. grouphug

[Iris]

Wow Jess, just read this post, do not know why I missed it until now. You are definitely as they say "between a rock and a hard place". Sounds like this guy is not sincere at all, and just wasting your friends time. I know I have done the same thing at one time, in my life, like your girlfriend, and hung around for six years with someone, who really treated me just as a convenience, and being so much in love at the time, I thought, went along with it. Hopefully your friend will wake up and smell the roses and dump the guy. I know I finally had enough, and split and met the wonderful guy who became my husband. I am hoping that she will listen to you, I know it is a hard place to be in the middle, but it really sounds like she is literally being led up the garden path,I hate to see that happen to your friend. Take care and a hug Jess, it is a tough situation, let us know how you are doing in the middle of al of this, don't get too stressed out for your sake, luv ya mum Iris hi grouphug