He accused me of stealing!!!!!!!!!

[Kelli]

I am SOOOOOO P'd off right now I could just deck someone!!! I just got a phone call from my soon to be ex husband. I took the kids over there yesterday and after the car ride over I wasnt feeling so well. So, instead of driving the half hour back, I decided to stay there. Well, he had to work today and I left shortly after he did. Anyways, I get this phone call and he's accusing me of taking $200 out of his wallet!!!! I am sooo MAD that he would even THINK I would take money from him!!! This isn't the first time either, about two months ago, before we split up, he said he was missing $50. He pretty much found me guilty before he even asked me. He came home and asked me where his $50 was... I said I had no idea what he was talking about. I tried to tell him I didn't take any money from him and he wouldn't hear anything I had to say.
Now, it's $200!! It is just REDICULOUS that he would even think I would take anything from him. Right now he's helping me pay some of my bills, mainly my car payment and insurance. My car payment is due next week, why on earth would I take money and risk him not being able to pay the car payment???? That would only hurt me. And my payment is more than $200 so it's not like I would benifit at all. I have NEVER taken anything from anyone in my LIFE! And if I wanted money I would ASK for it, I wouldn't just take it! UGHHHHH he has me so MAD I could just scream So, I told him that from now on, he can come here and see the kids, I refuse to go back to his house so I can be accused of stealing again. Forget that! He got mad at me and hung up on me. Well what does he expect me to do? He's accusing me of taking money out of his house, so I just won't go back there so he can't say it was me, I wasn't there. See, he gets an added bonus when I go out there and spend the night. If you know what I mean wink I'm too scared of getting some kind of disease to sleep with anyone else. I have only been with him so I know he's clean. Plus, I really don't think he would sleep with anyone else because he feels the same way I do. There is too many STD's to be doing things with other people. So we know we are safe with each other. Well, those days are over too! He calls me accusing me, then he wants me to come over to have sex with him.....YEAH RIGHT!!! I don't think so.

So, there is my beef of the day!!! banghead

[michaela]

Kelli,

That really bites! I know you haven't been to court yet but from what I learned from my divorce it's not your responsibility to take the kids to see him. If he wants to see them then he comes and picks them up and brings them home when his time is up. At least that's how it was with me and my ex before he just totally stopped coming around. Also, please forgive me for saying this but it sounds like he couldn't deal with you being sick and living with IC 24/7 but he can deal with an occasional over night stay when it's convenient for him. I'm sorry girl but that dog don't hunt. There is someone out there that will love you with or without IC and with or without sex. Don't sell yourself short by thinking he is all you can get. There is more to love and marriage than just sex, seems like he's only interested in the sex part. If I were you I'd let him get it somewhere else. I'd rather be alone than treated like crap. Sorry if i have offended you but I just want you to know you are worth more than that.

Michaela

[Kelli]

Hey hun, no worries, you didn't offend me. You are right! Your post kindof woke me up, how niave I have been huh? The thing is, I love him with all of my heart. He was my HS sweetheart, my first love, my first sexual experience, the father of my children. I just can't shut my feelings off. He's not always an A$$. Just 95% of the time...lol
As far as the kids and the visits, I have to take them to see him, or he can come here to see them. It's court ordered by the state that he can only have supervised visits for the first 120 days. He was accused by my oldest son of physical abusing him. I wasn't home when it happened, or I was up taking a nap, I can't remember. But I guess they were goofing off and wrestling around and he took my son and threw him on the couch. Devon fell off the couch and hit the coffee table leaving a bruise the size of a baseball on his arm. Child protective services were called and the supervised visits were there request. It started out to be 60 days, then they changed it to 120 days. After that, he can see them for 8 hours a week with no supervision.
I was just thinking that maybe this is way out of the whole situation. Accuse me of stealing money from him so I would quit bringing the kids over. When he comes here for visits, he snoops around in my stuff. I will walk into a room and he will be in my cabinet drawers and stuff. last time he was here I told him to quit being so damn nosy and to get out of my stuff. The only thing he had to say was, well as long as we are still married, your business IS my business. What a JERK! The more I sit and think about it, the more I really can't stand the SOB.

[michaela]

I know what you mean girl. It is hard when all you ever knew is suddenly gone. But you have to work thru it and some day soon you'll realize that you made it, the hurt is easier to deal with and things will be better. I'd make him come to my house to see the kids. Don't call him or anything if he wants to see them he will remember. I stopped calling to remind my ex and he stopped coming around. Once he gets another couple thousand dollars behind on his child support I will sue him. Remember you give an inch and they take a mile. Follow your instincts!!

Michaela

[ICNJess]

Hey Kelli--

I am so sorry you are going through all of this. But it sounds like you really still love him. Have you thought about maybe sitting down and seeing if you could work things out, like maybe with a counselor? I only ask because I know how you feel, I am married to my high school sweetheart, my first you know what, and husband and etc. and I would hate to lose him. Keeping my fingers crossed for you, girl!

Lots of hugs,
Jess

[Kelli]

I have mentioned counceling, He says he's not going to tell a stranger his business. He absolutly refused to go.

[Jen_Cole]

Kelli-I haven't seen you post in awhile, but I had no idea you were going thru a divorce. When did all of this happen? I'm not trying to be nosy-I just had no idea you were going thru such a rough time. Sorry to hear about this-I really hope your situation gets better. Especially when kids are involved-I'd be absolutely LIVID if my husband ever did something like that to our son. Take care.

[ICNDonna]

Those visits don't necessarily have to be in either home. Some years ago I was secretary to a family counselor and one of my jobs was to supervise visits of a father to his children. We did the visits in an office.

Also, it doesn't have to be you doing the supervising. If you have a trusted friend or relative who is willing to help, either by being with you during those visits, or to supervise the visits, that could be an alternative.

Sending an encouraging hug,
Donna

[Kelli]

Jen,
Thanks for posting hun, yeah it's been awhile since I have seen you as well! I moved out on August 4th. But I think it was like July 21st or 22nd that DHS came in to my house and said I had to remove the kids. I was absolutly LOST! I was mad, depressed, and just plain confused. There is another post I made I think it's on the Just Venting board, I don't think he hurt Devon intentionally. He could barely spank them. He did one time that I remember, then he came into my office, shut the door and cried. He felt just awful. But, we also had alot of other issues in our marriage and the separation was going to happen eventually anyways, this just kind of pushed the issue. He's a good man when he wants to be. He's very controlling and obsessive. I wasn't allowed to go out without him, or someone HE trusted me to go with. Which the only people he trusted me to go with were people who were married. His thought was if I went out with a single friend, she was probably out looking for guys and if she was, then I was. Which is completly NOT true. No one can make me look for other guys but me, reguardless of if the person I'm with is married or not! So, that was a big problem. Another was money, my Dr bills and prescription costs. Like I said, it was bound to happen anyways, I just didn't think I would be pushed out the door, ya know?


Donna,
I know I can have someone else do the visits, I just feel more comfortable doing it myself. Then I know exactly what goes on. If I am busy, or have to work, I reschedule. My youngest son, Kwentin, is scared to go without me. So that is another reason I do it myself. To make him feel more comfortable too. I want this whole process to be as easy as possible on them, and if the visits cause him anxiety, I couldn't deal with that.


Love and Hugs,
Kelli

[ICNDonna]

I wish I could be there to go with you.

Sending a giant encouraging hug,
Donna

[ICNJess]

Kelli--

I know it's not really my business or place to say this, but I am glad to hear that you are getting out of that situation. That's got to be some kind of abuse, and no one deserves that!

I hope that all goes well for you and your precious children.

Hugs and prayers to you and your kids,
Jess grouphug angel kissing

[Iris]

Hi Kelli, I feel the same way as Jesse and wish you all the best for you and your children, no one should have to live life like that, take care of you and the kids, hugs and all the best to you Iris kissing grouphug