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  • #16
    ok here's my 2 cents worth.

    I think that if your boyfriend has stayed with you in your relationship for a year and a half after your diagnosis, he plans to stay with you. I think if he was going to walk out, he would have done it long ago. I didn't have your fears, well not all of them anyways. I had two children before I found out that I had IC. I had been in my marriage for two years. That is what terrified me. I was unable to have sex for months at a time and I was scared to death he would leave me for someone else. But he didn't. He stuck by me and tried so hard to understand and cope with this illness just like I did. We learned alot together. It wasn't until just a few months back that we split up. I blamed IC at first. I didn't think he could take it anymore. But I know now that wasn't it. If he was going to leave because of the IC, or any other of the 5 illness's I have, he would have done it years ago.
    I think your boyfriend is a very wonderful man to have gone through the last year and a half with you. Most men wouldn't have. Note I said MOST. Maybe he's not ready for marriage yet, or maybe he thinks you aren't ready. Have you talked about it? I also believe you can have children with IC. There are people on this site who have done it and who are doing it right now. Sure, there are risks involved, but there are risks in every pregnancy even with the healthiest of women. You just have to keep your chin up, stop focusing on the bad things and strive for the good. Patience is the key word. Good things come to those who are patient.


    Kelli
    IC Angel: Proudly supporting the Children and the Elderly with IC.


    E-Mail: [email protected]

    http://www.myspace.com/lilmiss200595


    Revelation 21:4
    "And he will wipe out every tear from their eyes, and death will be no more, neither will mourning nor outcry nor pain be anymore. The former things have passed away."

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    • #17
      Thank you, my friends!

      I didn't mention this, but I think it is relevant to my post. Before this last relationship, I was with another man for 6 years. Lived with him for 2 years. While I have only been diagnosed with IC about 1 year and 8 months, I've had problems for years before that. I do have a history of chronic UTIs, but also other times when I just didn't feel right. Now I know that is IC.

      I can definitely relate to Teri when she stated that she thought everyone's bladder felt bad sometimes. That's what I thought too.

      But my old boyfriend used it against me a lot. He would get angry, thought that I used symptoms to avoid things like having sex or going out if I didn't feel like it. It was very frusterating for me and I had no diagnosis of IC or anything that I could be validated with.

      Anyway, I eventually left him b/c the relationship was awful and he treated me very badly.

      I am so thankful to have a boyfriend who is so kind and understanding when I am not feeling well. I am grateful to not have to justify my symptoms or fight about if they are real or all in my head. I know what is it like to have someone not believe you or hold it against you when you feel sick.

      I know I need to live in the moment. I'm happy to hear that others here have happy marriages and were able to have children. That definitely makes me feel better.

      Thanks again to all who posted and for your support. I don't know what I would do without you all!

      Big hugs!
      Nicole kissing grouphug

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      • #18
        Hey Nicole,

        I know you've got a lot of posts already, but I had to add one. I've been there, and am still there, just like you. I'm 26 and was diagnosed two days after my 24th birthday. I had just ended a relationship with a very selfish man, and felt like I'd never be loved again. I went a little crazy and drank more alchol, and did other stuff I'm not proud of to cope. Then, I began dating my current boyfriend, whom I've know for nine years. I found out he had cared for me before the IC and still did afer I was diagnosed. He's seen me at my worst and still thinks I'm beautiful and loveable. Basically, he doesn't see the IC, and slowly I'm learning not to be the IC. I think we'd all be lying if we said we never felt like lesser beings, but you get through it, because living life no matter what is more important than dwelling on what we cannot be anymore.

        I like a story I heard at a Weight Watchers meeting (one of the ways I got on with my life.) There was a man who had become, in seperate accidents, parapalegic. He said when he had all of his limbs he could do 10,000 things, now he can do 8,000 things. He said he'd rather concentrate on those 8,000 things instead of the 2,000 he couldn't do anymore. It's very difficult, but I try to remember this when I'm feeling down. Hope this helps some.

        Erica
        We tell ourselves stories in order to live--Joan Didion

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        • #19
          Sounds like we had similar situations with boyfriends Erica! It is hard to be dating someone and then develop IC. But I am glad that my boyfriend has been there and seen me through the whole process...he has seen me at my best and worst and has helped me through bad times. We are engaged now and I am so excited and happy!

          Thanks for sharing your story about the man who became paralyzed. When I was in school, I read about many disabilities and met with people with everything from brain injury to spinal cord injury to amputations. This had a great impact on me and helped me to not only have empathy for people with disabilities, but to look past whatever was wrong and see the person. I have trouble doing this with myself sometimes.

          Someone on here wrote that IC is a journey and it is that. Life is a journey as well. I guess the challenge is to make the most out of it.

          Take care,
          Nicole

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