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  • #1

    Boys Suck

    Why is it that boys suck?!?! My boyfriend and I broke up this past week.

    My cousin was in a car accident and was killed. When my Aunt called me, I was at my boyfriends house. Not only did he not ask me if I was okay or if I needed anything, he let me sit in his room by myself and cry. What on earth is this man thinking?!? Not only that, but he didn't even call me for a week after I found out to see how I was doing and if there was anything he could do. What on earth makes a man act this way?? Is it selfish of me to think that he should call me and be concerned?? It hurts to think that a man that supposedly loves me, doesn't seem to care when someone that I grew up with and loved a lot just died at 24. I don't think that he fully understands why it's over, either. Do any of you have any ideas??

    ~mel~
    Life is just a cycle of brilliance and blues. I can't help it if I'm stuck in brilliance.. hehe
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  • #2
    grouphug grouphug grouphug
    Hang in there , There is hope.
    There is hope. Prayer works.

    Love, Debbie

    Comment

    • #3
      Some people just don't know how to handle tragedy. Especially someone young, which I would assume you are. I agree he could have handled this a lot better. Another thing to think about too is the fact you said he is a boyfriend. If this is going to be the way he reacts to these situations and others, is this the person you would want to spend the rest of your life with. I am so sorry for your loss. I would really examine the relationship and make sure this is what you want and no one but you can really know what you want and the kind of person he is. Good Luck.

      Jolene
      Jolene

      "Life is what happens when you are making other plans" John Lennon

      IC diet cheat sheet....http://www.ic-network.com/diet/dietcheatsheet.html

      Information for Patients can be found here.
      http://www.ic-network.com/patientlinks.html


      Jen's tips for great IC sex..http://www.ic-network.com/forum/showthread.php?t=22522&highlight=jens+tips[/url]




      Newbie Angel...I will be happy to answer any questions or just listen. Email me at [email protected]

      "IC Angel Volunteers are not medical authorities nor do we offer medical advice. In all cases, we strongly encourage you to discuss your medical treatment with your personal medical care provider. Only they can, and should, give medical recommendations to you."

      Comment

      • #4
        Sure I have a suggestion. He is a boyfriend, not a husband. I think most young gals go through a stage where they feel like they need to cling to a boyfriend desperately. Truth is, boyfriends are a dime a dozen. This is the tryout phase, try one out and if he doesn't fit don't try to change him (impossible!), and don't get sad (a waste of your time), just dispose of him! The more you try out the better chance you have of finding the right one. I suggest you give this one his walking papers, and date a lot (without becoming sexually involved, this is one of the things that causes us to become entangled with a boyfriend in a way we should only ever be entangled with our husband), and find a nicer boy to be your friend. There is a lot of fun waiting for you out there lmao lmao lmao -k

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        • #5
          Hi Mel--

          Speaking as a younger person like you, I'd like to say that it's not just "boyfriends" that act that way, but sometimes husbands do, too. It's men. But maybe he didn't know how to deal with something so tradgic. Sounds like he's a little immature, if he can't grasp why you broke up.

          Anyway, not gonna give you a lecture here, just gonna give you some support, and any time you feel that urge to cry, you do it. You have been through a lot lately, and I'm so sorry.

          I'm sorry about your cousin and your guineas and your job, the boyfriend...all that sad stuff.

          But they say, what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. You fight with IC all day every day...you can fight any battle.

          I'm sure you'll find a more mature guy who deserves such a great girl like you. He's out there, and you'll find each other. Feel better!

          Love and hugs,
          Jess
          Mommy to 2 crazy, wonderful kids and wife to the most amazing man in the world!

          Comment

          • #6
            Hi Mel, sorry to read about everything you have been going through lately, but the gals have given you great advice, and we are all here to help you and support you through this. Sorry to read about your cousin, that must have been very hard for you. Hope that you will start to heal from everything, and let us know how you are doing, and life is treating you, love and hugs Iris hi kissing grouphug
            Today and every day you are loved, so don't be anxious about tomorrow, God will take care of you tomorrow; Live one day at a time.

            Comment

            • #7
              It is not "men" who act that way. There are 3 billion men in this world. Many are very decent. Some use this board and should feel welcome. Some PEOPLE, women and men, are pretty unpleasant to be in a relationship with, some are not. sorry if I sound crabby, but I just came from spending the day at the home of a friend who treats her fiancee like dirt, and have heard enough man - bashing for one day. If any of our male users are reading this, this next line is 4U:
              --K

              Comment

              • #8
                I agree, Karen... And I do understand the need to vent. One of my favorite mantras when I was in college was "men suck", but I don't feel that way anymore. Relationships can suck. wink
                Kim

                Diagnosed August 2001

                Current IC meds: Elmiron (since 2001), Levaquin (one pill after intercourse to prevent UTIs), Effexor (for depression & anxiety)

                Past IC meds: Amitriptyline (Elavil), Hydroxyzine (Vistaril), Detrol LA, Lexapro (for depression & anxiety, but also helped my IC) (They all helped, but I was able to discontinue them.)

                I've been virtually symptom free and able to eat & drink whatever I'd like for about 8 years now.

                *****************************

                “We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms -- to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way.” ~ Viktor Frankl

                “You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you.” ~ Brian Tracy

                Comment

                • #9
                  I agree, it is not just men that suck but some women as well. I've read enough posts on this board to see how unsupportive husbands can be. I think people in general can be pretty cold and uncaring. But I was saying that for the sake of this discussion, it's pretty cold and horrible that your boyfriend, Mel, couldn't be there for you when you needed him.

                  I'm not "male bashing" just saying that there are some really cold men out there. Isn't that what this thread's about???

                  Mel-- I hope you feel better soon. Take care of you, you don't need to end up in a flare! Things will get better, have faith. If you need anything, just hollar, we are all here for you!

                  Hugs,
                  Jess
                  Mommy to 2 crazy, wonderful kids and wife to the most amazing man in the world!

                  Comment

                  • #10
                    Sorry 4 being *****y last nite - I was at the home of 1 of my husbands coworkers yesterday who is a really nice guy, supportive, great with his fiancee's kids from a previous marriage, etc, and all the lady does is put him down and yell at him. It was just sad. Anyway I think there are lotsa nice supportive men out there, my husband is definitely one of them, and their existence is often lost on this board because it is primarily a venting-place. Important for MelanieJean to understand, though, there are nice men out there, or else maybe she will just settle for the jerk. The only way to find a nice man is to shop, shop, and shop some more - be very quick to walk away and very slow to overlook faults - for example, MelanieJean, say you overlooked this little episode and choose to stay with the guy due to his good points, and marry him...then you wll be with him if you ever have a miscarriage or lose a child, when your parents and other older relatives pass on, and for any other tragedy that happens in your life - and you will NEVER have support when you need it most, and will not be able to change your mind and walk away so easily - especially if you have kids. Husbands usually only suck if you ignore the warning signals and marry the sucky boyfriend. Mvnfwd55, my heart goes out to you about your daughter, our society gives girls such a strong message to degrade themselves and it must be really awful to watch your own child struggle with that. I am pregnant and hoping for another boy for just that reason. --k

                    Comment

                    • #11
                      Mel,
                      sorry for your lose I feel your pain, my uncle passed 9/17 , It's not just boyfriends, some hubbys do the samething, I agree with dyno, they can't handle it, they don't know how to deal with pain so they withdraw. Not by any means is this an excuse, because I wanted to knock my husbands teeth out when I got the call at 530am that uncle don passed on..... all he said was well it was for the best... and rolled back over to sleep.....I am sending you hugs
                      Brat
                      'The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.'

                      Comment

                      • #12
                        The only reason I dittoed what Karen said was a fear that a new male patient may stumble along this site and see that post and feel excluded somehow. If I was scared, feeling vulnerable, sad, confused and went to a predominantly male site and one of the first posts I saw was saying "women suck" I might think twice about sticking around.

                        I know that wasn't the intention of the post, I really do. And I have my days when men don't rank high on my list, but that was what motivated my post: fear for a male newcomer...
                        Kim

                        Diagnosed August 2001

                        Current IC meds: Elmiron (since 2001), Levaquin (one pill after intercourse to prevent UTIs), Effexor (for depression & anxiety)

                        Past IC meds: Amitriptyline (Elavil), Hydroxyzine (Vistaril), Detrol LA, Lexapro (for depression & anxiety, but also helped my IC) (They all helped, but I was able to discontinue them.)

                        I've been virtually symptom free and able to eat & drink whatever I'd like for about 8 years now.

                        *****************************

                        “We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms -- to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way.” ~ Viktor Frankl

                        “You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you.” ~ Brian Tracy

                        Comment

                        • #13
                          I am pretty convienced that if we took into consideration on warning signs on men that are emotionless there would be alot more single women out here. I love my husband despite his flaws and there are many as I am so sure I have quit a few... There are men in this world who really cannot deal with death, and show emotions. Its like a gene it cant be changed, and you can liie with it. the only warning sign that should be taken seriously is verbal, physical and mental abuse,and, possison, if your boyfriend shows them its time to toss his a$$ back in the water
                          Brat
                          'The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.'

                          Comment

                          • #14
                            Hey guys. It's not that I hate boys or that boys suck. It's that that one boy sucks! We dated on and off for about two and half years. After all that has happened in the past 4 weeks, it's just really hard to take a deep breath and let it all go. Even taking my anti-depressants, I'm still feeling really down. I feel like my heart is gonna rip into pieces. From losing my job, my piglets dying and now my cousin and my boyfriend... I don't know how much more I can handle. Your support means a lot to me. I'm glad that I have somewhere to turn. ~mel~
                            Life is just a cycle of brilliance and blues. I can't help it if I'm stuck in brilliance.. hehe

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