I had such a bad fight with my husband tonight and I am so scared and alone right now. He is unhappy with his job and angry that I am not well enough to work and it always comes out when he is mad. My IC is so out of control and while I think I found the right Doc, it is going to take time. He was angry tonight that the laundry is piling up and I forgot to get his clean towels out of the dryer. We have to go outside through TONS of snow and down to the basement to do laundry and with the pain I have been having today it was SO hard to carry that basket. He just doesn't get it! He insinuated that I am lazy because I took a nap with the kids today(I am on so many drugs that make me tired) and he insinuates that I use pain as an excuse to sit around while he works. He is also angry that we haven't had sex in weeks(again, he thinks I use pain as an excuse). I apologize to him all the time when dishes and laundry pile up, or things don't get done. I know he is frustrated and doesn't mean it, but it hurts so much when he treats me like this! I do work part time, but have had few hours this month, and I take care of our two girls and the house the best I can. I keep trying to get him to read some articles through here about IC and chronic pain or go to a therapist or even the doctor with me, but he says I am trying to diagnose him. Also, after two years without periods (between an IUD and Depo) I actually had a period today and it is making my pain HORRIBLE! I just hate this disease so much!
I feel am losing everything I have worked so hard to have: my family, my husband, my self respect, my dignity. I think that he gets it, but then when something little and trivial doesn't go his way, he just explodes and all these feelings he denies having come out.
I feel bad posting this here, but I just feel like no one else understands. I had just graduated from college and was ready to work in a field I am passionate about and then BAM! The pain and symptoms got out of control. I can hardly leave my house any more and the treatments I have tried left me wetting myself in public, losing hair, having nausea almost every day and so tired. I don't like to get my family involved with my personal life because they tend to harbor bad feelings so I hate to talk to them about this stuff. There are days I would just give ANYTHING to have things back to normal and I think it is just going to get worse before it gets better. It is so hard when the person youlove the most doesn't know you at all anymore. I don't even feel like me today, just an empty, defeated shell of who I used to be.

I feel bad posting this here, but I just feel like no one else understands. I had just graduated from college and was ready to work in a field I am passionate about and then BAM! The pain and symptoms got out of control. I can hardly leave my house any more and the treatments I have tried left me wetting myself in public, losing hair, having nausea almost every day and so tired. I don't like to get my family involved with my personal life because they tend to harbor bad feelings so I hate to talk to them about this stuff. There are days I would just give ANYTHING to have things back to normal and I think it is just going to get worse before it gets better. It is so hard when the person youlove the most doesn't know you at all anymore. I don't even feel like me today, just an empty, defeated shell of who I used to be.
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