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  • Counseling

    My husband and I have lived together for 16 years, married 14, and are both in our 40's. I just want to say publicly that we have started marriage counseling recently. I know IC puts a strain on most marriages, and it's usually not the only strain in the relationship. I also know some people are afraid to go to counseling because they think it's embarassing, or that it's only for couple whose relationships are disasters.

    We are okay, under a lot of pressure, and decided to start counseling now rather than let things get too bad. I am proud of us for our decision, and happy to say that even in the first couple of weeks we seem to be more in tune with each other. I wanted to let everyone know about this in case you've been hesitating, thinking there's a stigma or that no one you know has ever had to get help -- now you know someone. I can't say how it will be long-term, but I am really, really glad we're doing this.

    BTW, since our insurance has no benefits for marriage counseling, the psychologist we're seeing put one of us down as the patient with a dx of relationship disorder, or something like that. So we'll get 20 visits covered. But even if we had not been able to work that out, I can't think of many things that are more worth the investment.

    Okay, that's it! Just wanted to put it out there.
    Je vous souhaite de la joie, de la bonne santée, et tout ce qu'il y a de bon dans la vie.
    Wishing you happiness and good health, and all the best out of life.

    Peace, Carolyn
    ___________________________________________________

    Laura (11), Susannah (12 1/2) and Maman (that's me!), North Wildwood NJ, September 2007


    On the Beach with IC

  • #2
    that is a very brave and wonderful thing you guys are doing for your marriage.i wish more people would work on their marriage like that before giving up.my husband and i promised from the beginning that no matter what we would always do what it takes to keep our marriage strong,and keep us happy and in love.when it seems like were getting in a slump,like just going through the routine but not really noticing each other,we say it and then do something spontanious together,or just talk all night and catch up.i hope we can always do that.i think our significant others should always be our best friends and biggest supporters.good for you carolyn and good luck to you and your hubby.jamie

    Comment


    • #3
      I think thats great!!

      I think counseling is a really good idea for all IC patients and hubbys it gives the husband a chance to learn and be involved in what is going on with us.. I think one of the biggest problems our husbands or partners have with us having this disease is that they feel helpless and that is a hard thing for a man to deal with, because most grow up thinking that they are the care taker and just dont know how to deal with not being able to do just that...
      Hugs
      Ronda

      ONE Second, ONE Bite, ONE Breath, ONE Pill, ONE Minute, ONE Teardrop, ONE Hour, ONE Sip.. ONE DAY! I will Prevail from this disease! IC Hoping for a Cure!


      Link to Patient Handbook:
      http://www.ic-network.com/handbook/

      Diet Reference Sheet:
      http://www.ic-network.com/diet/icndi...tsheet0909.pdf

      Meds For IC: Lyrica-25mg Glucosamine-500 MSM-500mg, Prosed Ds -When Flaring

      Other Meds: Levlite- Continious Birtcontrol, Micardis-40mg for High Blood Pressure

      Meds I have Tried:
      Topamax,Tofranil, Elmiron, Atarax, Cymbalta, Elavil, Enablex, Detral La, Prydium.
      Lexapro< Bad reaction to this med!
      Intstills, could not continue them due to some kind of reaction after 3rd instill. Tasted the lidocaine in my mouth, tongue and lips went numb then went into what seemed like a panic attack. Shaking, racing heart, tingling face/head, blood pressure shot up..

      Dx With IC in Nov 2006 with Hydro/Cysto
      Hydro/Cysto Caused Bladder to Rupture.

      Other Dxs-Vulvodynia,Fibro, Endo, IBS, HPV, Migraines, Spastic Colon, Mild Dysplasia.



      ICN Volunteers are not medical authorities nor do we offer medical advice. In all cases, we strongly encourage you to discuss your medical treatment with your personal medical care provider. Only they can, and should, give medical recommendations to you.

      Comment


      • #4
        I am so proud of you for taking the first step before it is needed. Good for you

        Comment


        • #5
          That's so great. I think it's healthy for all couples to take the time to look at their relationships occasionally just to be sure they don't let themselves get into a deep rut they can't climb out of.

          Warm hugs,
          Donna
          Stay safe


          Elmiron Eye Disease Information Center - https://www.ic-network.com/elmiron-p...mation-center/
          Elmiron Eye Disease Fact Sheet (Downloadable) - https://www.ic-network.com/wp-conten...nFactSheet.pdf

          Have you checked the ICN Shop?
          Click on ICN Shop at the top of this page. You'll find Bladder Builder and Bladder Rest, both of which we are finding have excellent results.

          Patient Help: http://www.ic-network.com/patientlinks.html

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          I am not a medical authority nor do I offer medical advice. In all cases, I strongly encourage you to discuss your medical treatment with your personal medical care provider. Only they can, and should, give medical recommendations to you.
          [3MG]

          Anyone who says something is foolproof hasn't met a determined fool

          Comment


          • #6
            HI! I think it's great too that you are going for counseling. I've always been a firm believer in counseling.....not matter what it's for! Life is rough and it's great having an extra set of ears listening to problems....getting another view point on things.
            I have just gotten an appt with a therapist myself for next week. I've been under SO much stress due to illnesses lately that I thought it would be good for me to go and learn some new ways to deal with stress. Lord knows we could all use that with all we deal with!! Good luck to you! Roxie

            Double Spinal Cord Stimulator surgery 8/09
            Unsuccessful MiniArc sling surgery 12/07
            Dx'd Hypothyroid
            Dx'd Chronic Axonal Neuropathy & Myopathy
            June 2007
            Dx'd IC May 2006 (after suffering for 25+ yrs!)
            First Cysto 1979
            First Hydro 1981 (Many treatments since then!)
            Collagin"Durasphere" injections for urethra
            Gall bladder surgery Aug. 2004
            Gastric Bypass Dec. 2004
            Dx'd: Barrett's Esphogus July 2004
            Dx'd: Vaginal Atrophy 2005
            Bladder surgery 2000
            Dx'd: IBS 2000
            Hysterectomy (fibroids) 1999
            Laminectomy 1989
            Dx'd: Degerative Disk Disorder 1989

            For IC I use Elmiron, Elavil and Freeze dried Aloe Vera (it works likes Elmiron, but naturally)and Azo as needed. I also take Zegerid, Randitine for Barrett's Esophagus. (which causes me to have constant yeast infections!)I take Cymbalta for Neuopathy/Myopathy pain. I use the Climara patch for menopause symptoms. I'm on a very strict diet because of the IC, IBS and Gastric Bypass. I take Primal Defense Probiotics and whole food Iron.
            I no longer have the awful urethral pain! I've been using MSM gel now for 4 mo. and haven't had a flare up or the urethra pain.....it's amazing stuff!!:woohoo:

            Comment


            • #7
              Carolyn that is great that you and your husband is seeking help. Sometimes when we are under alot of stress we can't see the light under the tunnel but with someone that is not under that pressure sometimes can see the bigger picture and is able to give you good advice and good tips to help better the relationship. Sometimes it can be something small we can do but just did not see it because of the pressure of life.

              I am definitely agreeing with Donna. Sometimes, even me, needs to sit back and look and see now we can move forward.

              I hope all goes well and good things will come out of it.
              Sending you many hugs, Trishann

              Comment


              • #8
                Carolyn that is so great that you are going to counseling. I think it's great to let others know that it is okay and normal. Your marriage is your most important relationship but lots of people don't treat it as such.
                Christine



                I have been diagnoised for 6 1/2 years now. I have taken a long break from the ICN but really miss helping out my fellow IC patients and want to get back into posting.
                1st hydro 4/07 showed no visible signs of IC but tons of mast cells in all my biopsy samples which did prove IC.
                2nd hydro 4/13/09 showed dark purple glomerulations and I had a capacity of 450 cc's. This hydro proved that my IC had progressed.
                I have tried every oral medication as well as rescue instills and DMSO.

                I have been lucky enough to see Dr Hanno, the top IC specialist in PA who has told me due to the fact that I have not responded to any "standard" treatments that I have a severe, end stage case of IC with a horrible quality of life (didn't have to tell me that last part!)

                Proud wifey of Shane, mommy to Griffin, and step-mom to Logan and Gage
                Also proud mom to the best Bullmastiff on earth, Claus

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Berkshire Road View Post
                  My husband and I have lived together for 16 years, married 14, and are both in our 40's. I just want to say publicly that we have started marriage counseling recently. I know IC puts a strain on most marriages, and it's usually not the only strain in the relationship. I also know some people are afraid to go to counseling because they think it's embarassing, or that it's only for couple whose relationships are disasters.
                  .
                  Thanks for sharing this with us, Carolyn. While IC was definitely a big stress on the relationship with my ex-fiance, it was by far not the only pressure we were dealing with. Brave husband you must have, men are not usually as open to counseling as women! I see a therapist regularly, but never did joint counseling with the ex, (he didn't need it, you know ) so I would find it interesting how this will go for you and your husband. Best wishes.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Yeah, Brig, my husband "doesn't need" individual counseling either, LOL. But at least we're working together, that's the most important thing. We have sixteen years and our child invested in this relationship; neither one of us wants things to go bad.
                    Je vous souhaite de la joie, de la bonne santée, et tout ce qu'il y a de bon dans la vie.
                    Wishing you happiness and good health, and all the best out of life.

                    Peace, Carolyn
                    ___________________________________________________

                    Laura (11), Susannah (12 1/2) and Maman (that's me!), North Wildwood NJ, September 2007


                    On the Beach with IC

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      That is great you both want the samething. Not wanting things to go bad. Hope you the best.

                      Sending hugs, Trishann

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        I think it's great, Carolyn. I like your husband already

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          carolyn i'm proud of you guys (very nice doctor too, btw...). i was considering this as well. we have been married almost 2 years (together 5), but my health (and horrible pregnancy) have really taken a toll on us. i don't think we have couples counseling benefits either. it takes courage to admit you need help but MORE courage to go GET help. i'll be thinking of you.

                          tracy
                          (Added by ICNMgrJill on 5/19/08. I am sad to share that Verdicries (aka Tracy) lost her life in a tragic accident just a few days ago. We will miss her support, her encouragement, her sense of humor and, of course, the joy that she found as a mother and wife).

                          Tracy ~ 29 years old with Toxoplasmosis (from birth), Fibro/CFS (since age 13...ouch), severe IC, IBS-D, severe PFD (surgery made it even worse), vulvodynia, hiatal hernia, GERD, ulcers, severe gastritis, numbness/tingling in extremeties, pelvic nerve damage--mainly urethral, urinary retention, pelvic reconstruction 7.10.07 (fixed rectocele, rectal prolapse, lifted bladder, urethra, uterus, and repaired vaginal walls), Raynaud's, 2 severely herniated discs in neck and one in low back, anemia, PCOS, anxiety/depression/panic attacks (since forever). Still having major bowel problems (inability to empty rectum...any ideas?? ).

                          I'd like to be on House, MD as a medical mystery.

                          Married to Craig, a saint amongst men...who puts up with me and my eccentricities...

                          Connor & Mommy by the tree:


                          Connor with Santa...so happy!


                          I take: LIQUID Atarax, Flomax, Soma (yet again), acidophilus, Glucosamine/Chondroitin with MSM & collagen, d-mannose. MAJOR flare from Cystoprotek! Re-trying freeze dried aloe vera w/some decent results!

                          Tried and failed: Elavil, Ultram, Prosed DS, Benadryl, Bentyl, Valium, Ativan, Zanaflex, Librax, Sanctura (all caused retention among other things), bladder instills (owwwwww!), Elmiron (allergic-throat tightening). Failed Interstim-no feeling in sacral nerves...

                          I'm allergic to penicillan, sulfa, reglan, quinolones, clindamycin, and now LATEX!

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Thanks Tracy.
                            Je vous souhaite de la joie, de la bonne santée, et tout ce qu'il y a de bon dans la vie.
                            Wishing you happiness and good health, and all the best out of life.

                            Peace, Carolyn
                            ___________________________________________________

                            Laura (11), Susannah (12 1/2) and Maman (that's me!), North Wildwood NJ, September 2007


                            On the Beach with IC

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