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Hi everyone
I FOUND you all...hanging out down in the sex talk room, wondered where everyone was...
just kidding....
I have had some very whiny and awful moments these past four years. I search and search and search, I can't find it because I don't know what IT is. It has made me a monster, but it has also put me in the position of stepping outside myself and watching myself just turn into a pitiful and lonely waif when I used to be very confident and self assured. I am still suffereing a huge loss of confidence (had a chat with my shrink about that last time..I guess it's normal) But I struggle with being the glue that holds my family together...I feel guilty when I am in severe pain and can't work, or my meds have me so spaced out I can't think straight. Slowly, we are learning laugh at the second part, but the first part keeps me stuck at anger.
My husband and I had a wonderful opportunity to go away for 3 whole days (and two whole nights) and hang out in Seattle, by ourselves. My birthday present. He got us a 4 star hotel room (Price line for less than half the cost..ha, ha, ha...he felt pretty studly) But it was nice. the first night we had dinner and it was wierd, almost first datish. We got back to the hotel and he flipped through the hotel channels and landed on the adult one. I was busy yapping in the bathroom. I came out...I really have never watched one of these because they looked so stupid. And my impression was correct. And so my laughter and cynical comments just didn't put either of us in the mood. (he just laughed and said "so much for that suggestion to help with the mood" It's not romance....It's just some stupid girls acting like they are turned on when they are not...geez..I made sure I pointed out all the little signs to show that blondie and pointy tit really weren't in the mood but were following the signs of someone off stage) So that stopped and we just talked about why we hadn't had sex in so long. He refused to believe that it had been 3 years. I told him when he hurt me last time it freaked him out. I saw the light bulb go on. So we spent alot of time discussing how I could accomodate and he could help... bottom line, we had a very good weekend. Nice thing it was fancy hotel room with service b/c we stayed put on Saturday (on Sunday went to Pike's place, for those of you familiar with Seattle) and I wanted to see the music experience but it was 40 bucks a person.
We also discussed probs with kids and my father in law, felt like we at least made some progess. Wnat can I say? NO anger of or frustration. just two adults talking. Nice.
well...my night night meds are nostpopping the yawns so i best sleep..take care yall. Oh, if it makes you feel any better, I have a yeast infecion.
I FOUND you all...hanging out down in the sex talk room, wondered where everyone was...
just kidding....I have had some very whiny and awful moments these past four years. I search and search and search, I can't find it because I don't know what IT is. It has made me a monster, but it has also put me in the position of stepping outside myself and watching myself just turn into a pitiful and lonely waif when I used to be very confident and self assured. I am still suffereing a huge loss of confidence (had a chat with my shrink about that last time..I guess it's normal) But I struggle with being the glue that holds my family together...I feel guilty when I am in severe pain and can't work, or my meds have me so spaced out I can't think straight. Slowly, we are learning laugh at the second part, but the first part keeps me stuck at anger.
My husband and I had a wonderful opportunity to go away for 3 whole days (and two whole nights) and hang out in Seattle, by ourselves. My birthday present. He got us a 4 star hotel room (Price line for less than half the cost..ha, ha, ha...he felt pretty studly) But it was nice. the first night we had dinner and it was wierd, almost first datish. We got back to the hotel and he flipped through the hotel channels and landed on the adult one. I was busy yapping in the bathroom. I came out...I really have never watched one of these because they looked so stupid. And my impression was correct. And so my laughter and cynical comments just didn't put either of us in the mood. (he just laughed and said "so much for that suggestion to help with the mood" It's not romance....It's just some stupid girls acting like they are turned on when they are not...geez..I made sure I pointed out all the little signs to show that blondie and pointy tit really weren't in the mood but were following the signs of someone off stage) So that stopped and we just talked about why we hadn't had sex in so long. He refused to believe that it had been 3 years. I told him when he hurt me last time it freaked him out. I saw the light bulb go on. So we spent alot of time discussing how I could accomodate and he could help... bottom line, we had a very good weekend. Nice thing it was fancy hotel room with service b/c we stayed put on Saturday (on Sunday went to Pike's place, for those of you familiar with Seattle) and I wanted to see the music experience but it was 40 bucks a person.
We also discussed probs with kids and my father in law, felt like we at least made some progess. Wnat can I say? NO anger of or frustration. just two adults talking. Nice.
well...my night night meds are nostpopping the yawns so i best sleep..take care yall. Oh, if it makes you feel any better, I have a yeast infecion.
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