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  • How do I explain to him?

    I've been in this new relationship for five weeks now. I've been staying at his place on a regular basis for the past week. I'm one of the lucky ones, I usually don't have flare ups from sex. We're not intimate, yet. I’ve told him about having IC. I’ve tried to explain what it is and have even guided him to this website. He’s been very understanding. My problem, you ask? Last night I had a flare up. I’m talking about screaming at the top of my lungs flare up. (Ok, so I only did this in my head, not out loud!) I told him that I was just going to go home so I wouldn’t disturb him in the night. This one comment ended up with me almost walking out. How do I explain that I’ve lost a husband because he couldn’t deal with this? That when I’m feeling the way I was I just want to be alone? I don’t want anyone seeing me like this. I don’t want to be rejected because I have IC.
    How do I explain this to someone new?
    Things change. The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it. Without change, something sleeps inside us, and seldom awakens. The sleeper must awaken......All things change.

  • #2
    I think you pretty much said it - explain it just the way you did in your post - you just need to sit him down and have a good heart to heart chat about it. One of THE most important things in dealing with IC in communication Not easy, I know, ugh.

    I am the EXACT same way you are, when I feel like crud, I want to be left alone. I was "lucky" (if you can call it that) when I was at my worst, my hubby worked out of town during the week, so I could be as miserable as I wanted and not be dragging anyone else down or disturbing them etc. lol I would just explain to him it's hard to be "social" when you feel yucky and are trying to be courteous to him, by not disturbing his sleep should you need to get up and down, up and down for trips to the bathroom etc. Then give him a chance to respond, maybe you can work something out for when you are over at his place and start to feel a flare coming on. Not to mention, I know when I am sick with ANYTHING I want to be home on my own couch, or in my own bed or on my own toilet, lol.

    I would tell him your fears - you've been hurt before because someone couldn't deal with it and you don't want that to happen again, etc. And see what he has to say, give him a chance But do do do let him know that your wanting to go home has NOTHING to do with him, it's not a rejection of him, etc. He needs to know exactly WHY you are leaving etc.

    Well, anyway, those are just my thoughts, and as usual it all comes back to just laying it out there and talking it over...

    HUGS!!!!
    Tracey
    Hugs,
    Tracey
    How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time...

    Harry arrived 2/23/09!



    *IC Volunteers are not medical authorities nor do we offer medical advice. In all cases, we strongly encourage you to discuss your medical treatment with your personal medical care provider. Only they can, and should, give medical recommendations to you.

    IC Diet Cheat Sheet:
    http://www.ic-network.com/diet/2009icdietlist.pdf



    Dx's:
    IC dx'd Nov 2004
    Lymphocytic Colitis dx'd July 2005
    Possible IBS
    Current IC Meds
    Vistaril 25mg in the evening
    Previous IC Meds taken:
    Cystoprotek - 2 caps 2x's a day
    Elmiron, 100mg 3x's a day
    Ditropan, 5 mg 3x's a day
    Others:
    Wellbutrin 150mg 2x's a day for Anxiety/IBS
    Pepcid 40mg a day for GERD
    Zytrec for Nasal Allergies
    Align Probiotic daily for IBS

    Comment


    • #3
      I think Tracey gave some great advice...Just throw it out there for him.. Its better if he runs now then before you get to attached..Good luck hun
      Hugs
      Ronda

      ONE Second, ONE Bite, ONE Breath, ONE Pill, ONE Minute, ONE Teardrop, ONE Hour, ONE Sip.. ONE DAY! I will Prevail from this disease! IC Hoping for a Cure!


      Link to Patient Handbook:
      http://www.ic-network.com/handbook/

      Diet Reference Sheet:
      http://www.ic-network.com/diet/icndi...tsheet0909.pdf

      Meds For IC: Lyrica-25mg Glucosamine-500 MSM-500mg, Prosed Ds -When Flaring

      Other Meds: Levlite- Continious Birtcontrol, Micardis-40mg for High Blood Pressure

      Meds I have Tried:
      Topamax,Tofranil, Elmiron, Atarax, Cymbalta, Elavil, Enablex, Detral La, Prydium.
      Lexapro< Bad reaction to this med!
      Intstills, could not continue them due to some kind of reaction after 3rd instill. Tasted the lidocaine in my mouth, tongue and lips went numb then went into what seemed like a panic attack. Shaking, racing heart, tingling face/head, blood pressure shot up..

      Dx With IC in Nov 2006 with Hydro/Cysto
      Hydro/Cysto Caused Bladder to Rupture.

      Other Dxs-Vulvodynia,Fibro, Endo, IBS, HPV, Migraines, Spastic Colon, Mild Dysplasia.



      ICN Volunteers are not medical authorities nor do we offer medical advice. In all cases, we strongly encourage you to discuss your medical treatment with your personal medical care provider. Only they can, and should, give medical recommendations to you.

      Comment


      • #4
        I have to agree with the ladies. One thing you have to remember is that communication is key. If he doesn't like it then it is better to know it now rather than later. You may want to have to conversation when your pain is at a mimimum though. I know that when I am in pain and trying to have a heart to heart with my S/O it doesn't always go smoothly because my pain tends to speak for me rather than my head!!

        Good Luck!

        Comment


        • #5
          Okay...Tracey took the words right out of my mouth and I didn't feel a thing.

          Oh my...am I ever like that. I get real quiet and withdrawn when I am not feeling well. I just want to be left alone. Thank God Hubby understands this. When I get real quiet, he always askes if I am having a flare. Then he lets me know that he is there to help if I need him.
          Sharon

          Shopping??? Did someone mention shopping? I'll get my hat... ;-)

          Where I can be found most days.



          Link to the ICN Patient Handbook:
          http://www.ic-network.com/handbook/

          Link to the IC Diet:
          http://www.ic-network.com/diet/


          IC Volunteers are not medical authorities nor do we offer medical advice. In all cases, we strongly encourage you to discuss your medical treatment with your personal medical care provider. Only they can, and should, give medical recommendations to you.

          Comment


          • #6
            Sharon, lol, I am glad that you didn't feel a thing, I must be getting better at it then! My hubby does the same thing, the minute I get quieter than usual, he immediately asks "are you feeling ok?" Or the other fave on car trips when I am quiet "do you have to pee?"
            Hugs,
            Tracey
            How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time...

            Harry arrived 2/23/09!



            *IC Volunteers are not medical authorities nor do we offer medical advice. In all cases, we strongly encourage you to discuss your medical treatment with your personal medical care provider. Only they can, and should, give medical recommendations to you.

            IC Diet Cheat Sheet:
            http://www.ic-network.com/diet/2009icdietlist.pdf



            Dx's:
            IC dx'd Nov 2004
            Lymphocytic Colitis dx'd July 2005
            Possible IBS
            Current IC Meds
            Vistaril 25mg in the evening
            Previous IC Meds taken:
            Cystoprotek - 2 caps 2x's a day
            Elmiron, 100mg 3x's a day
            Ditropan, 5 mg 3x's a day
            Others:
            Wellbutrin 150mg 2x's a day for Anxiety/IBS
            Pepcid 40mg a day for GERD
            Zytrec for Nasal Allergies
            Align Probiotic daily for IBS

            Comment


            • #7
              When I don't feel good, I get very, very cranky. Thankfully my husband does understand. I do let him know that I feel rotten and in a lousy mood, which usually get me a hug --- then he heads for his wood shop so I can watch soppy movies or read a book or just sleep.

              I agree that communication is the key.

              Donna
              Stay safe


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              I am not a medical authority nor do I offer medical advice. In all cases, I strongly encourage you to discuss your medical treatment with your personal medical care provider. Only they can, and should, give medical recommendations to you.
              [3MG]

              Anyone who says something is foolproof hasn't met a determined fool

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