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How do I explain to him?

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  • ICNDonna
    replied
    When I don't feel good, I get very, very cranky. Thankfully my husband does understand. I do let him know that I feel rotten and in a lousy mood, which usually get me a hug --- then he heads for his wood shop so I can watch soppy movies or read a book or just sleep.

    I agree that communication is the key.

    Donna

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  • traceann
    replied
    Sharon, lol, I am glad that you didn't feel a thing, I must be getting better at it then! My hubby does the same thing, the minute I get quieter than usual, he immediately asks "are you feeling ok?" Or the other fave on car trips when I am quiet "do you have to pee?"

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  • SharonA
    replied
    Okay...Tracey took the words right out of my mouth and I didn't feel a thing.

    Oh my...am I ever like that. I get real quiet and withdrawn when I am not feeling well. I just want to be left alone. Thank God Hubby understands this. When I get real quiet, he always askes if I am having a flare. Then he lets me know that he is there to help if I need him.

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  • aprilmae
    replied
    I have to agree with the ladies. One thing you have to remember is that communication is key. If he doesn't like it then it is better to know it now rather than later. You may want to have to conversation when your pain is at a mimimum though. I know that when I am in pain and trying to have a heart to heart with my S/O it doesn't always go smoothly because my pain tends to speak for me rather than my head!!

    Good Luck!

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  • leelee88
    replied
    I think Tracey gave some great advice...Just throw it out there for him.. Its better if he runs now then before you get to attached..Good luck hun

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  • traceann
    replied
    I think you pretty much said it - explain it just the way you did in your post - you just need to sit him down and have a good heart to heart chat about it. One of THE most important things in dealing with IC in communication Not easy, I know, ugh.

    I am the EXACT same way you are, when I feel like crud, I want to be left alone. I was "lucky" (if you can call it that) when I was at my worst, my hubby worked out of town during the week, so I could be as miserable as I wanted and not be dragging anyone else down or disturbing them etc. lol I would just explain to him it's hard to be "social" when you feel yucky and are trying to be courteous to him, by not disturbing his sleep should you need to get up and down, up and down for trips to the bathroom etc. Then give him a chance to respond, maybe you can work something out for when you are over at his place and start to feel a flare coming on. Not to mention, I know when I am sick with ANYTHING I want to be home on my own couch, or in my own bed or on my own toilet, lol.

    I would tell him your fears - you've been hurt before because someone couldn't deal with it and you don't want that to happen again, etc. And see what he has to say, give him a chance But do do do let him know that your wanting to go home has NOTHING to do with him, it's not a rejection of him, etc. He needs to know exactly WHY you are leaving etc.

    Well, anyway, those are just my thoughts, and as usual it all comes back to just laying it out there and talking it over...

    HUGS!!!!
    Tracey

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  • Sunshine8jr
    started a topic How do I explain to him?

    How do I explain to him?

    I've been in this new relationship for five weeks now. I've been staying at his place on a regular basis for the past week. I'm one of the lucky ones, I usually don't have flare ups from sex. We're not intimate, yet. I’ve told him about having IC. I’ve tried to explain what it is and have even guided him to this website. He’s been very understanding. My problem, you ask? Last night I had a flare up. I’m talking about screaming at the top of my lungs flare up. (Ok, so I only did this in my head, not out loud!) I told him that I was just going to go home so I wouldn’t disturb him in the night. This one comment ended up with me almost walking out. How do I explain that I’ve lost a husband because he couldn’t deal with this? That when I’m feeling the way I was I just want to be alone? I don’t want anyone seeing me like this. I don’t want to be rejected because I have IC.
    How do I explain this to someone new?
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