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This is directed to people who are dating, or in a new relationship with someone. I'm a very honest person and in general I feel honesty is the best policy, but sometimes when it comes to medical conditions, I have mixed feelings about this. I know many of us with IC really don't have a choice about whether to discuss it or not - it's pretty obvious when we're in the bathroom every few minutes. But some of us can sort of "get by" and a new person in our life not necessarily notice immediately. So many guys, even if they are nice, understanding people, just don't handle medical information well. It's very confusing and threatening to them. And it's also stressful for us to sit there and have to describe our whole medical history on a date. Personally, I don't think that's always the best approach. It can sometimes ruin a potentially good thing even before it gets started or has a chance. Some people are just intimidated by the whole concept of pain, illness, etc. esp. if sex is part of the scenario. I'd rather let a person get to know ME first, not my medical records. True, people who judge based on health issues are suffering from a lack of compassion somewhat, but we can't expect everybody to immediately get with the program in two seconds. It's a lot to absorb.
Nowdays, I tend to take a "wait and see" attitude before telling all and giving tons of info about my medical history to someone. In fact, I've been glad I didn't on several occasions when the relationship didn't work out for entirely other reasons than anything health related. I mean, are we supposed to give our personal medical histories about ourselves as if that sums us up, on the first date? Or even later? It's as if we don't have the right to keep certain things personal for awhile, or for as long as we can or wish to, because our bodies are an open book for the whole world to read. What about our privacy and feelings? It's as if I'm labeling myself "IC patient" instead of funny, intelligent, interesting, exciting person in my own right, and I think a guy sees it that way too, if I start out discussing my "health problem". True, some people are lucky and seem to run into all the understanding guys, and that's great. But I don't really think that's the norm, unfortunately.
So then the question becomes, when and how to discuss it? Again, I think small doses of info is best. Hitting someone over the head with it all at once will scare away lots of guys. They aren't necessaryily "bad" people, they just aren't geared to hearing a lot of bad news like that in the beginning of a relationship. It's rough and I don't have the solution, but maybe we should look at the possibility of slowly discussing it over time. It just seems to me that some potentially nice relationships get killed off or nipped in the bud before they've had a chance. Let the person shine through first, then the body. If we put our bodies first, as if that's the be all and end all, then when do our personalities have a chance to work their magic on another person lol? I don't advocate lying to anyone, no. It's HOW and WHEN to transmit this information. True, you don't want to do it just before the "big night" and he's expecting sex 24/7. I'm just trying to keep things from self-destructing too early and maybe give more relationships a chance before they're dismissed out of hand.
Nowdays, I tend to take a "wait and see" attitude before telling all and giving tons of info about my medical history to someone. In fact, I've been glad I didn't on several occasions when the relationship didn't work out for entirely other reasons than anything health related. I mean, are we supposed to give our personal medical histories about ourselves as if that sums us up, on the first date? Or even later? It's as if we don't have the right to keep certain things personal for awhile, or for as long as we can or wish to, because our bodies are an open book for the whole world to read. What about our privacy and feelings? It's as if I'm labeling myself "IC patient" instead of funny, intelligent, interesting, exciting person in my own right, and I think a guy sees it that way too, if I start out discussing my "health problem". True, some people are lucky and seem to run into all the understanding guys, and that's great. But I don't really think that's the norm, unfortunately.
So then the question becomes, when and how to discuss it? Again, I think small doses of info is best. Hitting someone over the head with it all at once will scare away lots of guys. They aren't necessaryily "bad" people, they just aren't geared to hearing a lot of bad news like that in the beginning of a relationship. It's rough and I don't have the solution, but maybe we should look at the possibility of slowly discussing it over time. It just seems to me that some potentially nice relationships get killed off or nipped in the bud before they've had a chance. Let the person shine through first, then the body. If we put our bodies first, as if that's the be all and end all, then when do our personalities have a chance to work their magic on another person lol? I don't advocate lying to anyone, no. It's HOW and WHEN to transmit this information. True, you don't want to do it just before the "big night" and he's expecting sex 24/7. I'm just trying to keep things from self-destructing too early and maybe give more relationships a chance before they're dismissed out of hand.
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