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Well...It has happened...I finally snapped. I am so damn sick and tired of being lonely, treated disrespectfully by my children, ignored by my husband (or yelled at for spending TEN dollars to have a kid mow our lawn, as a favor for him), I told him him I had no place in his life, I was now always on the outside looking in, and I wanted a divorce. I also emphasized that I still loved him, but he doesn't reciprocate the feeling and so I am left with a constant sick feeling in my belly (You know that feeling you used to get in high school when you and your boyfriend/girlfriend broke up....? That's how I constantly feel.)
He has had a very tough year teaching. But he always has. He takes on more than he can possibily tackle, and because he is such a perfectionist, if it doesn't turn out right he takes it out on me. Not physically, but emotionally. Do you know what it's like to sit next to your husband on the couch and have him scoot as far away as he can get to avoid touching you? Or, when you are really hurting and your youngest (11 year old) who happens to be borderline oppositionally defiant (and has zero respect for me) and she is arguing with him or me, and he just picks up his stuff and splits? Bull****. My oldest is so into herself, as most kids at 17 are, that she breaks a fingernail and her day is ruined and her stress is so much higher than mine. On top of all this, I'm supposed to make sure dinner is on the table by 6:00 (I agreed to handle that, after all, I am home) But half the time no one is home and bothers to tell me. This past week I've stopped making dinner and my husband is ****** but I tell him...communicate...everyone needs to communicate w/me. I plan for 6. If you want to eat at 5 or 7 fine, just let me know.
His father wound up in the hospital this week as well. This is the dad who hasn't bathed in 3 years? When they stripped him, he had pusy sores from a fall last year, on his shins (he's diabetic) He has never cleaned them or bandaged, ect....on his back, my husband saw a 4 inch mold patch. Still, Bill was in the hospital for a week and he wouldn't allow them to bathe him. He found out we refused to bring him home, and he relented on the bath, learned to give himself insulin (he was bending the needles until he found out roger said we refused to do it for him), So...he's home temporarily...30 days with OT, PT and a med aide to give him a bath 2 times a week. A nurse weekly to check him. He still doesn't know he goes to a permanent residence in a month. We've tried for 8 years. Can't do it anylonger. At least my husband did say, when they said "your wife is home, why can't she do this" He just stared at them and said "she is sick herself, my father will expect her to be his houseservant, and she needs rest....THIS is not what she will do for the next 10 years of her life, especially since she's trying to figure out something vocationally she can do." (I hear THIS through the brother) OH...he was in the hospital because his kidneys were failing, he was having myoclonic seizures in his muscles (too much of some meds) and he was way dehydrated. He only drinks coffee and diet pop. he refuses water, but he drinks it now.
Anyway..had to sound off. Very difficult for me to speak aloud. No one to talk to without family to hear. I don't know what will happen now that I've thrown the D word out there. he just told me my timing was impeccable with all the **** in his life. I just responded...Is there ever a good time?
Anyway...gotta go...happy dad's day...
T
He has had a very tough year teaching. But he always has. He takes on more than he can possibily tackle, and because he is such a perfectionist, if it doesn't turn out right he takes it out on me. Not physically, but emotionally. Do you know what it's like to sit next to your husband on the couch and have him scoot as far away as he can get to avoid touching you? Or, when you are really hurting and your youngest (11 year old) who happens to be borderline oppositionally defiant (and has zero respect for me) and she is arguing with him or me, and he just picks up his stuff and splits? Bull****. My oldest is so into herself, as most kids at 17 are, that she breaks a fingernail and her day is ruined and her stress is so much higher than mine. On top of all this, I'm supposed to make sure dinner is on the table by 6:00 (I agreed to handle that, after all, I am home) But half the time no one is home and bothers to tell me. This past week I've stopped making dinner and my husband is ****** but I tell him...communicate...everyone needs to communicate w/me. I plan for 6. If you want to eat at 5 or 7 fine, just let me know.
His father wound up in the hospital this week as well. This is the dad who hasn't bathed in 3 years? When they stripped him, he had pusy sores from a fall last year, on his shins (he's diabetic) He has never cleaned them or bandaged, ect....on his back, my husband saw a 4 inch mold patch. Still, Bill was in the hospital for a week and he wouldn't allow them to bathe him. He found out we refused to bring him home, and he relented on the bath, learned to give himself insulin (he was bending the needles until he found out roger said we refused to do it for him), So...he's home temporarily...30 days with OT, PT and a med aide to give him a bath 2 times a week. A nurse weekly to check him. He still doesn't know he goes to a permanent residence in a month. We've tried for 8 years. Can't do it anylonger. At least my husband did say, when they said "your wife is home, why can't she do this" He just stared at them and said "she is sick herself, my father will expect her to be his houseservant, and she needs rest....THIS is not what she will do for the next 10 years of her life, especially since she's trying to figure out something vocationally she can do." (I hear THIS through the brother) OH...he was in the hospital because his kidneys were failing, he was having myoclonic seizures in his muscles (too much of some meds) and he was way dehydrated. He only drinks coffee and diet pop. he refuses water, but he drinks it now.
Anyway..had to sound off. Very difficult for me to speak aloud. No one to talk to without family to hear. I don't know what will happen now that I've thrown the D word out there. he just told me my timing was impeccable with all the **** in his life. I just responded...Is there ever a good time?
Anyway...gotta go...happy dad's day...
T
On the Beach with IC 
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