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The "D" word

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    tigger_gal
    ICN Member

  • tigger_gal
    replied
    so sorry you are going thru this. If you seriously are wanting a divorce I certainly waste money on season tickets. Maybe buy him divorce papers, and put them in a big red heart. I think that you have a lot to be angry, hurt, and unappreciated about. Sending you really big hugs.

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  • leelee88
    Support Volunteer

  • leelee88
    replied
    Buy him a balloon and start saving your money to get out of that hell hole...
    leelee88
    Support Volunteer
    Last edited by leelee88; 06-17-2007, 03:40 PM.

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  • MakinIT
    ICN Member

  • MakinIT
    replied
    A little earlier I went to take my shower, I told everyone not to use our "land Line' phone b/c the battery was low. My youngest said "have to call someone". I told her she needed to wait. (She's the one who usually leaves the damn thing sitting around for the battery to run down and it gets buried in her pigsty that her father never backs me up on making her clean up)She grabbed it anyway and went to her room..I just stared at my husband, he looked at me and the expression was "what?"....I can't let her borrow my cell because she tried to text message my FIL that he was an ahole and stunk (found that in my draft files...she couldn't figure out how to send it) My husband was furious but hasn't dealt with it. I found it 4 days ago and he said "her weekend is over" Well...she spent Friday at a friends, Saturday at a birthday party, saturday night at the same friend's...So much for discipline. She came home this morning sweet to everyone but snotty to me. Not a word said by my husband re: her attitude. So when the phone issue came up, it wasn't a big deal but it was cumulitive. I went to the shower, got angrier and angrier, got out and went to take a nap. When I got up, he was gone...Down in his classroom. I went down there and asked if we were still going to dinner and he said it depended on if I was going to behave like a child. That was it...I laid into him, stormed out of his classroom...oh, I threw the gift cards at him and told him to go ahead and take the family. When I got home Kelsey was watching TV and I asked her if we could talk and she said "I'm watching a video"...and I said , yes..it's on, on DEMAND...you can restart it and replay it. I promise we won't get into a fight. I told her I loved her and gave her a kiss. She promptly wiped it off her forehead (I expected...she always does) but i kept repeating I love you to her and she finally said it back. I asked her if we could speak more civilily to each other. She shrugged. I told her we could try and asked her if we could start with hug in the mornings, and one right then. That was a No . I have done nothing to harm this child, it's just that her dad gives her everything. It's really messed up. He has Kelsey and goes to the store, she says "PLEEEEZE dadddddy can I have this?" and he buys it. We can't afford it...but he buys it. She and I go to the store and she says "PLEEEEEZE Mommy..." and I say "we can't afford it"...But mom....then the low "dad woulda got it"...see...then he *****es at me when my cash runs out and tells me..we have to have a budget and stick to it. However, if Kelsey has done a good job keeping her room clean and being a civil human being, I will often buy stuff for her. She knows that about me. Her father promised to fly her to Disneyland this summer but I doubt that will happen.
    We don't have the money. She's excited thinking it is her and Dad. I'm furious...He has established these very strong bonds with the kids by going to Europe with the eldest, twice and to NY once, and is trying to find a way to go to Disneyland. Caitlin was quite a bit older and she didn't look at it in the same way Kelsey does. (IE: I get Dad all to myself) Caitlin actually missed me.

    I don't know...with all the chaos, and I do not do well in chaos, my life has to be orderly because I am seriously ADHD and between that and my meds I can't remember squat. Our house is a constant clutter magnent (it smells better though) and if anything is missing, I am the one who gets the finger pointed at. I want my own 1 bedroom little place......Furniture will be a bit rough at first, ha, ha, ha...

    AAAAAAAHHH...I just don't know what to do...the brother in law (not the leech who lives around here, the one who was scheduled to go to Iraq for time 3 but has a very strange growth on his big toe bone that may required amputation...then a stateside M.O.) that Roger confides everything in says Roger is very worried about me and thinks I am over medicated but he never says any of this...If anything, he acts disinterested. He has the kids convinced my behaviors are due to my meds. My behaviors are normal reactions to very stressful situations. Anyway....I'm done boring you for now...Our anniversary is in 2 days...I'm still trying to decide whether to buy him season tickets to the WinterHawks (Jr. Hockey league in Portland) as one of his good friends has had tickets forever and Roger really enjoys going out with him and having a night of hockey with his buddy. Maybe I'll just buy him a balloon.

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  • leelee88
    Support Volunteer

  • leelee88
    replied
    You are so right Tracey there is never a good time to brring the "D" word up, But yo have been so miserable for so long now, with not any support or from anyone in the house...I honstly feel from your post that if you dont do something soon you are headed for a nervous breakdown..You deserve so much more than what you are getting.. You are a wonderful person and you should be treated that way.. Please PM me if you want to talk.. (((((((hugs))))))))


    Ronda

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  • Berkshire Road
    ICN Member

  • Berkshire Road
    replied
    Oh, Tracey, you have been putting up with so much for so long. Maybe he'll come to his senses when he sees that you're not kidding. Maybe things will be easier around the house when FIL is gone. Maybe... I am hoping so hard for you, just for things to get better for you one way or the other. I don't know if you're better off with him or without him at this point, only you can make that decision. But I am here to support you, and feel free to PM me any time.

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  • GriffsMommy
    ICN Member

  • GriffsMommy
    replied
    Oh my gosh Tracey, I'm so sorry. It sounds like you just have a horrible time all around at home, with hubby, with the kids, with your FIL. Sooner or later you were bound to crack. I don't know if I could deal with these medical problems if my husband was not supportive.
    I'm feeling really really horrible today, on father's day of course but he came up when he found out I was up stairs laying down and tried to rub my back and my belly to make me feel better.
    I wish there was something else I could say, if you need someone to talk to I'm on and off most of the day.

    Leave a comment:

  • MakinIT
    ICN Member

  • MakinIT
    started a topic The "D" word

    The "D" word

    Well...It has happened...I finally snapped. I am so damn sick and tired of being lonely, treated disrespectfully by my children, ignored by my husband (or yelled at for spending TEN dollars to have a kid mow our lawn, as a favor for him), I told him him I had no place in his life, I was now always on the outside looking in, and I wanted a divorce. I also emphasized that I still loved him, but he doesn't reciprocate the feeling and so I am left with a constant sick feeling in my belly (You know that feeling you used to get in high school when you and your boyfriend/girlfriend broke up....? That's how I constantly feel.)

    He has had a very tough year teaching. But he always has. He takes on more than he can possibily tackle, and because he is such a perfectionist, if it doesn't turn out right he takes it out on me. Not physically, but emotionally. Do you know what it's like to sit next to your husband on the couch and have him scoot as far away as he can get to avoid touching you? Or, when you are really hurting and your youngest (11 year old) who happens to be borderline oppositionally defiant (and has zero respect for me) and she is arguing with him or me, and he just picks up his stuff and splits? Bull****. My oldest is so into herself, as most kids at 17 are, that she breaks a fingernail and her day is ruined and her stress is so much higher than mine. On top of all this, I'm supposed to make sure dinner is on the table by 6:00 (I agreed to handle that, after all, I am home) But half the time no one is home and bothers to tell me. This past week I've stopped making dinner and my husband is ****** but I tell him...communicate...everyone needs to communicate w/me. I plan for 6. If you want to eat at 5 or 7 fine, just let me know.

    His father wound up in the hospital this week as well. This is the dad who hasn't bathed in 3 years? When they stripped him, he had pusy sores from a fall last year, on his shins (he's diabetic) He has never cleaned them or bandaged, ect....on his back, my husband saw a 4 inch mold patch. Still, Bill was in the hospital for a week and he wouldn't allow them to bathe him. He found out we refused to bring him home, and he relented on the bath, learned to give himself insulin (he was bending the needles until he found out roger said we refused to do it for him), So...he's home temporarily...30 days with OT, PT and a med aide to give him a bath 2 times a week. A nurse weekly to check him. He still doesn't know he goes to a permanent residence in a month. We've tried for 8 years. Can't do it anylonger. At least my husband did say, when they said "your wife is home, why can't she do this" He just stared at them and said "she is sick herself, my father will expect her to be his houseservant, and she needs rest....THIS is not what she will do for the next 10 years of her life, especially since she's trying to figure out something vocationally she can do." (I hear THIS through the brother) OH...he was in the hospital because his kidneys were failing, he was having myoclonic seizures in his muscles (too much of some meds) and he was way dehydrated. He only drinks coffee and diet pop. he refuses water, but he drinks it now.

    Anyway..had to sound off. Very difficult for me to speak aloud. No one to talk to without family to hear. I don't know what will happen now that I've thrown the D word out there. he just told me my timing was impeccable with all the **** in his life. I just responded...Is there ever a good time?

    Anyway...gotta go...happy dad's day...

    T
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