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  • MakinIT
    replied
    I usually do but if I take them, I'm not driving any time soon. : ) I hate withdrawals...I've had 'em.

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  • Ginny
    replied
    OK. My turn to knock some sense into you. Don't go anywhere without taking your pain meds. What if your car broke down or someone ended up in the hospital. You would have withdrawl symptoms if you went too long. Carry them with you where ever you go.

    Hope things get better.

    Ginny

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  • MakinIT
    replied
    Keep plugging along

    Well...on Saturday my husband took a 1/2 day from his overwhelming schedule to take me and the older daughter to see the traveling version of Stomp. (I'm fine with the older daughter going, she's 17...knows there are issues and needs to see us happy or at least trying) So we went and Roger made a point of holding my hand and walking slow for me (for 20 years I've always had to jog to keep up with him....I can't jog anymore) The show was fun, then the three of us went to dinner. The show started an hour later than he thought, so I didn't have my pm meds, I was in pain and irritable after the show and somewhat snippy and I could see him tense up so I apologized and just explained I was hurting and needed to take some meds that I had in my purse (lie...he would have ended the evening and taken us home if he knew I had no pain medication) So we went to an offbeat Mexican food place and he and I share a very good shark? steak with steamed and spiced squashes and rice, daughter got a typical mexi meal. I only had about 2 bites, that's why we shared because we've learned from the past it matters not how hungry I am, I stillcan't eat.(Yet, I've gained 25 pounds in the last 3 years couldn't be the Ben and Jerry's phish food, eh?) seriously, I don't eat, but yet..I get fat.
    I was holding the car seat to absorb the bumps on the trip home and raced for my meds, took a dose of oxy to start the relief faster...about an hour after this, my eldest daughter has her good friend over and she asks me to come into her room. Well...her friend I've known since she was 12...I also know her friend was abused by her dad. her friend is having problems with male relationships. to make a long story short, she did something she shouldn't have and she needed the 72 hour pill. She looks like she's 15 but is about 4 months from 18 and have to be 18 to get it. Plus she had no money. The only 24 hour pharmacy was thankfully 3 blocks from our home. I have never driven under those conditions and will never, ever, ever again. I felt normal until I backed out and started to drive. Of course neither girl even had a LEARNERS PERMIT!!!!! Mine is lazy and is worried she will have to take her little sister places if she has a license. Chance are, my daughter's friend wasn't in any danger b/c her period had just ended, but...Geez...why do these men do these things to their daughters? she is constantly searching for male approval....kinda like me...my dad constantly berated and treated me like crap, so what do I do...I marry someone like my dad...why do so many of us do it? I know there are women out there smart enough not to but how does this happen....? I didn't know whether to take Jessi and hold her the other night or knock some sense into her.I wound up doing the first but telling her the second.

    Anyway...I gotta nap...miss you all...I have been busy, oddly enough.

    Tracey

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  • MakinIT
    replied
    Thanks

    Sorry I haven't read the past few posts...it hasn't shown up on my user CP as new messages..Well things around here have been nutz. I sent him a couple very confused and frustrated emails that, in sum, said..***? and that I was tired of being played the fool...Of course, I get the "timing is great" lecture but when isn't it? But I told him I loved him, (for some unknown damn reason) BUT I also know I'm very, very sensitive to his BS because my upbring sucked however thus is like msny people...too hard to blame but the endresult is I'm always trying to please...please my kids, please my parents (all my life) my friends, and my husband. Problem with my husband...I can't figure out what he needs. I mean...sure..when he's an ass, leave him alone. But I can't do that for two weeks, especially when he's so friendly to everybody ****ing else...so what a person to think?

    Anyway...No mention of the anniversary....My eldest and I had a very long talk about our family, she got emotional and I sent her an email that said, to the effect..."every familiy has skeletons..usually in the closet, but our skeletons prefer to dance in the middle of the room because we are all so emotional." I told her we were a loving family, we a loved each other on a personal basis but have difficulty functioning as a group. Her dad told her he had a surprise for her on Saturday, and now he's taking me as well...Some sortof a surprise.

    I'm not buying it. I'm still annoyed.He did telll his brother to stay home tonight.

    On the positive note, other than peeing every 20 seconds, I'm not hurting as bad.

    OH...I got F.I.L. to take a shower. I told Him he couldn't go to the store until he took one. Works for me. I told him he has to shower at least twice a week.

    T

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  • ICNDonna
    replied
    I'm glad you're seeing a professional counselor. Hopefully that will help you to work your way into a better way of living.

    Warm hugs,
    Donna

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  • SandyRN
    replied
    It's really terrible that your husband won't back you up with the kids....and him convincing them that your moods are because of your meds is reprehensible!!!!!!! One thing my ex and I have ALWAYS done is back the other up when it comes to discipline. What kind of message does that send to your children?? You're not worthy of their respect because you are sick and have to take meds to cater to THEIR needs?!?!?!? What you say doesn't matter because no matter what Daddy will give in and give them what they want? Does he not realize what kind of selfish adults he is raising? Its REALLY not in their best interest to give them everything they want, especially when they don't do what's expected of them around the house....and treating you so badly...well, I don't know. I don't hit my kids, I never have, but if my daughter ever talked to me the way yours does she might just get a smack or two. I don't think I could handle it.

    I'm pmsing today, and this thread hit me really hard. It angers me so much when a spouse doesn't support the other.....I'm just so sorry you're going through all of this with nobody to turn to for help. I know you must feel humiliated and embarassed by the hateful things he does to you, like moving away from you on the couch.

    Whatever decision you pick, know that we're all here to support you, and never forget that you deserve respect, from EVERYONE in your family.

    Hugs, Sandy

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  • kuntrygurl78
    replied
    Sounds like you are going thru a rough patch. I just wanted to send you a hug.

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  • humpieumpumkin
    replied
    I am very sorry about this. Suffering alone is the worst. You are in my thoughts and prayers,

    Erika

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  • MakinIT
    replied
    L.O.L. yeah...but you know...sometimes I feel like a bad country song. Pretty soon my dog's gonna get run over and my porch will collapse...Oh wait..that happened last summer. I just wish I had more fun things going on to write about. My IC has been as horrid as ever, in the past month, and the past 5 days exceptionally so. by 2 oclock I just want to curl up with my heating pad...and I do sometimes, other times duty calls so I pop 15 mgs of Oxy and 10 of valium so I can resume my duties. I just don't drive. That's a big stress on my husband. Odd. he doesn't care if I drive myself but he won't let me drive the kids past anywhere in the neighborhood. but he tells me if I choose to put my life on the line so be it. I often don't have a choice B/C I have to go to get my meds...Class 2....so its a personal visit. I've had to pull off on the road and sleep on a 20 minute drive. It's so stupid. I don't expect that he can take time off work every time I have to go...

    Anyway...it is very quiet now. They are all watching "apacalypto" which I already have downloaded to my Ipod...great to watch when the brain's struggling to keep awake (uh, not in the car though, while driving..ha, ha, ha) I do, however, use a cell phone and call someone to talk to me. I don't think that's unsafe, in fact..it is safer to keep my awake.

    Well, I've actuallylooked in the paper for 1 bedroom apts. of course, kids don't know this, and Roger doesn't realize either. They are spendy.I just hope the ticket to work program can maybe help me get trained to worked in Xray technology, and learn to do more than that.(CT, Ultra sound, PET...eventually Nuclear technology...It sounds fascinating and oddly enough, I still remember so much anatomy. I can list the muscles and nerves, some bones and innervations of muscles..."sigh"...I so lack the confindence because of the PAIN and the narcolepsy.

    night night..very sleepy.

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  • Berkshire Road
    replied
    Tracey, you're not boring anyone. We care. Vent all you want, honey.

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  • MakinIT
    replied
    Oh Babs...thanx, that's sweet...my BF (BF in my teen's term = best friend..I've picked that up, it used to mean boyfriend) in Tampa (Clearwater) would be so nose outta jointed....She actually has been with me since my relationship with Roger began and she always hated Roger. ANND she had all his traits nailed down....
    Last edited by MakinIT; 06-18-2007, 10:07 AM. Reason: addition

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  • MakinIT
    replied
    Thanx for all the positive messages...We just went to dinner for Father's Day, My youngest is very upset right now b/c she called her dad at blockbuster to ask if a friend could stay the night tomorrow and he told her no. She flipped and asked why and he said there were many issues they needed to discuss, including how to be respectful and how to use a cell phone properly. (I saw her face turn white)

    So we went to dinner and absolutely nothing looked good. It was a good restaurant, but I'm just not hungry...too much stress in my life. We actually had a decent meal, the 6 of us (including his dad and his youngest brother, the leech) I like Geoff but he is just one more piece of stress b/c he doesn't have a job and Roger is paying his rent. AND HE NEVER TOLD ME AND HAS THE FRICKIN NERVE to tell me I can't handle finances. I'm so angry I can cry. But I've just cried too much.

    Good thing I see my shrink tomorrow but I don't know where to start with this, it is so messed up. Being objective as they are he will give me his usual rundown...want to know everything that everyone has done, I have done and what I will do to change things...In the past, It has always been "confront" in a careful way, bring up my problems head on with him that has been successful. But it's gone too far...

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  • Briza
    replied
    I'm sorry things are so awful. You must be extremely stressed. Many prayers that some relief and happiness will come your way soon.

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  • Babs RN
    replied
    Tracey,
    You know where I am--please call if you need too. Take care of you. If you need to take a Florida vacation you can do that too.

    Love,
    Barb

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  • dancemomof2
    replied

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