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Tips for Healthy Relationships

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  • Amonty72
    replied
    Re: Tips for Healthy Relationships

    Originally posted by cosmiceye View Post
    Thank you for your post.

    I am very happy within my relationship, main points which are useful:
    • Mood management - if in the midst of a flare up, let your partner know so they are aware. If it is horrible, it may be a good idea to spend time alone if irritable. It is not okay to spread negativity to your loved ones.
    • Communication - with any relationship this is important, but specifically if one partner is dealing with physical disease. Helping your partner to understand what your pain feels like, and how you will deal with flare ups.
    • Care - Let your partner know what would help during a flare up, little things that would assist. Do sweet things for them in return. Remember, your relationship does not revolve around IC and it is about you and the individual. Do not let IC take it over.
    Great information in original post!! Thanks for sharing. This last bit of info is inspiring. I'm trying to learn everything I can to know how to support my girlfriend when she is not feeling well. It's when she's feeling good that I try to focus her attention on. She's beautiful, has a great smile and laugh. She's full of life and she just lights up my world. I can't imagine being in a relationship with anyone else. I feel like the luckiest guy in the world because of her. I remind her on several occasions that she is not alone. I will be with her every step of the way.

    Leave a comment:


  • cosmiceye
    replied
    Thank you for your post.

    I am very happy within my relationship, main points which are useful:
    • Mood management - if in the midst of a flare up, let your partner know so they are aware. If it is horrible, it may be a good idea to spend time alone if irritable. It is not okay to spread negativity to your loved ones.
    • Communication - with any relationship this is important, but specifically if one partner is dealing with physical disease. Helping your partner to understand what your pain feels like, and how you will deal with flare ups.
    • Care - Let your partner know what would help during a flare up, little things that would assist. Do sweet things for them in return. Remember, your relationship does not revolve around IC and it is about you and the individual. Do not let IC take it over.

    Leave a comment:


  • TiffanyC88
    replied
    Carolina,
    Thanks for the advice, and I did try to talk to him, but he exploded on me...oh well guess time will tell

    Leave a comment:


  • CarolinaGal
    replied
    Tiffany,

    My husband has IC and I can tell you it's been one emotional roller coaster for me!!

    Loving someone with IC is hard. It's emotionally and physically draining.

    My husband's sex drive went from over-active to almost non-existent and that was a blow to my self-esteem. I kept telling myself, "he's not attracted to me anymore or he would still want to be intimate with me" and "there's no pain great enough to prevent a man from wanting to have sex with his wife" and "there's someone else, I'm not enough anymore" and blah, blah, blah. You get the picture, right?

    Very, very bad things to put into my head; not to mention very selfish thoughts.

    The best thing you can do is think positively. I know it's easier said than done, but it will help. Instead of telling yourself, "he doesn't want to be intimate because there's someone else" ask him why he doesn't want to be initimate. I know that I sometimes pull away from my husband because I don't want to hurt him. I was afraid to cuddle with him for fear of putting pressure somewhere that would hurt him. I tried not to touch him or kiss because I didn't want him to get "excited" (if you get what I'm saying) and feel like we had to have sex even despite the pain he was in.

    When my husband sat down and told me he felt as though I didn't love him anymore I asked him what I could do to make him not feel that way and at the same time not make him feel pressured into being intimate. He told me to just be myself and he'll tell me when he's hurting. Communication and positive thinking is definitely the key for us.

    I suggest talking to your fiance. Relationships in general are a lot of work, but they're even more work when one party has IC.

    I hope things get better for you!

    Leave a comment:


  • TiffanyC88
    replied
    Cheating

    I know its probably horrible, but I'm always worried my Fiance is cheating on me, because of my IC I'm afraid to and don't want to have sex. And he started acting odd about a month after my diagnosis. I'm wondering if I'm just being paranoid or if I should look into it...I'm sick of stressing over it because it makes my flare ups worse, but at the same time he is my life and I don't know what I would do. Also, I have tried asking him about it and instead of talking to me about it he gets mad and accuses me of not trusting him at all and such. Which I can kinda see his point on the not trusting, but I know that before I was diagnosed and we couldn't have sex because I was hurting, he would get mad at me "for not wanting to be with him" and now its like he doesn't even care. He doesn't try to kiss me or hold me or anything anymore and I think that is where the basis of my insecurity is coming from....please anyone with helpful advice talk to me.....

    ~heartbroken~
    Tiffany

    Leave a comment:


  • Natalie41
    replied
    Very good advice. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and ideas.

    Leave a comment:


  • GriffsMommy
    replied
    I agree, I think it is so sad that IC can hurt relationships. I feel that me being sick has made my marriage even stronger. My husband is very caring and always worried about how I feel. I am a very lucky woman and just wish everyone else had the same.

    Leave a comment:


  • Julie B
    replied
    Thank you...one of the things that makes me so sad is to hear about all of the problems people have in their most cherished relationships when they are already suffering with a physical disease. I mostly wanted to post the information about abuse, but felt it was important to balance it with something positive.

    Gentle hugs......

    Leave a comment:


  • GriffsMommy
    replied
    What a great post Julie! Dealing with IC can be hard on a relationship. I know my husband gets frustrated with my limitations sometimes but we always talk about everything. A friend once asked how we have such a good relationship when I'm so sick all the time. Hubby answered because we're in this together and it has to be us against the world not us against each other.

    Leave a comment:


  • Julie B
    started a topic Tips for Healthy Relationships

    Tips for Healthy Relationships

    The following tips for a healthy relationship have been adapted from Joyce Woodward’s Healthy Relationship pamphlet.

    1. Be Yourself: It is easier and more fun to be you than to pretend to be something or someone else. Healthy relationships are made of real people rather than images. Others should accept you the way you are and not try and change or control you.

    2. Keep Expectations Realistic: No one can be everything we want them to be. Sometimes we feel disappointed. It’s not all or nothing. Healthy relationships mean accepting people as they are, not trying to change them.

    3. Talk With Each Other: Communication is very important to any relationship. Effective communication includes:
    • Taking time
    • Genuinely listening (listening with your ears and your heart)
    • Asking questions
    • Sharing information
    • Being honest
    • Being open minded

    4. Be Flexible: Most of us try to keep people and things the way we like them. It’s OK to feel sad, angry or worry when people or things change and we’re not ready for it. Healthy relationships, however, mean that change is OK.

    5. Be Respectful: Show respect for each other by respecting each other’s differences and valuing each other’s opinions.

    6. Take Care of You: We all want to make others happy. But it’s important to make yourself happy! Healthy relationships involve shared responsibility. Partners encourage each other in their pursuit of their own interests and desires.

    7. Be Dependable: If you make plans with someone, follow through. If you take on a responsibility, it is important to complete it. Healthy relationships are trustworthy.

    8. Build Trust: It is important that each individual of the relationship trusts and believes in each other. How can trust be achieved?
    • Keep one’s word
    • Be accountable for one’s actions and words
    • Be open
    • Manage when things don’t go your way
    • Assume the best about your partner


    9. Keep Your Life Balanced: People help make our lives satisfying but they can not create that satisfaction for us. They are unable to complete us!

    10. It Takes Time: Sometimes it appears like everyone feels confident and connected. Healthy relationships can be learned and practiced.
    Last edited by Julie B; 02-21-2008, 08:41 PM.
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