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  • How IC changed your relationships?

    How has IC affected your relationships with your significant other?

    I'm having trouble having my boyfriend who I live with, understand all this.
    He used to be able to pick me up, tickle me, and horse around. Now I can't handle that in fear ill pee myself! He keeps forgetting that. I know he can never understand what I'm going through, I don't expect it. But I wish there was a way to make him fully understand.

    I'm scared my relationship is suffering because I'm always in bad shape. We used to go out every weekend, ride his motorcycle, shop, etc. Now he stays in with me which I know is affecting him.
    I'm starting to feel that maybe I should leave him so that he can have a normal relationship. We love each other dearly, but I want him to be happy and I feel like I'm holding him back

    Luckily, our sex life is good. Hasn't changed much since this started, we just can't do certain positions anymore and I usually need to take a hot bath beforehand.

    Do any of you feel like this? Like you're a burden? How have you kept your relationships solid?

    Thanks

  • #2
    I worry that I am a burden, and also that he would have an easier and more fulfilling life with someone else. A girl who can go out on a whim, go to any restaurant, had the energy to do adventurous things, didn't have to lay down or rest a lot, didn't have so many restrictions with sex, could cook meals to share that had spice and acidity, had more libido, didn't have indefinitely long medical costs, could plan on advancing a career, was in a better and more optimistic mood consistently, able to take on more stressful challenges (like travel, including travel without close tie to hotels, extended travel, road trips, being able to afford travel) ... the list is long. I've asked him about it - and he says that he wants to be with me more than anyone in spite of these things. He is very supportive - takes days off work to come with me to my appointments, and receptively listens to me talk about how I feel and the details of IC. One reason I think it holds together is that although I was a really active and more adventurous person prior to all this, he has always been more of a home-body, not into hiking, traveling, going out for dinner and drinks, etc.. The sex issue is the biggest one - it causes frustration for me because I feel he wants sex most of the time and I always have to say "no" because I'm in too much pain, or don't want to push an irritated situation into a full on flare. I worry that he doesn't realize what he's missing in that regard ... he was a virgin before me, and I have been in relationships where there weren't so many restrictions, and know that it improved the relationship and day to day experience of life a lot. I worry that he will fantasize about other women who can just be more easy going about life, and everything ... Having chronic pain and the ball and chain of IC has changed my personality .. I'm just different now. My friends say this is the case, and I see it. Everyone is supportive, and day to day I feel OK a lot of the time (other than tired), but I know I'm living a worse life, and that I'm already doing everything I can to make it better in some sense (except trying a few medications), so I feel like I'm waiting for medical advances. I don't just want to suppress the symptoms, I long for the feeling of freedom that I lost with IC, freedom in terms of food, sex, physical activity, drinks, medication, sleep ... As much as the average person complains about "life" ... I truly miss it ... and I worry that my bladder/pelvic floor issues are causing someone else to miss out in a way too.
    Conditions:
    Suspected IC
    Diagnosed with PFD Jan 2012, Major Bladder Infection Aug 2011
    SI joint dysfunction and piriformis syndrome since Aug 2008


    Symptoms:
    Pain: my only real symptom.
    Frequency: <5x a day, has never really been more, except with certain foods.
    Urgency: Feel uncomfortable pressure sometimes. No nocturia.


    Current Treatments:
    Semi-Strict IC diet, Lorazepam oral + Valium cream as needed, Pelvic Floor Physio weekly, Magnesium 500mg/day. Massage and relaxation.

    Past treatments: Codeine (GI side effects seemed to exacerbate symptoms), Zoloft and Pristique (Too many side effects)

    Very grateful for this forum!

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by Emily3wst View Post
      I worry that I am a burden, and also that he would have an easier and more fulfilling life with someone else. A girl who can go out on a whim, go to any restaurant, had the energy to do adventurous things, didn't have to lay down or rest a lot, didn't have so many restrictions with sex, could cook meals to share that had spice and acidity, had more libido, didn't have indefinitely long medical costs, could plan on advancing a career, was in a better and more optimistic mood consistently, able to take on more stressful challenges (like travel, including travel without close tie to hotels, extended travel, road trips, being able to afford travel) ... the list is long. I've asked him about it - and he says that he wants to be with me more than anyone in spite of these things. He is very supportive - takes days off work to come with me to my appointments, and receptively listens to me talk about how I feel and the details of IC. One reason I think it holds together is that although I was a really active and more adventurous person prior to all this, he has always been more of a home-body, not into hiking, traveling, going out for dinner and drinks, etc.. The sex issue is the biggest one - it causes frustration for me because I feel he wants sex most of the time and I always have to say "no" because I'm in too much pain, or don't want to push an irritated situation into a full on flare. I worry that he doesn't realize what he's missing in that regard ... he was a virgin before me, and I have been in relationships where there weren't so many restrictions, and know that it improved the relationship and day to day experience of life a lot. I worry that he will fantasize about other women who can just be more easy going about life, and everything ... Having chronic pain and the ball and chain of IC has changed my personality .. I'm just different now. My friends say this is the case, and I see it. Everyone is supportive, and day to day I feel OK a lot of the time (other than tired), but I know I'm living a worse life, and that I'm already doing everything I can to make it better in some sense (except trying a few medications), so I feel like I'm waiting for medical advances. I don't just want to suppress the symptoms, I long for the feeling of freedom that I lost with IC, freedom in terms of food, sex, physical activity, drinks, medication, sleep ... As much as the average person complains about "life" ... I truly miss it ... and I worry that my bladder/pelvic floor issues are causing someone else to miss out in a way too.
      I'm sorry you feel the same way I do It's a horrible feeling. My relationship with my boyfriend is really suffering. He keeps saying that he can't wait till i get better so we can be happy again. I'm just always irritable. I'm glad you have a supportive person in your relationship. I hope we get better and go back to our normal lives instead of planning our days around a stupid toilet.

      Comment


      • #4
        Sorry to hear your relationship is suffering. When I started coming to this site I was comforted to find many women saying that they have had success in long term romantic relationships, given the situation, but I didn't think it would be possible for me until I understood how committed and dedicated my boyfriend is, and saw that he stuck by me through rough patches as he said he would. I think when you find your match, you find your match, and it really is "through thick and thin" because your life is better with them even when life is hard for one of you. My boyfriend and I both think it could be many years if ever before things can return to normal, but we are finding ways to be happy in the meantime, and improving our lives in the ways that are possible. Thank you for sharing your story It's something me and my boyfriend have discussed a lot because of my worry. I think he is my "match" but I still feel doubt sometimes when things get hard and I feel like a burden, or when stuff happens like I have to cancel last min on a work event he wanted me to come with him for, and he goes alone and interacts with other happy couples, or when other people are doing things I know he wishes he could be doing. He recently told me that he fantasizes about me getting better, not about being with someone else who doesn't have issues, because he wants to be with me. That helped.

        It makes sense that we are irritable. I just ordered a DVD from amazon of a yoga practice that my massage therapist recommended. It focuses on relaxation, healing, alignment, managing stress, etc. I am hoping it will help me improve my mood. I used to be in a good mood most of the time, and I need to learn how to cope with this better emotionally. I hope it helps, because I can't afford therapy right now.

        Yes, I hope we get to go back too! Who knew that life could be so oriented around drops of urine coming from the kidneys to be stored in the bladder! lol.
        Conditions:
        Suspected IC
        Diagnosed with PFD Jan 2012, Major Bladder Infection Aug 2011
        SI joint dysfunction and piriformis syndrome since Aug 2008


        Symptoms:
        Pain: my only real symptom.
        Frequency: <5x a day, has never really been more, except with certain foods.
        Urgency: Feel uncomfortable pressure sometimes. No nocturia.


        Current Treatments:
        Semi-Strict IC diet, Lorazepam oral + Valium cream as needed, Pelvic Floor Physio weekly, Magnesium 500mg/day. Massage and relaxation.

        Past treatments: Codeine (GI side effects seemed to exacerbate symptoms), Zoloft and Pristique (Too many side effects)

        Very grateful for this forum!

        Comment

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