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Affecting relationship - money and sex....anyone else feel isolated from husband?

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  • Affecting relationship - money and sex....anyone else feel isolated from husband?

    After over 5 months of urinary problems, it has finally taken its toll on my relationship. At the moment I get the silent treatment, quips about not having sex or working to bring in some money and my self-esteem has gone down, and I feel useless sometimes - useless to him. There is the feeling of pressure about when I think I can have sex and I know this will come up at the weekend again, but I am due to have the cystoscopy on Tuesday. I thought about giving in and having sex before Tuesday, but it's only five days away and am worried that I may cause a flare or cause discomfort before the cystoscopy. If I don't do it, then we will have to wait until some time after the procedure. This has unfortunately become a major issue as well as my not working. Sometimes I feel I am being punished for this, feel isolated, cannot cry in front of him, and open out because he's had enough of it. we sit on separate sofas and last night he invited me over the put his hand around me and we had a nice evening and day. However, he mumbled something about sex at the weekend, and now I am wondering if he's being nice to me just because of that. It's a really hurtful time, apart from the worry about Tuesday's tests. I just wondered if anyone else had experienced similar and how they handled it... Sus.

  • #2
    Re: Affecting relationship - money and sex....anyone else feel isolated from husband?

    Men are so different...they NEED to have sex. It's just the way they're designed. I simply cannot have sex if I'm flaring, so if it's a two month flare, that's two months without sex. He doesn't like it, but he's pretty understanding. We do other things to satisfy his needs (don't want to be graphic here, lol). IC can certainly put a strain on a marriage, that's for sure. Make sure you communicate with him and tell him how you're feeling. Maybe he doesn't realize how hurt you feel.
    Jane
    Diagnosed 1/7/14 via cysto/hydro

    Current Treatment:
    10 mg amitriptyline, DH Aloe Vera

    Used During Flares:
    Uribel, extra DH Aloe Vera, Klonopin and Tramadol (as needed)

    Practicing bladder training and stress control (hot baths, pelvic stretching)
    Recently tried PT, do not appear to have PFD

    Things that have not helped in the past:
    Oxybutynin, Vesicare, Pyridium, Myrbetriq, Vagifem

    Also have migraines and IBS

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    • #3
      Re: Affecting relationship - money and sex....anyone else feel isolated from husband?

      I am pretty lucky because I have a very understanding husband. We just cannot have sex most of the time due to my IC pain as well as UTI risks. It is just not worth it. We do other things to be intimate. I agree, you need to be open with him and explain things to him. If he does not want to understand or is not willing to work with you on this, then he obviously does not care about you enough. Better to see the real him now than later. I am sorry you are dealing with all this. This disease just plain sucks!

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      • #4
        Re: Affecting relationship - money and sex....anyone else feel isolated from husband?

        Hi Sus,
        You poor thing it's so hard isn't it.! I know how you feel when he just can't listen or understand or take it anymore. I stopped talking about it to my husband a long time ago. He was so sick of hearing about my pain. He was so great in the beginning but that wore him down and it didn't help his depression. So I keep my whinging to a few select friends and my pain psychologist and you guys on here.
        As I read what you wrote about having sex prior to the cystoscopy , I thought it would be a great idea to do as you want to be in a flare etc so they can "see" what you're saying. I made a point of having sex the night before mine to see if anything showed up.
        I have had to cut down on the amount of sex because of this disease but we still have it regularly and I have a strict routine about it. For instance; a certain amount of days in between so I can "settle" inflammation, lots of lubrication, Antibiotics each time ( one tablet), D-mannose each day, Ice pack to bring down inflammation after, Peri bottle to was before and after, cortisone cream on red raw labia, and peeing straight after. Sounds like all too much, but I get such intimacy from the sex and I crave to have that closeness. In between days I satisfy him in other ways as Mytwoboys said. And I get satisfaction out of that. He feels bad that he isn't pleasuring me at the same time but as we know it's not always a "pleasure" for us when we are in pain is it girls??
        I think all men are very needy in that area but my husband is very caring and understanding.
        I can hear that this is really starting to destroy you and we can't let it. It's great that he wants to be close to you and still thinks you're so sexy and he wants you. Take the positives from his wanting you all the time, and if he has to wait longer than most make it awesome. I know at first all I could think about while having sex was what it was doing to my body and how bad it was going to be, but I let that go as I have faith in my routine and know it will get better. It would make it hard for me to orgasm cause I was so worried. I found that if I could orgasm the endorphins I got from that made my pain feel better!!!!! It was like a release.
        PS if he has to wait a couple of weeks in between imagine how "QUICK" it will be anyway :-) ;_0
        UTI 3/2015
        IC ,PFD
        prescribed meds: Endep 60mg, Elmiron 400mg, BC. Enablex 7.5mg.

        Supplements: Chitomur peptide, colostrum, Echinacea, liver detox swisse, calcium citrate, glucosamine, Psyllium Husk.

        Daily diet: Breakkie- oats with chia seeds and no fat milk. Post workout-turkey breast with mixed veggies. Lunch-raw green soup with rye roll and handful of peanuts/almonds. Dinner- changes but meat and veg. Dessert-banana and sugar free custard (homemade) or banana and apple bake with almonds cinnamon and honey with a dollop of coconut cream.


        Tried: tramadol, cystoprotek, multi right, diazepam, vesicare, Ditropan, mirabegron, Flomax, lyrica, progesterone.

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        • #5
          Re: Affecting relationship - money and sex....anyone else feel isolated from husband?

          My boyfriend didn't understand how much pain I was in. Someone on the COB forum said to described it 'like a red hot poker shoved up me', and that seemed to give him a better idea of why I didn't want sex. Maybe get him to read some of the posts that men with IC have written, to get it over to him from a guy's perspective.

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          • #6
            Re: Affecting relationship - money and sex....anyone else feel isolated from husband?

            Originally posted by angelfishzz View Post
            My boyfriend didn't understand how much pain I was in. Someone on the COB forum said to described it 'like a red hot poker shoved up me', and that seemed to give him a better idea of why I didn't want sex. Maybe get him to read some of the posts that men with IC have written, to get it over to him from a guy's perspective.
            Thank you all for your supportive replies - very helpful....he is starting to talk about it, but more talking needs to be done! Cystoscopy tomorrow ! Best wishes all xx

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            • #7
              Re: Affecting relationship - money and sex....anyone else feel isolated from husband?

              One thing we have to be cautious about is pushing people away when we don't feel good. At first I did a lot of that, but my poor husband didn't understand what he had done --- once I learned that I could talk to him, we actually became very close. Having a sex relationship can be a challenge and takes a lot of open communication and experimenting --- and lubrication --- but the good thing is that the challenge can actually bring on a closer relationship than some folks with no problems.

              Donna
              Stay safe


              Elmiron Eye Disease Information Center - https://www.ic-network.com/elmiron-p...mation-center/
              Elmiron Eye Disease Fact Sheet (Downloadable) - https://www.ic-network.com/wp-conten...nFactSheet.pdf

              Have you checked the ICN Shop?
              Click on ICN Shop at the top of this page. You'll find Bladder Builder and Bladder Rest, both of which we are finding have excellent results.

              Patient Help: http://www.ic-network.com/patientlinks.html

              Sub-types https://www.ic-network.com/five-pote...markably-well/

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              AUA Guidelines: https://www.ic-network.com/aua-guide...tial-cystitis/

              I am not a medical authority nor do I offer medical advice. In all cases, I strongly encourage you to discuss your medical treatment with your personal medical care provider. Only they can, and should, give medical recommendations to you.
              [3MG]

              Anyone who says something is foolproof hasn't met a determined fool

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