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How to get desire back?

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  • How to get desire back?

    Help!! In my brain sex has become linked with UTIs (even though I take an antibiotic post-coitally) and IC Flares. I'm pretty much in remission and am lucky to be able to eat or drink anything at the moment, but the last two times I've had sex I've flared afterwards. I know there are some things I can do to prevent that next time but to be completely honest, my desire has hit rock bottom. I truly don't care if I ever have sex again in my life. NOTHING puts me in the mood!

    My husband is incredibly understanding (bless him) but I hate to give up that part of my life when I know I could make it work.

    Any ideas on getting desire back?
    mom_in_ma

  • #2
    I wish I could offer you some advice, but I am in the same boat. I can at least sympathize! My boyfriend thinks he's on the IC diet AVOID list. He says I've given him up along with my morning coffee.
    I'm also in partial remission (if there is such a thing), but sex is still an obstacle. Even though I have my pre-,during-, and post-sex regimen that really helps prevent pain and flares, it's like my brain needs to be re-wired to make me want it.

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    • #3
      Sometimes just lots of cuddling without sex in mind will help. Talk it over with your husband and give it a try. Are you on any medications? Some of those will effect the desire.

      Donna
      Stay safe


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      I am not a medical authority nor do I offer medical advice. In all cases, I strongly encourage you to discuss your medical treatment with your personal medical care provider. Only they can, and should, give medical recommendations to you.
      [3MG]

      Anyone who says something is foolproof hasn't met a determined fool

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      • #4
        Yeah, I agree, it's hard to overcome that mental obstacle. I was so afraid it was going to hurt, that even after my first intial big flare was subsiding, I kept sex at arm's length! Especially when you anticipate it's going to cause problems in one form or another. I approached the activity with baby-steps, a little more activity at a time, you will have the intimacy with your sweetie, and you can relax your mind from worrying about the consequences you think might occur. And just move forward from that...

        You might want to discuss it with your doctor. I know it can be hard to do sometimes, but you never know what you might learn to help you get back into the swing of things. I had/have problems with my Paxil, it has impaired my ability to have an orgasm. ARGH!! As if sex isn't challenging enough! LOL But even though that was hard for me to say out loud to my doc, lol, we have decided to alter dosages, we added in Wellbutrin to help, and now I am weaning off of it, to be just on the Wellbutrin. But, if I hadn't spoke up, who knows how long I would have dealt witht that!

        Hope this helps a little bit anyway!!!

        Hugs!
        Hugs,
        Tracey
        How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time...

        Harry arrived 2/23/09!



        *IC Volunteers are not medical authorities nor do we offer medical advice. In all cases, we strongly encourage you to discuss your medical treatment with your personal medical care provider. Only they can, and should, give medical recommendations to you.

        IC Diet Cheat Sheet:
        http://www.ic-network.com/diet/2009icdietlist.pdf



        Dx's:
        IC dx'd Nov 2004
        Lymphocytic Colitis dx'd July 2005
        Possible IBS
        Current IC Meds
        Vistaril 25mg in the evening
        Previous IC Meds taken:
        Cystoprotek - 2 caps 2x's a day
        Elmiron, 100mg 3x's a day
        Ditropan, 5 mg 3x's a day
        Others:
        Wellbutrin 150mg 2x's a day for Anxiety/IBS
        Pepcid 40mg a day for GERD
        Zytrec for Nasal Allergies
        Align Probiotic daily for IBS

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        • #5
          Besides the physical things (experimenting with positions, foreplay, warm baths, etc)...

          Things that have helped me with the emotional aspect:
          communication with spouse and couples therapy
          things that helps me feel more attractive: lingerie, makeup, exercising, etc
          things that help me get emotionally aroused: romance novels, herotica books, fantasies, taking time to "get in the mood" hours or days in advance, etc.
          Melanie
          __

          Comment


          • #6
            Sometimes the more often you cuddle and are intimate (not necessarily intercourse), the more your desire will come back. Keep it low stress, relax, and on a regular schedule of intimate moments. Do not go too long between intimate moments because it can become a habit to just not try...kind of like when people procrastinate starting to excercise. It can be hard when you have no desire, but if you try anyhow it usually helps.

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            • #7
              Things to try for the emotional aspect

              MELANIE--
              Fabulous ideas. My husband & I tried a couple (herotica is a good thing and they are opening up the communication at least. For the first time in years we are sharing our likes & dislikes, hopes & dreams. We are actually talking a lot. I hope to work up to trying sex soon. Now I just have to conquer the paralyzing fear. Baby Steps! : Thank you so much!!!!
              Libby
              I am 30, married (7 years +), am a Mom of 3 boys & 1 girl (age 3, 4, 5, & 6). Business Owner

              Dx's
              IC 06/2005 (after 3 OB surgeries including a complete hysterectomy, though I am sure having 4 babies & 2 miscarriages in 7 years didn't help).
              Endo 1992
              Migraines 1990
              Asthma 1987

              IC Treatments Tried
              Diet Changed, 6 months Instillations, Elmiron, & finally INTERSTIM.

              INTERSTIM History
              08-29-05 Trial,
              09-13-05 Permanent
              10-25-05 Lead migrated, so it was replaced & anchored to sacrum

              Current Meds
              Pyridium prn
              Elmiron 100mg 2x's/day
              Oxycontin 40mg 2x's/day
              Percocet 10/325 for breakthrough pain
              Ambien 10mg for insomnia (rare if pain is controlled)
              Advair 250/50 2x's/day for Asthma
              Maxair prn Asthma attacks
              Imitrex injector prn Migraines

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              • #8
                Originally posted by Melanie View Post
                Besides the physical things (experimenting with positions, foreplay, warm baths, etc)...

                Things that have helped me with the emotional aspect:
                communication with spouse and couples therapy
                things that helps me feel more attractive:
                discount lingerie, makeup, exercising, etc
                things that help me get emotionally aroused: romance novels, herotica books, fantasies, taking time to "get in the mood" hours or days in advance, etc.
                Very informative thread. We need to define certain things in our life which gives us pleasure or irritates us. My pets and wife are cause of pleasure but my boss irritates
                Last edited by ClaytonAdams; 05-13-2013, 05:47 PM.

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