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husband afraid of sex?

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  • husband afraid of sex?

    Hi All,

    I have a question. My husband and I have been together 18 years now. Sex has always been a bit of a struggle - we both enjoy it but our libido's are different!
    I'm a once a week gal and he's a every day guy. Since I've had this IC crud sex has become quite awkward. He has gotten quite afraid to have sex with me as I always feel worse afterwards. This moring he turned me down saying he didn't want to watch me suffer for 4 days to come!
    I don't really know how to deal with this
    as it is true - it does seem to make me feel worse for several days, but when the urge hits and I'm not feeling too bad I feel we should take advantage of it? any thoughts on this? I know this aspect to life is VERY important to him. It makes me very sad to think we'll never be together again. I'm already struggling so much with the getting old thing and having gained weight. I just feel like my life is over now! (I know this isn't true but it's how I feel!)



  • #2
    i normally don't post on this subject but today i felt that i should.
    me and my husband will be married 13 years this sept. my husband and I have been always diff on the subject he has always been a everyday type of person me once a week but now its gotten to where i'm lucky to get it once a mth. He also feels i'm worse and sometimes he is right for about a week after we make love.
    I know how you feel your not in the boat alone.
    sending you hugs and prayers I do hope things get better for the both of us.
    Medicine taken daily or as needed:
    1. Heaprin and Marcaine rescue installment 1 to 3x daily as needed.
    2. MS.Cotin 100mg 3x daily
    3. MSIR 30mg 1 or 2 every 4-6hrs as needed for breakthrew pain.
    4. Fentanyl 100 mg Change every 48hrs.
    5. Gentamicin 80mg install after each rescue treatment
    5 Leviquin 500mg self start as needed.
    6. Klonopin 1 or 2 daily as needed.
    7. Prosed/DS as 1 every 6hrs as needed.

    I have IC, but IC doesn't have me anymore!


    • #3
      We'll be married 25 years this August. That's means we've had many times? .. .oh, never mind.. . My husband has been much more gentle. I tell him, I don't know if it's going to hurt, so he's careful.. We're "once a weekenders", at the most. It wasn't until recently that I noticed my symptoms got worse on Sundays and Mondays, then I finally figured out why.

      My husband feels bad when I complain, so I've been making an effort not to, especially the days following intercourse.


      • #4
        husband afraid


        Thank you so much for responding to my post. Its a difficult subject to talk about I know but it impacts marriage so much.
        My husband is funny about sex in that he wants me to enjoy it too. He's not really a quickie guy if you get my drift. I think that is why he is putting me off, he feels guilty that he is having his fun at my expense. I wish I could make him see it just makes me feel worse when he acts the way he does. But I don't know how to communicate this to him. He just doesn't want me to hurt. I don't think he really understands about the IC. It is a very difficult situation. h

        Thank you for your thoughts. It helps some just to talk about it.



        • #5
          My husband has been afraid to hurt me ....and has said no because of it.

          I think communication is the key in this area....sounds like you too are close enough that talking this out is an option and I think it may be the best one.

          I hope you can workthings out.

          Best Wishes
          Faith, Hope, and Love,

          I believe God is using me. He uses me for God. Things I gain from all my suffering are meant to help others. I hope I can help you too. Email me or start a chat if you like my help or anything. I CARE!Illnesses: IC,IBS, IBD, GERD, PFD, Epilepsy, Endo, Allergies, RLM,Rapid heart beat, low blood pressure,Gastritis,Gall stones,Tendonitis,migraines, Shingles, Prolapsed pouch,ext. fatigue (current problem) I have seen periods of remission and I have seen them end and return. At this time remission is over and working on getting it back!

          IC Volunteers are not medical authorities nor do we offer medical advice. In all cases, we strongly encourage you to discuss your medical treatment with your personal medical care provider. Only they can, and should, give medical recommendations to you.
          or find me on facebook
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          [email protected] please contact me...I am here to help!


          • #6
            i so know exactly how you are feeling i have been married for 2 1/2 years and sex has been very sparce. i don't know if you have seen some of my other replys but i have tried something new that has helped. i started taking that bladder Q and i'm telling you i do not have pain anymore w/ inercoarse. i would look at the web site and research it. i order it off the" better life" web site. it is sorta expensive but it is well woth the money for me. i can't even tell you how i feel 99% better. please feel free to ask me any questions. i ope this helps you like it has helped me. ever since i got on this natural herb i have gotten off some of my other meds and i'm doing great! best of luck lori


            • #7
              You are not the only one - I've read quite a few posts about it. And how can you blame them? Whose husband would want to cause his wife pain? My husband really wants me to feel good and worries about hurting me, or making me uncomfortable.

              The most important thing is communication. I know you might want to not say anything when you are hurting but then he won't know when it doesn't hurt and will always be suspicious that you are hurting. I'd suggest trying to be honest without making it a big deal so that when you say it doesn't (and this time will come, I'm sure) he knows you mean it. Talk about how it feels, what he can do differently to make it more comfortable and make you feel good (this is a biggie!), etc.

              Have you tried some of the suggestions on this board for making sex more comfortable - there is stuff to do before, during, and after to help prevent flares and make it more comfortable if you do flare.

              Good luck!
              Pikkumyy - special ed teacher, wife, wild animal rehabber, and PFD patient since the horrible kidney infection of 2000. In remission since 9/04