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Pleaseofferyour advice

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  • Pleaseofferyour advice

    Hello and thank you for allowing me to join this forum.
    I am male; and my fiance has interstitial cystitis. She was diagnosed a few years ago; and has had difficulties with it throughout our relationship. It does seem to be worse after sex with flares lasting sometimes 2 weeks or more. She was managing the pain with the use of hydrocodone; and she became dependent and then addicted to the pain killers. She is a wonderful woman with a servant's heart; and now the love of my life is in drug rehab because of this terrible condition that nobody can find a cure for.
    She doesn't want to take the pain killers anymore; but she will be prescribed them after she completes the rehab. I don't want her to have to take them either; but I certainly don't want to give up the best sex I have ever imagined. She told me tonight that she is afraid of attempting sex with me when she gets home because she is petrified of it causing an IC flare. I really don't blame her because I have seen her in terrible pain from the flares. However, it hurt me terribly to know that the woman I have committed my life to is scared to have sex. It goes without saying that our sex life is going to suffer without the narcotics; but she is already an addict because of IC.
    I would absolutely be indebted forever if some of you could share things that prevent IC flares from sex. Things like positions, brands of lubricant, urinating before/after, medications......anything that has helped for you. We have tried some things; and it seems like it is unpredictable whether anything works routinely.
    Also, I read someone's post about sexual creativity; and I was curious if any of you could give us ideas on ways to give each other physical pleasure WITHOUT causing a flare. She has no problem pleasing me; and she is orgasmic every single time we have sex; but sometimes there are flares from penetration. She says oral seems to make her flare too.
    I'm just terribly sad for us both because I know she loved our sex life as well; but we have kids and are getting married so she can't do pills that caused the addiction anymore.
    Please help

  • #2
    Unfortunately, I do not really have advice related the best positions, lube, etc., but recommend checking out some of the IC books related to intimacy.
    However, more importantly, I want to mention I understand you when you say, "I certainly don't want to give up the best sex I have ever imagined," and you have to remember your fiancee probably does not want to either. But now she not only suffers from IC, but she also suffers from addiction, which is also chronic; she will not be cured from rehabilitation, and her addiction will be something she will always struggle with and have to work on. And as much as you want sex, you have to consider her needs, the pain she goes through after sex, and how the pain can trigger her and cause her to relapse, especially if she is still be prescribed pain medications. Please be careful.
    Message me and add me

    Diagnosed with IC at 12-years-old, but have had IC much longer, now 24-years-old - fibromyalgia (diasnosed 07/30/12) - CFS - migraines - diagnosed with myofascial pelvic pain syndrome in January of '12 - scoliosis since ~12-years-old & s/p spinal fusion (06/21/10) T10-L3 w/ metal implants & nerve damage - post laminectomy syndrome - lumbar spondylosis - mild dextroscoliosis now - menorrhagia and dysmenorrhea (both controlled) - IBS - chemical sensitivity - allergies - chronic nose bleeds - heartburn - rosacea - and that is just the relevant stuff

    Do you have a question? Feel free to ask me anything; I am an open book!

    I am not a medical authority; I do not offer medical advice. Talk to your doctor, and if you are not comfortable talking to your doctor, find another one. It is OK to advocate for yourself as well as not be satisfied with your doctor! You deserve the best medical care.