No announcement yet.

Lack of Spousal Support

  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Lack of Spousal Support

    Hello, I am new member. I have been diagnosed with IC for about 10 years now. My main if not only flare triggers are sex, point blank. I have had distentions done in the past that helped for about a year. When my husband and got together, he knew of my disease. Now 6 years later and two toddlers, my flares are worse than ever. The older I get, the worse they get. I work full time, run a side business, and am the sole caregiver for our daughters. In addition to being exhausted, he just cannot understand why my sex drive has gotten so low over the years. Quite simply, the only thing I have to look forward to after sex, is pain. The depression set in and I do take medication. I try to have sex once a week, sometimes it may be 10 days. He has badgered me over the past couple of years about it and thinks that I should "take care" of him in other ways, even if I cannot enjoy it. I am not sure if I feel any different than others who have been in my situation or not, but when I can't be a part of it, then it's even more depressing. I do manage with AZO and all the traditional strategies, but bluntly put, my body can only tolerate a few times a month. Does anyone have any advice for how I can try to get more support and understanding from my husband?

  • #2
    It would be nice if your husband would go with you for counseling. I think it could benefit both of you. Also, there's a section in the patient handbook on this site that has some very good information about developing a sexual relationship. If you scroll to the top of this page and click on "Patient Education" you'll find it.

    Sending gentle hugs,
    Stay safe

    Elmiron Eye Disease Information Center -
    Elmiron Eye Disease Fact Sheet (Downloadable) -

    Have you checked the ICN Shop?
    Click on ICN Shop at the top of this page. You'll find Bladder Builder and Bladder Rest, both of which we are finding have excellent results.

    Patient Help:


    Diet list:

    AUA Guidelines:

    I am not a medical authority nor do I offer medical advice. In all cases, I strongly encourage you to discuss your medical treatment with your personal medical care provider. Only they can, and should, give medical recommendations to you.

    Anyone who says something is foolproof hasn't met a determined fool


    • #3
      Oh bless u i do feel more u. Presumably as u have 2 toddlers u are not very old so this must be very depressing for u. I am 53 and have been with my husband for 9 years so i am a lot older than u but i feel guilty that me and my husband cannot have a normal maritial life but fortunately although it is not very nice for him he is very understanding he just wants to se me well again, i have not officially been diagnosed yet but am awaiting an appointment for a cystoscopy.


      • #4
        First of all let me say that you SHOULD NOT feel in ANY way at fault. I've had a problem with blaming myself and it only makes things worse. That being said I do have some tips and advice that I would be more than happy to share with you. I'm on my phone and can't figure out how to PM so if you would send me a message Ill gladly help as much as possible. You have a lot on you and stress is one of my main triggers. Having others to talk to can make life with IC seem a little less depressing.
        October 2005 with IC
        June 2010 with endometriosis
        August 2013 stage 4 kidney reflux
        Chronic UTIs

        I have been without insurance for several years but luckily I just got it back. Curently only treatment is Heparin instills done weekly.


        • #5
          I completely understand how you feel. I don't know what I would do if my husband was not supportive. But I do feel bad and feel inadequate as a wife. Have you ever tried valium suppositories? That's my latest thing and I'm seeing some improvement in the sex thing.
          Hi my name is Lynn. I am a 57 year old woman. I have been dealing with this IC, PFD, Vulvadynia or whatever it is for over 7 years now!! Burning, painful intercourse, painful bladder and problems peeing. It literally came on over night!
          I have Fibromyalgia, Reactive Arthritis, Vulvadynia, IC, PFD

          Tried but did not help: Physcial Therapy, Bladder Instillations, Cystosopy was normal, acupuncture. Prescriptions: Pyridium, Hydroxyzine, Amitriptyline, Ditropan, Elmiron, Lexapro, Effexor, Lyrica, Nuerontin. Cystoprotek, Vaginal Suppositories made from compounding pharmacy (valium 5mg , Baclofen 5mg, Diphenhyramine 5mg), Osphena. Hormone therapy. Bio Identical, pills, creams. Desert Harvest Aloe Vera.