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Will I Ever Have Sex Again? Looking for Emotional Support

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  • Will I Ever Have Sex Again? Looking for Emotional Support

    I've tried to hold off on this one, before posting in the forum, but I need some emotional support. I'm in a serious relationship, and my bf is very supportive. We have good communication, and he has no problem with my only being able to help him in other ways than full intercourse. It's been 2 months since I first started flaring, and since then I haven't been able to have sex at all. I feel like I'm jealous of the women who say they're in pain for a few days afterwards. The idea of anything going in there right now sounds just horrible. My bf tried using his fingers in me a month ago, and I had to stop him. Even though I used an ice cold wash cloth afterwards, I could barely walk the next day. I've masturbated, but only when I'm not in pain. It triggers my pain to come back, including my bladder swelling up. I've waited for a few symptom-free days where things maybe have cooled down but no such luck.

    Everyday that my pain doesn't go away, the reality of my situation starts becoming more clear. I have been able to deal with the sex thing on a day to day basis. Last night I was watching a movie with a really romantic sex scene, and I started crying. I realized that even if my bf is okay with me pleasing him in other ways, I'm not totally okay with it. I'm 29, and I can not see any way that I'll be able to have sex in the near future. The truth is that there is an emotional intimacy with that penetration that I don't know if I can replicate otherwise. My mind wanders and I think things like "If I were to try to get pregnant, would I have to use artificial insemination?" or "If my bf and I broke up, would anyone want to start dating me with no prospect of sex?"

    I've read tons of tips involving ice and ibuprofen, but I'm not at the point where those benefit me. Any success stories? I'd take just a 20% improvement stories?
    Not yet diagnosed - dr still eliminating other possibilities
    Worst pain of my life began August 6th, 2013. I also had terrible pain that went away after 6 weeks in Dec 2012 - Jan 2013

    IC Diet and meditation have worked wonders - as soon as I stray the pain is immediately back
    Ibuprofen or acetaminophen
    Occasional Phenazopyridin AZO
    Benadryl and melatonin to sleep
    Prelief very occasionally, because it interferes with Synthroid effectiveness)
    Heating pad between legs or ice cold wash cloth

  • #2
    Ibuprofen causes flares with many ICers, so I would be cautious there.

    I've talked to my uro about lidocaine gel for during and after sex, but haven't gotten any yet. It's been a long time for me. I haven't had sex since Thanksgiving, and I just haven't been able to stabilize enough since first being diagnosed to get to where I feel comfortable enough. But my hubbie is very supportive and we've been intimate without intercourse. (sorry TMI)

    Like you, I worry. Even though hubbie is supportive, I get scared that this is going to cause problems with us. But I talk to him about it, and that helps a lot.

    As far as pregnancy, there are many ICers who have gotten pregnant with IC. You are still young, and have time.

    It's a scary thing, and our life has changed, but it's not over and things happen in the time that they need to happen. I'm sorry that you are going through all of this. Big Hug!!
    My blog on IC, adoption, and academia: the garlic whisperer

    Diagnosed Jan 2013. Currently taking:

    200mg Elmiron morning and night
    25mg Elavil at night (no drowsiness or weight gain)
    culturelle in the morning
    SLIT drops for allergies (environmental) 3 drops/night under the tongue
    zyrtec 24 hour nightly (recommended by uro)
    Instillations 3x/week: Parson's Solution
    uribel and prelief as needed

    Also took Desert Harvest Aloe (3 in the morning and 3 at night) for a year and had great luck.
    No longer need them, so I only take them during flares.


    • #3
      It takes a lot of open communication, experimenting, and lubricant --- but it's very possible to have a satisfying sex life in spite of IC. There's a section in the patient information section on this site that may help you.

      Stay safe

      Elmiron Eye Disease Information Center -
      Elmiron Eye Disease Fact Sheet (Downloadable) -

      Have you checked the ICN Shop?
      Click on ICN Shop at the top of this page. You'll find Bladder Builder and Bladder Rest, both of which we are finding have excellent results.

      Patient Help:


      Diet list:

      AUA Guidelines:

      I am not a medical authority nor do I offer medical advice. In all cases, I strongly encourage you to discuss your medical treatment with your personal medical care provider. Only they can, and should, give medical recommendations to you.

      Anyone who says something is foolproof hasn't met a determined fool


      • #4
        I feel the exact same way. It is a huge worry and hurt for me. I have had sex only 3 times this year, twice when I was on a week of antibiotics for a UTI (somehow I thought it would protect me - never got a UTI but it was sore), and once in May (painful for days after although I followed meticulous preparation and lube and aftercare etc).

        I don't feel I can do it at all either, but I keep trying. I think I should just give up on sex completely sometimes. It affects you in other ways I think, I feel much more frumpy and less sparkly in general because of my problems with having sex.

        I have written down a list (that thread on here helped), like a checklist, of things to do step by step, before and after, the next time I try it.

        Scared to though

        You are not alone, although I don't have any suggestions x
        27 y.o mother of 2 in the UK.

        Bladder problems since the age of 17. Recurrent UTI (thankfully none since the Dec 2012 UTI which triggered these symptoms off) and my GP strongly suspects IC, had ultrasound and awaiting diagnosis via cystoscopy and hydrodistention.

        Symptoms are - painful bladder, frequency and urgency, bladder spasms, urethra pain "twinges", pelvic pain, pressure feeling in bladder.

        Tried - Ditropan (did nothing but no side effects either - took for 4 months), Vesicare (didn't work - caused retention) Magnesium and Calcium (did nothing - took for 1 month).

        Currently trying - Probiotics, PH balance, Cod Liver Oil and, D-Mannose before and after intercourse, ****** ********* method for reducing risk of UTI, Contraceptive Pill for my PCOS and cycle control. I mainly follow the IC diet and also elimination diet.


        • #5
          It has been hard for me as well, but only from the point to feel I need to pee and run before sex "last time" to toilet one or 2 times. It has never hurted me during, so it is hard to really feel what you feel, but I have burning a day after quite bad.
          What to suggest? First: dont use toilet paper. I started feeling better, after I started washing myself after peeing with water. After washing, I use, at least in the evenings, some vaginalgel, which has calming effect, as well during intercourse. If you get that far, you should always wash yourself, and your bf, before and after, and you as well pee a bit just after sex.
          Looks like you did not try natural remedies yet. Did you try baking soda, 1 teaspoon in class of water, 1, max 2 times a day, when things are really bad? If you have high blood pressure, you should not do it long or often, but I have really low (and no coffee allowed ), so it helps me, but not hurts me. I also started taking in last 1-2 weeks aloe vera juice, as I found no tablets here in Germany yet, I take 4 spoons 2 times a day (suggested first 3 weeks, then half dose). I started drinking marshmallow root tea, which is really inexpensive here. Aloe vera juice costs quite few as well, 6-7 euros 500 ml, should last 1-1,5 weeks and is 100 per cent juice. Also I started eating coconut oil (cold pressed, bio), 1-2 spoons every day, also not so expensive. I also tried salad-and-vegetables- diet, I was forced because of coloscopy, to eat very carefully. I have read, eating green things only has helped many here as well, just maybe 1 week to give a try? Those things I mentioned, I really feel difference in 1 week already, and I take no medicine at all! But I still do not want to give up my first helpers, cranberry pills, 550 mg dose 2 times a day. Many people here say they are too acid, but they have helped me a lot last 5 months, and even if I have burning, they actually help in that. But, from my last experiences now, do not try cranberries first, but try to start with everything else I mentioned here, I mean, they are really not so expensive and can not hurt People also have mentioned here curcum, Quercetin, Calcium Citrate, Colostrum, Omega 3 fish oil, grapefruit seed extract, to leave out gluten and lactose from your food, use Estrace cream and yeast cleanse pills, if you should have yeast. And vaseline or other vaginalgel definitely helps. Believe me, it has made me so shortly very big difference, I could not even believe. I hope it will last and I hope you find something useful of this information which I have collected, as you can not start with real medication yet. You can always write me personally, if you have some success with anything here, share with us