how do you get your hubby to understand??

[Amy Leigh]

I seem to be having a rough time with everything. I am a very anxious person to begin with, worry all the time but extremely organized. My husband told me this morning to go see "somebody" because our marriage would not survive this...my IC problems/depression and, as he puts it "taking it out on everybody" I've learned to isolate myself if I am too upset, too anxious or of course in too much pain. I don't think my children need to see it (7yo boy, 10 yo girl, 13 yo boy) I do request my husband to spend some time with me, you know a shoulder to cry on, etc... he always has an excuse, or he says he'll come in to check on me (NEVER does) or he'll be coming to bed in a minute(COMES in 3 hours later) I tell him how this makes me feel, he says it my fault..I'm not pleasant therefore, he doesn't want to be around me. I told him that it feel like the more I need his emotional support, the more he is emotionally distant. HELP!! Should we see a counselor? I'm afraid they won't understand the disease and it'll make things worse..most people don't understand the disease..how do I get him to understand before he runs away?
Amy Leigh

[DanaW]

This disease is tough physically and emotionally....I also deal with a hubby that is sick of me being sick. I also am short tempered because of the pain etc.....I think that it would be good for both of us to see someone who helps with dealing with chronic pain. (I also have FM)Check with the pain clinic in your area. They should have someone who counsels. I also suffer from depression. This disease just compounds every problem you have. (including a problematic marriage) Good Luck and let me know if you go see someone and vice versa.....take care of yourself, grouphug grouphug

[shell]

Amy Leigh,

It sounds like your husband might have forgotten half of his wedding vows (...for better or for worse, in sickness and in health...). Many men want to be "fixers," and be able to solve any problem that comes along. It could be your husband is avoiding the situation as much as possible because he isn't able to fix this for you.

Marriage counseling could be a good idea. It can be helpful to have a neutral party involved that can help keep the conversation on track and try to get to the really important questions. Although IC still insn't widely known, there are many other chronic conditions that affect a person's quality of life to some extent, and any good counselor should know that.

It took my husband and I a long time to get used to my having IC and all of the aspects surrounding that. It wasn't always easy and we've both made compromises, but we are finally at a point where it doesn't affect our relationship negatively.

[Ginny]

I think it would be a good idea if the two of you saw someone. He needs as much help dealing with this as you do. It might get him to talk about his feeling of you being sick.

Ginny

[auntiedeb]

grouphug grouphug grouphug I will be praying for you and your family. Please let us know how you make out. gentle hugs to you Amy.

[Iris]

Hi Amy, I agree with all the gals posts. I think it would certainly help you both to be able to discuss how your IC is affecting, not only you, but him. It is difficult, I think, for husbands to understand exactly how IC affects everything in our lives, including our marriages. I am sure we have all been through rough patches with our hubbies, especially in the beginning,feeling the emotional distances, dealing with the pain, and the lifestyle changes. I know it helps us that my husband goes with me to my appointments and that was a big help. I hope that you find a good counsellor. Please let us know how you are doing, hugs Iris, remember we are always here for you. hi grouphug