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Don't know how much longer I can live like this

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  • Don't know how much longer I can live like this

    My husband seems to have turned into 2 people. One, the nice guy, the other, the verbal abuser. The old teri would have walked out along time ago. This one would have to crawl out and then what? How would I live on $640 a month with no insurance?

    To be told that I do absoluately NOTHING everyday is the worse kind of abuse a person in chronic pain can live with. If I did nothing all day that man would not beable to find the kitchen sink. He would reek of b.o. because he's unable to go grocery shopping. There would never be any soap, tp, shampoo, food, NOTHING in the house. The counter tops would be impossible to find. The island in the kitchen would be gone forever. The stains in the toilet would make any human want to puke. I guess he thinks sticking to the hardwood floors is a saftey feature so you don't have to worry about slipping and falling. NONE of the bills would be paid on time. He would forget all of his dr's and dentist appts. And, I do absoluately nothing around here.
    I swear, one of these days he's going to say that to me and I'm going to club him with something. Just one day, one lousey rotten stinkin' 24 hours I want that a.h. to live in my body. He thinks he's God almighty because he bring in the money and that's all that should be expected of him. He forgot about how broke we were when we first got married and how I paid off his back child support and got him out of his financial problems. He's real good at forgetting the positive. The negative, he NEVER lets go of.

    Then, he makes up just like the man who physically abuses his spouse. He will buy me a card, or flowers or some other little gift. He will go a few days telling me to take it easy, he knows how hard I've been pushing myself and then BANG>>>>>>>>OUT COMES THE MONSTER AGAIN.

    this life sucks
    Courage does not always roar. Sometimes, it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow".

  • #2
    Hi Teri:
    What is his explanation of this poor behavior? My husband can be quite disrespectful at times and TRIES to degrade me. I believe it comes from stress (he doesn't handle it very well) and the fact that he's never lived out on his own and survived tough times. Quite simply, he's immature and selfish at times.

    What do I do when the Jerk side of his personality comes for a visit? I whop him over the head with the truth and anything other than a full apology (excuses are not tolorated AT ALL) for the behavior will not be accepted. It can be all out war at times, but respect is worth it and I will fight to the death for it.

    I have no problems telling my husband to hit the bricks if he intends to continues the disrespectful and degrading behavior. I might not be bringing home the bacon anymore, but I'm certainly worth more than a paycheck (as if I'm his ***** or something! He's out of his damn mind!). I told him the last time we fought..."If I wanted a roommate, I'd have chosen someone much cleaner and if I wanted to take care of a child, I'd have had one by now. When I married him, I was under the impression that he was a man and a responsible human being with compassion and maturity. Do you mean to tell me now that it was all a hoax?" I further said, "I've lived through a lot of unbelievable crap and SURVIVED. What makes you think I won't survive you? I'll be damned if I will allow any man to disrespect me (your wife by the way), especially when you know my medical condition. If you think you can pull it off, you might as well get to steppin', because I KNOW I can survive this and take care of myself. You will never be worth tolorating that kind of behavior!"

    Teri~You are a lot stronger than you realize and no man can disrespect you, unless you tolorate it. In my house (and my life), there is zero tolorance. I give my husband a lot of respect and damn well expect it in return. There is no price (or paycheck) one can put on respect. It is priceless!

    Kick his butt and the next time he brings you the routine flowers, cards and "I'm sorry", shove them back in his face and tell him "It's R.E.S.P.E.C.T. or nothing at all you weakling!">Tina
    What you are is God's gift to you...What you make of yourself is your gift to God.


    • #3
      Bravo Tina,
      You have such a way with words. You are great! I don't know how old you are but I sure do respect your worldly wisdom.
      Teri, you hang in there. I also think you are a very strong woman.

      "Life is what happens when you are making other plans" John Lennon

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      • #4
        If I lived close to you, girl I'd come over there and bang him over the head myself with the flowers he just bought for you to make up for being a disrespectful brat.

        You just need a hug.... <img src="graemlins/grouphug.gif" border="0" alt="[grouphug]" /> Did you get it?

        Wish I could do something for you!!!!

        Take care.
        Jaime <img src="graemlins/hi.gif" border="0" alt="[hi]" />
        Tons of support,

        IC angel helping families in need for the holidays. [email protected]


        • #5

          I think your husband and mine fell out of the same tree. You were there for me when I wrote about the horrible behaviors of my husband, and I hope I can be there for you.

          The above messages are so well worded. Bravo! Are you able to say these things to your husband, or will he think you are full of "psycho-babble" like my husband? To this day my husband thinks the downfall our of our marriage is due to Dr. Phil McGraw, and not his own behaviors. How DARE I stand up for myself!

          My husband knows that one more incident and I'm out the door. A good quote I heard today: "Never - Ever - Invest more in a relationship than you can afford to lose."

          Isn't is sad to have to live like this. I thought my husband was "the one" and my soulmate. How was I to know that I was entering a marriage with a sex addict, porn addict, alcoholic, and a diagnosis of Narcisstic Personality Disorder. The man has absolutely NO empathy, and everything is judged on how it affects HIM. Let's just say that he couldn't change a lightbulb, rather the world would have to revolve around him to have it screwed in.

          I spent my supposidely dream Thanksgiving at The Plaza in New York City and went to see the parade. My husband drank himself into a tizzie so I spent the evening, in one of the most beautiful hotels in the US, on the internet reading the ICN. Very lonely life, eh? The parade? He wore a light jacket on purpose so that he could ***** through the whole thing. I was hoping this little vacation would help me get through the first holiday without my wonderful mother, who died two months ago. (It has been hard getting back to writing on the ICN after losing my mother, but I am slowly).

          It appears that your husband, like mine, has other issues going on, and he is taking it out on you. You are such a wonderful, kind, beautiful and loving woman, who always gives so much more that you receive. You do not deserve this treatment. Period.

          Know that you are in my thoughts, Gail


          • #6
            ***** rhymes with "witch"


            • #7
              LOL gt! <img src="graemlins/lmao.gif" border="0" alt="[lmao]" /> Not at your story, but your explanation...

              Diagnosed August 2001

              Current IC meds: Elmiron (since 2001), Levaquin (one pill after intercourse to prevent UTIs), Effexor (for depression & anxiety)

              Past IC meds: Amitriptyline (Elavil), Hydroxyzine (Vistaril), Detrol LA, Lexapro (for depression & anxiety, but also helped my IC) (They all helped, but I was able to discontinue them.)

              I've been virtually symptom free and able to eat & drink whatever I'd like for about 8 years now.


              “We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms -- to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way.” ~ Viktor Frankl

              “You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you.” ~ Brian Tracy


              • #8
                Dear Teri -

                Verbal abuse can be much, much worse than
                physical abuse - because it slowly eats away at the person targeted......I know you are strong - but remember - don't let him define you, as a person.....and remind HIM that when he opens his mouth to abuse you - THAT
                defines him (numerous adjectives here, none
                sending MANY HUGS, Lauren

                <img src="graemlins/grouphug.gif" border="0" alt="[grouphug]" /> <img src="graemlins/angel.gif" border="0" alt="[angel]" /> <img src="graemlins/grouphug.gif" border="0" alt="[grouphug]" />

                "May the road rise up to meet you,
                may the wind be at your back.....
                and may God hold you in the palm
                of His hand."

                A Gaelic Blessing


                • #9
                  Live strong

                  Hi Teri,
                  When I read your post I couldn't believe how similar it is to mine sometimes. While my man has become more understanding lately since I have been visiting this site, there were times when he called me lazy and had no clue the hell I was going through. I also cleaned his house, cooked his meals, bought his groceries, and even ran some of his errands. I don't know how he survived before we got together. But he had, and to some extent and some times even now, no idea of what life was like, as you said, to be inside my body and feel the constant never ending pain I feel.
                  I will be praying for you. Be strong and let your husband know that you deserve respect, because you do . Any person who can live with IC and not lose their mind is a life warrior as far as I am concerned.
                  Please know that there are those of us who are thinking of you and praying for you.


                  • #10
                    This is a very old thread. I will be closing it for that reason.

                    Stay safe

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