Done saying "I'm sorry"

[Teri]

Didn't make it to the family dinner yesterday. There was absoluately no way I could do it. I was in so much pain I had to shower sitting down and could barly hold the dryer to dry my hair and said screw this crap.....went back to bed, pulled the covers over my head and slept till 5:30pm.

AND , even tho the hubby was not a happy man I did not say I'm sorry and I told him that from now until Jan 1st he will NOT hear those words come out of my mouth.....period. For whatever reason God has chosen to keep me housebound for the last couple of months and I'm to the point where I just can't fight it anymore and saying I'm sorry only makes me feel like I have even more to feel guilty about....

We did have a small dinner today with our youngest son and it was perfect so I was able to get those extra not needed calories blink blink

[auntiedeb]

grouphug grouphug grouphug grouphug grouphug kissing Praying for you my adopted Mom. Hope you feel better soon.

[Dixiefireball]

Teri,
i'm so sorry you had an awful thanksgiving but i don't blame you just saying i'm sorry to a family member just makes you feel like you did something wrong when YOU know you didn't you can't help how today is or tomorrow for that matter next week
I think it is great that you had a small dinner with your son that may have been what was best for you anyway.

[ICNJess]

Hi Teri--

I know exactly how you feel. And you know what? I don't think you should have to say you are sorry. You never wanted any of this crap to happen to you. But you feel obligated to appologize because you just feel like it's your fault. That's how I feel. "I'm sorry I fell asleep on your day off, I know you wanted to do something but I was in pain and so tired and not feeling well"...I often say that to hubby.
Grrrr IC and everything else can really make you feel guilty. But I am not appologizing anymore either. I didn't ask for all this sickness. Sorry, guess I'm a little crabby today. My dad is really sick with a cold and guess who is sneezing and has a sore throat this morning?? GRRRRR I catch everything within a 5 mile radius!

Hugs and love,
Jess

[tigger_gal]

HUGS... I will not apoligize for being sick hurt or in pain, you dont like it theres the door !!!! I agree
Brat

[Iris]

Hi sorry about you feeling so bad Teri, but I agree with the gals, I do not see why we should apologise for something we did not ask for in the first place, I don't think any of us requested IC, hope you start to feel a little better soon. Glad you were able to have a dinner with your son and that worked out for you. Jess, hope you are not coming down with a cold, I know there is a lot of stuff going around here with coughs and sneezes. Take care gals and look after yourselves, hugs Iris hi grouphug

[Katrina]

First off I want to say I agree with you and everyone that replied. So please don't take what I am about to say the wrong way. I have quit trying to be like the healthy, but want to do what I can..sick of being alone at home when others are cellebrating too. So If I go unshowered, spending my whole time in a wheel chair, than I saw them..and maybe they will understand better when regardless of all of that I still can't go.
I hope you are feeling better soon and don't have to go through all of that again.
Being judge by the family is an area of life I would rather avoid, and I think they should be appolygysing to you if they do it.
grouphug grouphug grouphug grouphug

[Mackie]

Teri, girl, you took the words right out of my mouth! I, too, havr gotten sick of saying I'm sorry, like we did something wrong! I used to say it all the time to the teacher I work with when I was absent. Not this year. You know what I'm sorry about? The fact that we all have this miserable condition and that people make us feel guilty about it!

Praying you feel better soon....

Mackie
P.S. I don't know if it makes you feel better, but one positive thing I've found about being sick, is occasionally being able to help others. Just thought I'd let you know that you do a great job of this...

[lotsofgirls]

Hi Teri,
Good for you, knowing your limits and not pushing beyond them to make others happy. Wish I had could be more like that.
Cath wink

[beth_s]

Hurray! Thank you Teri for setting such a good example! It makes me sick to think about all the times I used to apologize for being sick! It's the world that should be apologizing to us; if Drs hadn't been blowing off IC patients for the last 100 years, we'd have a cure by now! Besides, its not like anyone asks to be sick; its nothing to be ashamed of, but the world still tries to make you feel like a second class citizen. Now that I am better, I can't believe how much nicer people are to me... but I'm the same person now that I was then! Where were some of these "friends" when I really needed them?! Even though I'm 95% symptom free at this point, I'm STILL trying to get back to feeling good about myself, after having been treated like *#@* by some of the people who I thought cared about me. (Needless to say, I have dumped these "friends"). If I even get sick again, I'll really try NOT to say "I'm sorry". Sad and dissapointed that I can't do what I want, yes, but feeling guilty about it, NO. beth_s

[icnmgrjill]

Good job Teri. It was a hard lesson to learn how to say "I can't go"... to various family events and holidays but I also learned that if I tried to go when I was feeling miserable, I would arrive in horrible shape and, in general, put a damper on the whole occasion.

I think that it takes great courage to say "Go ahead without me today. My body needs to rest." And while I often cried when they drove away, I was ALWAYS glad that I made that decision. Sometimes a couch, an afghan, a heating pad and an old movie is the best trip to take!

Here's a funny story. I was asked to be in my cousins wedding down in Southern California. My da was walking down the aisle with her as my uncle had passed on years ago. It was to be a very special event but, you guessed it, my IC hit like mad and I just couldn't do it. Well, when they drove away I balled my eyes out. Then I started cleaning the house just to work off some of my stress.

When the family finally arrived back home, the first thing my mom and sister said was "Thank God You didn't come." It turned out that the wedding was out this long bumpy country road. One hour drive each way from the hotel. Even the healthy bladders took a horrible beating. They were all absolutely sure that the best thing that I did was stay home! So, somes there is a good reason to stay home though we don't often know it at the time.

In any case, I adopted a very systematic way of deciding if I would go on trips. Rather than get all emotional about it days ahead of time and even the night before, I told everyone that I would "try" to go but that I would make up my mind that morning. Then, that morning, I would honestly and neutrally evaluate my pain. If it was above a 4 out of 10 scale, I stayed home. If it was below, I would go. This took so much of my anxiety and emotional out of the process. I still do that today. And I've learned that when I violate that, and go, I usually pay the price. Sooo... sooo... you "stay" girl! Just do what your body lets you do!

Jill

[SheriG]

Teri,
Good for you that you thought of you first.I can only imagine that you felt much better staying home, tho it is hard to make the decision. I hope to learn a lesson here...next time I will think of you and this post, and if I really don't think I can go...I won't, and will try not to feel guilty. Thanks for the post. grouphug Sheri

[sparklebabyprincess]

the only time I really feel like saying I'm sorry is when my hubby was looking forward to something and I could not go, I would tell him I'm sorry and he would hug me and tell me it's not my fault and if he really wanted to go he would. but he usually decides to stay home with me which I feel guilty about I'm a slave to this house he shouldn't be, but he tell's me he would rather be with me at home then with others. I think sometimes he's glad he has a reason to stay home.

Remember it's not your fault, we did nothing and we can't change it, besides if someone really gets angry because you can't go then they don't deserve an apology anyway right?

Pray to have the power to change the things you can and the power to accept the things you can't. "I need to make that my Quote " grouphug

(edited) there thats the right saying in my quote

[Zanni2]

I agree with all of you! There are times when I am also made to feel guilty for not wanting to go on a long car ride or to a party when in a major IC flare-up. Non-IC people who have never had bladder troubles have told me things like, "Don't make it the center of your universe," "Just go to the bathroom when you need to," or "Just get your little cup and pee in the cup." Yeah right! It's not always that simple. How can I trust the comments of people without IC experience? It's hard for me to plan any major activities since my bladder acts differently from one day to the next, even within a day it can act differently at various times of the day and night. Plus, frequency is not the only problem. Urgency, irritation and pain are also part of my IC experience. Non-IC people just don't get it. Thanks for your honest opinions.

[ic-debra]

You don't have to apologise. You don't owe anyone an explanation. Just saying no shoudl do fine. You don't even have to attribute it to IC. Like Nancy Regan used to say, "Just say no!"