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  • autumn2
    replied
    My husband asks me all the time how I am feeling and a lot of the time I say o.k. just to get him off my back because if I say that I am in pain and having a hard tiem functioning then all of a sudden it is my fault. He always says"what did you eat wrong or drink wrong" OR call the doctor do not let it get too bad, I have to work tonight. (He is an investigator and as you all know criminials never sleep) The only time he really knows that I am feeling bad, just like this past Friday was when I called him home from work and begged him to take me to the dr. to get some relief. I got 2 shots and slept for 2 days. I also had to send my children away for the weekend and that absolutley kills me (DEPRESSED REALLY BAD ABOUT THAT) I feel like such an inadequate mother, but he does nothing to help it. HE only wants to know what is for dinner and have you bathed the children yet. But yet and still if he gets the flu or a virus, we go to the ER and he has to be babied by his mother and me. And he gets up to do nothing!!!! I am suppose to be strong because I am the mother, wife and homemaker. I am looking at going back to work in 3 years after my daughter goes to kindergarten. He does not this, but I have no intentions on going back to work, because at that time he will be running for Sherrif and I am not campaigning, taking care of the children, him and this house and working a full time job. I have hard time with the job I have. I wish we could switch rolls for one day and it be a day when the flare is really bad and the period is there. I am so emotional right now, I will stop! Thank you! THIS BOARD HELPS SO MUCH! [img]smile.gif[/img]

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  • Lady J
    replied
    Lesa, I know how that feels. My husband has really needed to be trained on this one! Turns out he's so used to pretending he's fine when he's not, he just extends it. That is actually pretty common for men. They are not supposed to pay attention to pain or illness that way. Now, I"m not saying some of them aren't babies who fall apart at a cold and would just die if they actually had to have periods but maybe your husband falls into the first category like mine does? Another thing, sometimes men are afraid to ask how we are because it brings up that helpless feeling when they can't fix it and they want to avoid at that all cost. For this reason it can be vital to really verbazize appreciation at how wonderful it is just to be able to whine and what a difference that makes in terms of feeling comforted and understood which gives us strength to deal with the pain and discomfort. Sometimes I just tell my husband I need to whine and I do it and I mean whine and he holds me and I really let him know how wonderful that is for me. And guess what- he's gotten better at it and I feel more supported. It's important he feel useful not hopeless and in the end, who wants a hopeless feeling partner when we need support?

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  • tigger_gal
    replied
    I have come to the conclusion that our husbands think that as long as we don't work we can mantain a house........... do somethin sit for an hour.......do something else sit for a half hour........ aaaaaaaahhhhhhhh. They can't concieve the word PAIN! especially the ones with fibro...... and michigan weather. ok I vent alot but my life really suxs these days. I like well I hurt too, oh gee I wish you hurt a portion of how I feel sweetheart. You did MY laundry! So did you save yours for me? I ran your vacuum..... Do you really own your own? ........ I did your dishes..... Am I the only one who ate?.... Did you watch my tv? Did you tske psin pills just to get thru the day? Did you sit and cry and wish you could do what you use to? OH honey one more thing....... Do you sit and think gee I wish I could enjoy sex again?....... When I was well I mowed the lawn I never said I ran YOUR lawn mower today, or YOUR weed eater thingamabob! Your edger!When was the last time you sat down held me in your arms and tell me you loved me and it would be ok? Tell me you understand I hurt! not belittle me and make me feel worse that dirt, make me feel guilty for who I became, not by choice, you fail to understand that I am me I am the you fell in love with and married. I am still here for you and support you. can you not find it in your heart to support me......... OK I went off and running at the mouth again....... this is the only place I can do it without getting my head bit off.
    In the end I think there has been a full moon out these days and all of our husbands are trapped in it and think that its all about us and they don't count and have no feelings........ but if I am not mistaken it is about us and uf you were here to support me then it will be about us!

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  • ICNDonna
    replied
    Lesa, I think it's probably a little bit of all the things you mentioned. I know my husband usually tells people that I'm doing "okay" if he's asked --- I think he gets it from me cause that's how I usually respond.

    {{{{{{{{{{{{Lesa}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
    {{{{{{{{{{{{Teri}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

    Donna

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  • ICNLesa
    replied
    Here's a thought....my hubby always says he's afraid to ask how I'm feeling 'cause he thinks I get frustrated and mad at him. How about we create a little pain meter to hang in the kitchen? You know...that maybe has a piece we can slide to a number between 1 and 10 that indicates how we're feeling? That way, we don't have to tell them every time we don't feel well and they won't think because we cleaned the bathroom that we are feeling 'fine'. They can just look at our pain meter!

    ICNLesa [img]biggrin.gif[/img]

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  • Teri
    replied
    God Lesa~I'm right behind you....things are so bad around here that he bought flowers home today and I don't give a rats patootee [img]mad.gif[/img] I swear to God, if I am not literally sobbing ALL the time, the man thinks I am well.....1 heating pad doesn't count anymore, if I'm using 2 he thinks I'm a little under the weather.

    I don't know how you are doing it. If I were able to work I'd be gone. I can't live with my own anger over my life and him dumping on me with his crap (which can be changed) and being reminded every stinkin' time he does something 'for me'.....like, I did your laundry 'for you' or I 'ran your vacuum for you'.....took me 5 hours to beable to leave my house today because of the pain but since I was grocery shopping for 1 1/2 hours I must be having a well day, huh!!!!!!!!!! GEEZ, I got so many drugs in me that I shouldn't be standing!!!!!!!!!


    MEN [img]mad.gif[/img] [img]mad.gif[/img] [img]mad.gif[/img] [img]mad.gif[/img]

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  • ICNLesa
    started a topic Perception

    Perception

    Okay...here's a little vent. I get home from work and hubby says the hospital called to see how I was feeling after my colonoscopy. "Should I call them back", I said. "No...", he replies. So I then ask, "What did you tell them?" He says, "That you were feeling fine and back to work today." What!?! Good Golly! I went to work today because I have BILLS TO PAY and health insurance to maintain....not because I feel fine. Jeesh! It makes me wonder if he really thinks I feel fine or if he just tells people that. Is it his perception, his denial, his desire not to discuss my health? Argh!

    Lesa
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