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As I hit re-dial on my phone this morning

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  • As I hit re-dial on my phone this morning

    it dawned on me, why/where can't I push the re-dial on ME cussing cussing

    I am so friggin' angry and there is absoluately no one in my family to talk to because of my sister's melenoma. Crap! She's 100% in better shape than I am. Yes, she will eventually have to learn to deal with the fact that the cancer will kill her. So, Diane gets cards, gifts of pre-cooked freezer ready meals, the phone is ringing off the hook with people checking up on her. I get to know that for as long as I live, this is my life .

    What do I have to look forward to dealing with? God knows how many more years of this friggin' non-stopable pain. I can't drive anymore. One of my meds is all of a sudden messing with my vision.....so I think to myself "self, which med can we give up for a couple of days so we can find out which one can be causing it"........self tried it for 3 days. The only medication I took was my HRT and antidepressant. Now, I should throw in there that I had to stay in bed for 3 days to try that. At the end of 3 days I get up because I need to join the real world once and awhile. Within an hour I was doubled over in pain. So, I take a dilaudid. Didn't touch the pain but my vision wasn't too bad. Within an hour I was doubled over again so I do a B&O and as the medication started working my vision also started messing up. Without the B&O's I'm right back in bed.

    On days that I am lucky enough to leave the house I buy clothes, every trip out, I buy clothes. My HB keeps saying "why, it would take you a month to wear everything that you've got" and I always tell him, "it's for when I get better"

    With each passing day I'm getting worse, not better. Last weekend was so great because I got to watch my babies play in the sand but that's all that I could do was watch. HB never took his eyes off of me because he was scared to death that I would try walking up the hill by myself. (he had to have this pointed out to him by his daughter who is actually more worried about me than he is) So, I now need help walking up and down the steps.....there ARE alot but last year I was able to do it. So here we go IC, take another bite out of me....I can't stop you so just keep on bitting.

    All's I want are the little things, like being able to tell a friend lets meet for coffee tomorrow. Hell, I can't even do that cuz I don't know if I'll beable to get out of bed or off the bathroom floor. Thank God the girl who does my hair doesn't care what I look like when I come in because I've gone in on some pretty sick days and she knows when I'm like that to leave me alone and get the job done without a bunch of chit-chat.

    The only good thing I've got going for me right now is having this interstim removed. At least then they can do an MRI and hopefully I will get some answers. Oh yea, another good thing, my daughter starts working at the hospital on the 18th and I told her to FIND me a dr who is considered God-like. So, hopefully I will find a GP who knows how to dx something other than "upper respitory infection" and shove more antibiotics down my throat and screw up my system a little more.

    It's like accepting that I can't drive right now that's got me at a new rock bottom. Everything else has been thrown at me but I've at least had my car. Well, I'll still have my car, I just don't have the right to be driving it. HB is always saying that if I need to go somewhere he will take me. Well, that only works until I ask him cussing cussing

    I HATE YOU IC.................WHY DID YOU HAVE TO COME INTO MY LIFE AND WHERE THE HE$$ IS THE REDIAL
    teri
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Courage does not always roar. Sometimes, it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow".

  • #2
    {{{{{{{{{{{{{Teri}}}}}}}}}}I am so sorry that you are having a tough time and in pain. I suggest you call your doctor and tell him about the vision problem and also doubling over in pain. Maybe you have or had ahdesions? I hate being doubled over in pain. I am praying for you. Oops, I picked up my phone and I am hooked onto the computer. LOL. I was trying to find the redidal to tell you where it was. Oh well. Please email or pm me. I am here for you. My email is [email protected] Hang in there. There is hope. Sending gentle hugs and an angel for you. Love you. angel grouphug
    Hang in there , There is hope.
    There is hope. Prayer works.

    Love, Debbie

    Comment


    • #3
      HUGS, Teri... If I lived near you we'd get together for pseudo-coffee right there on that bathroom floor tomorrow if we needed to...
      Kim

      Diagnosed August 2001

      Current IC meds: Elmiron (since 2001), Levaquin (one pill after intercourse to prevent UTIs), Effexor (for depression & anxiety)


      Past IC meds: Amitriptyline (Elavil), Hydroxyzine (Vistaril), Detrol LA, Lexapro (for depression & anxiety, but also helped my IC) (They all helped, but I was able to discontinue them.)

      I've been virtually symptom free and able to eat & drink whatever I'd like for about 8 years now.

      *****************************

      “We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms -- to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way.” ~ Viktor Frankl

      “You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you.” ~ Brian Tracy

      Comment


      • #4
        Me too Teri, If I lived near you, I would bring you coffee and drink with you on the bathroom floor along with Kim. Sending you hugs.
        Hang in there , There is hope.
        There is hope. Prayer works.

        Love, Debbie

        Comment


        • #5
          TERI HUGS HUGS kissing grouphug
          you know you can call me .......... "GOD" sent me to the gyn and gp that I have and they all WORK TOGEATHER wink please consider calling them I sent you there names and numbers .............
          big hugs
          love your
          BRAT HEHEHE ok
          Cindy
          'The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.'

          Comment


          • #6
            Teri - can you bring up the mental image of a bunch of us crouched down, laying down, or sitting in your bathroom? It would be heavy rotation on the toilet, coffee brewing in the background, frequent breaks for meds, and lots of stretching to work out the kinks from being cramped up in the bathroom with about 15 or so women!

            Next time you really are stuck in the bathroom - you think of that, OK? wink And picture this guy popping out and sucking us all down the potty if you need to -> toilet
            Kim

            Diagnosed August 2001

            Current IC meds: Elmiron (since 2001), Levaquin (one pill after intercourse to prevent UTIs), Effexor (for depression & anxiety)


            Past IC meds: Amitriptyline (Elavil), Hydroxyzine (Vistaril), Detrol LA, Lexapro (for depression & anxiety, but also helped my IC) (They all helped, but I was able to discontinue them.)

            I've been virtually symptom free and able to eat & drink whatever I'd like for about 8 years now.

            *****************************

            “We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms -- to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way.” ~ Viktor Frankl

            “You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you.” ~ Brian Tracy

            Comment


            • #7
              lol Kim too funny.

              Teri, I know how frustrated you must feel. Sometimes I wish we had a rewind button. I would rewind my life back to when I was fun. When I could go out and have a beer and get out on the dance floor and get up in the morning and be me. Thats the one thing Dr's and researchers don't understand. The impact this disease has on our lives. This effects us every day, not giving up on weekends or holidays. It doesn't matter if we have something important to do or somewhere we need to be, the IC is there. This is why we all have to stick together and make IC known. We HAVE to hold hands and stay together and NOT give up til we are heard and there is a cure. Hang in there sweetheart. We are all in this together, sitting on the bathroom floor drinking coffee, waiting for the toilet man to suck us all in. toilet
              IC Angel: Proudly supporting the Children and the Elderly with IC.


              E-Mail: [email protected]

              http://www.myspace.com/lilmiss200595


              Revelation 21:4
              "And he will wipe out every tear from their eyes, and death will be no more, neither will mourning nor outcry nor pain be anymore. The former things have passed away."

              Comment


              • #8
                Teri,

                This sucks! I wish things would get better for you. I hate this disease and everything it does. I got a story for you. I had a patient the other day with bladder CANCER. He had a catheter in and it was pure blood. he also had just had surgery done to remove a tumor in his bladder. The thing is he was in no pain. That's good, i mean I'm glad. i hope everything works out for him but he had cancer. The big C and was in no pain. He had every kind of pain med ordered and you guys are lucky to get a tylenol. It's like once they find out it won't kill you then they stop trying. They don't realize that it is killing some. I'm praying for you girl..

                Love always,
                Kenzy

                Comment


                • #9
                  Hi Teri,
                  I am so sorry for the way you are feeling. As I look back over my life, I cannot believe that I would make this statement, but... sometimes I wish I was terminal. Then I stop and think about my family, and I cancel the thought. Just think, the 25th will be here really soon and maybe, just maybe things will get better... I PRAY.
                  GOD BLESS YOU
                  HUGS
                  SUSAN
                  Susan
                  People may not remember exactly what "you did, or what you said, but- they will always remember how you made them feel"

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Terri ! Love and huggs! I know how u feel! Do u got some room left on the bathroom floor for me to come join u all! I can just picture it ! LOL Love Sandra! lmao grouphug lmao

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Teri, HRT? It killed me. Can you try to go without that for a while? My thoughts & prayers are with you. I hope that we will all beat this crappy disease in the near future. Gentle hugs, Kathi grouphug hi
                      One Day At A Time
                      Kathi

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Teri!!

                        Hey you, girlie. Life certainly sucks, doesn't it?? I know that it sure is the hardest at the most inconvient times. But we all love ya!! And that coffee on the bathroom floor doesn't sound that bad, as long as I can have my double tall vanilla latte with extra syrup. lmao But I'd rather avoid the potty-sucking guy... toilet Hope you're feeling better and keep us all posted, hun. hi

                        ~mel~
                        Life is just a cycle of brilliance and blues. I can't help it if I'm stuck in brilliance.. hehe

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Hi Teri hi GGGGGGEEEEEZZZZ girl, I feel so bad for you. I have felt rock bottom befgore and it ain't pretty. It souns like you are absolutely in despair. I worry about your vision, and wonder if maybe you outta talk to the no Godlike doc instead of fooling around with your meds. I do hope that your daughter can find you the kind of doc that you are looking for and that you need. I would love to join the bathroom coffee party! Sounds like just what you need!!! jester Teri, we are all in this together, and all in it for each other. I hurt cuz you hurt. You are such a special lady who always makes me smile when I read her posts ( well, maybe not this one) I wish you better days ahead my friend. grouphug I will keep you in my prayers angel Please post soon and let us know how you are doing! Love and hugs to you my friend...Sheri grouphug
                          Wishing you the best, today, tomorrow, and always! Sheri G

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Thanks Sheri
                            Some good things are kinda coming my way...I have found the drug that is causing all of the retention I"ve been having, only problem is I can NOT function at all with out it so, what to do now The surgery wasn't near as bad as I thought it would be so thank God for that I'm not real sure what's going to come next, I just hape its' something good for a change. I'm sick to death of all the crap being thrown my way toilet toilet

                            We have a small lake house and I can't believe how much the kid have been helping me out (the very adult 27=32 aged ones) and they are doing it without being asked. For that I am so very very grateful. We had a house full yesterday and when I dissapeared for 2 naps, the HB just explained why and no one felt the least bit slighted because of it so it's great that they are coming around!

                            It will get better. We WILL find what I need to work. I'm not ready to quit, not after all I've been thru I have found the drug that's messing with my eyes and it's one that I can take as if I'm going to stay home and one I can save till night time so I'M pretty dang lucky with that blink

                            I refuse to let this stinking disease win, I just refuse~
                            teri
                            ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
                            Courage does not always roar. Sometimes, it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow".

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              grouphug grouphug grouphug Teri, you keep on hanging in there. You sound so postive I hope you enjoy the lake house. I would love to be on the lake with ya. Keep on posting.
                              Hang in there , There is hope.
                              There is hope. Prayer works.

                              Love, Debbie

                              Comment

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