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As I hit re-dial on my phone this morning
it dawned on me, why/where can't I push the re-dial on ME cussing cussing
I am so friggin' angry and there is absoluately no one in my family to talk to because of my sister's melenoma. Crap! She's 100% in better shape than I am. Yes, she will eventually have to learn to deal with the fact that the cancer will kill her. So, Diane gets cards, gifts of pre-cooked freezer ready meals, the phone is ringing off the hook with people checking up on her. I get to know that for as long as I live, this is my life .
What do I have to look forward to dealing with? God knows how many more years of this friggin' non-stopable pain. I can't drive anymore. One of my meds is all of a sudden messing with my vision.....so I think to myself "self, which med can we give up for a couple of days so we can find out which one can be causing it"........self tried it for 3 days. The only medication I took was my HRT and antidepressant. Now, I should throw in there that I had to stay in bed for 3 days to try that. At the end of 3 days I get up because I need to join the real world once and awhile. Within an hour I was doubled over in pain. So, I take a dilaudid. Didn't touch the pain but my vision wasn't too bad. Within an hour I was doubled over again so I do a B&O and as the medication started working my vision also started messing up. Without the B&O's I'm right back in bed.
On days that I am lucky enough to leave the house I buy clothes, every trip out, I buy clothes. My HB keeps saying "why, it would take you a month to wear everything that you've got" and I always tell him, "it's for when I get better"
With each passing day I'm getting worse, not better. Last weekend was so great because I got to watch my babies play in the sand but that's all that I could do was watch. HB never took his eyes off of me because he was scared to death that I would try walking up the hill by myself. (he had to have this pointed out to him by his daughter who is actually more worried about me than he is) So, I now need help walking up and down the steps.....there ARE alot but last year I was able to do it. So here we go IC, take another bite out of me....I can't stop you so just keep on bitting.
All's I want are the little things, like being able to tell a friend lets meet for coffee tomorrow. Hell, I can't even do that cuz I don't know if I'll beable to get out of bed or off the bathroom floor. Thank God the girl who does my hair doesn't care what I look like when I come in because I've gone in on some pretty sick days and she knows when I'm like that to leave me alone and get the job done without a bunch of chit-chat.
The only good thing I've got going for me right now is having this interstim removed. At least then they can do an MRI and hopefully I will get some answers. Oh yea, another good thing, my daughter starts working at the hospital on the 18th and I told her to FIND me a dr who is considered God-like. So, hopefully I will find a GP who knows how to dx something other than "upper respitory infection" and shove more antibiotics down my throat and screw up my system a little more.
It's like accepting that I can't drive right now that's got me at a new rock bottom. Everything else has been thrown at me but I've at least had my car. Well, I'll still have my car, I just don't have the right to be driving it. HB is always saying that if I need to go somewhere he will take me. Well, that only works until I ask him cussing cussing
I HATE YOU IC.................WHY DID YOU HAVE TO COME INTO MY LIFE AND WHERE THE HE$$ IS THE REDIAL
I am so friggin' angry and there is absoluately no one in my family to talk to because of my sister's melenoma. Crap! She's 100% in better shape than I am. Yes, she will eventually have to learn to deal with the fact that the cancer will kill her. So, Diane gets cards, gifts of pre-cooked freezer ready meals, the phone is ringing off the hook with people checking up on her. I get to know that for as long as I live, this is my life .
What do I have to look forward to dealing with? God knows how many more years of this friggin' non-stopable pain. I can't drive anymore. One of my meds is all of a sudden messing with my vision.....so I think to myself "self, which med can we give up for a couple of days so we can find out which one can be causing it"........self tried it for 3 days. The only medication I took was my HRT and antidepressant. Now, I should throw in there that I had to stay in bed for 3 days to try that. At the end of 3 days I get up because I need to join the real world once and awhile. Within an hour I was doubled over in pain. So, I take a dilaudid. Didn't touch the pain but my vision wasn't too bad. Within an hour I was doubled over again so I do a B&O and as the medication started working my vision also started messing up. Without the B&O's I'm right back in bed.
On days that I am lucky enough to leave the house I buy clothes, every trip out, I buy clothes. My HB keeps saying "why, it would take you a month to wear everything that you've got" and I always tell him, "it's for when I get better"
With each passing day I'm getting worse, not better. Last weekend was so great because I got to watch my babies play in the sand but that's all that I could do was watch. HB never took his eyes off of me because he was scared to death that I would try walking up the hill by myself. (he had to have this pointed out to him by his daughter who is actually more worried about me than he is) So, I now need help walking up and down the steps.....there ARE alot but last year I was able to do it. So here we go IC, take another bite out of me....I can't stop you so just keep on bitting.
All's I want are the little things, like being able to tell a friend lets meet for coffee tomorrow. Hell, I can't even do that cuz I don't know if I'll beable to get out of bed or off the bathroom floor. Thank God the girl who does my hair doesn't care what I look like when I come in because I've gone in on some pretty sick days and she knows when I'm like that to leave me alone and get the job done without a bunch of chit-chat.
The only good thing I've got going for me right now is having this interstim removed. At least then they can do an MRI and hopefully I will get some answers. Oh yea, another good thing, my daughter starts working at the hospital on the 18th and I told her to FIND me a dr who is considered God-like. So, hopefully I will find a GP who knows how to dx something other than "upper respitory infection" and shove more antibiotics down my throat and screw up my system a little more.
It's like accepting that I can't drive right now that's got me at a new rock bottom. Everything else has been thrown at me but I've at least had my car. Well, I'll still have my car, I just don't have the right to be driving it. HB is always saying that if I need to go somewhere he will take me. Well, that only works until I ask him cussing cussing
I HATE YOU IC.................WHY DID YOU HAVE TO COME INTO MY LIFE AND WHERE THE HE$$ IS THE REDIAL
I was trying to find the redidal to tell you where it was. Oh well. Please email or pm me. I am here for you. My email is 
Sheri G
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