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  • No support from In-Laws

    I am really needing to know how to get my In-Laws to understand the pain I am? My husband is so wonderful and so supportive, but his family acts like my IC and Endometriosis is no big deal and whenever it's apparent that I am in pain they are always just like "I wonder why you are in pain today?" Well, hello, I have IC and Endometriosis, what do you expect? Oh, I'm not trying to be hateful, it's just so hard not having them understand, especially since we live very close to them and we work with them everyday. I sometimes think they are just sick of me being in pain and that they think that I am just used to all of the pain by now. I really wish my family lived close to us, they all live on the other side of the country. Does anyone have this problem? And what did you do to help the situation? Any suggestions would be great!
    "Give what you have. To someone else it may be better than you dare to think."
    -Longfellow

    History of IC, Vulvodynia, Endometriosis, Adenomyosis, Polycystic Ovaries, and Cyst's on my Spine.
    Update as of 6/27/07- Endo, Adenomyosis & Polycystic Ovaries are gone because I had a Hysterectomy in May of 2005! Still battling IC and what was thought to be Vulvodynia, now thought to be PNE.
    Meds: Paxil 40 for IC, Clonazepam 1 for Restless Leg Syndrome, Seroquel 100 for Bipolar, and pain pills as needed.

    You can find more info on me here:
    www.bellaperlina.etsy.com
    www.bellaperlina.blogspot.com

  • #2
    Hi Hillary,
    I have been married for 39 yrs., and trust me as long as your husband understands, that IS ALL that matters. Just remember that,
    If I can be any help, just let me know, I would write more, but I need to go lay down.
    I have had a bad flare for 3 weeks.
    Hugs
    Susan
    Susan
    People may not remember exactly what "you did, or what you said, but- they will always remember how you made them feel"

    Comment


    • #3
      Susan,
      Thanks for your support! You are right, all that matters is that my husband believes me. I hope you start feeling better soon!
      Hugs!
      Hillary
      kissing
      "Give what you have. To someone else it may be better than you dare to think."
      -Longfellow

      History of IC, Vulvodynia, Endometriosis, Adenomyosis, Polycystic Ovaries, and Cyst's on my Spine.
      Update as of 6/27/07- Endo, Adenomyosis & Polycystic Ovaries are gone because I had a Hysterectomy in May of 2005! Still battling IC and what was thought to be Vulvodynia, now thought to be PNE.
      Meds: Paxil 40 for IC, Clonazepam 1 for Restless Leg Syndrome, Seroquel 100 for Bipolar, and pain pills as needed.

      You can find more info on me here:
      www.bellaperlina.etsy.com
      www.bellaperlina.blogspot.com

      Comment


      • #4
        Hillary, I have a similar situation, only it's my parents who do not understand, and my mother-in-law who is loving and supportive. Like yours, my husband is also wonderful and supportive.

        Long ago, I eventually came to terms with their inability to be as supportive as I wanted or needed them to be. Luckily, I picked a husand 20+ years ago who was more sensitive and understanding than the family I was born into.

        The next time they say, "I wonder why you are in pain today?", you could genuinely reply, "Thanks for asking", then give them an informational articles on both endo and IC. It might be interesting to see their reaction and if they repeat that phrase at a later time.

        Good luck and take care of yourself. I agree with what Susan wrote, too. Hugs, Carla

        Comment


        • #5
          Carla,
          Sorry to hear that you are in the same situation. I will try your suggestion next time, I bet they won't be expecting that! Good luck to you!
          grouphug
          "Give what you have. To someone else it may be better than you dare to think."
          -Longfellow

          History of IC, Vulvodynia, Endometriosis, Adenomyosis, Polycystic Ovaries, and Cyst's on my Spine.
          Update as of 6/27/07- Endo, Adenomyosis & Polycystic Ovaries are gone because I had a Hysterectomy in May of 2005! Still battling IC and what was thought to be Vulvodynia, now thought to be PNE.
          Meds: Paxil 40 for IC, Clonazepam 1 for Restless Leg Syndrome, Seroquel 100 for Bipolar, and pain pills as needed.

          You can find more info on me here:
          www.bellaperlina.etsy.com
          www.bellaperlina.blogspot.com

          Comment


          • #6
            Hi....I have the same problem with my in-laws. I just got home from my 5th hospitalization in the past 8 months....my mother in law said that she doesn't understand that after 14 years my IC should be "healed" by now. I also have developed incontinence and get very anxious when I know they are around. My husband is very supportive of me. I would like them to live in my shoes for 1 day, which is what my doctor said! It makes me so said. I just found out how they felt. All these years I thought I had their support and understanding but the truth is they think I need to move on and "start to take care of my family that so desperately needs me." My heart hurts! Does that make sense to anyone? I feel betrayed by them. They are the only family that live by us. My family is in NY and they are very supportive. I can't explain how it hurts my heart to find out that all these years they think I should be "over it by now". I am thankful for my husband, my 2 wonderful children and my friends.....but the hurt is overwhelming.
            Tina frown

            Comment


            • #7
              Tina,
              I hate to hear that you are going through the same thing, because I know EXACTLY how you feel. My husbands step-father is a Doctor and even he feels that I am just trying to get attention. It hurts so bad to not have support from the only family that you live close to; I wish so bad that I had just one person from my family close to me. If you ever need someone to talk with you can always pm me. Good luck and feel better!
              Hillary
              grouphug
              "Give what you have. To someone else it may be better than you dare to think."
              -Longfellow

              History of IC, Vulvodynia, Endometriosis, Adenomyosis, Polycystic Ovaries, and Cyst's on my Spine.
              Update as of 6/27/07- Endo, Adenomyosis & Polycystic Ovaries are gone because I had a Hysterectomy in May of 2005! Still battling IC and what was thought to be Vulvodynia, now thought to be PNE.
              Meds: Paxil 40 for IC, Clonazepam 1 for Restless Leg Syndrome, Seroquel 100 for Bipolar, and pain pills as needed.

              You can find more info on me here:
              www.bellaperlina.etsy.com
              www.bellaperlina.blogspot.com

              Comment


              • #8
                Keep it in the back of your head that someday they could possibly have some sort of health problem. (Hopefully minor, trying to be nice. ) Then they hopefully will understand, to some degree, what we ic'ers experience.
                Hubby has always been great in the support area. But last year he got his first kidney stone. I have no doubt that he would ever question my pain again.:eek:
                I hope you can get relief soon. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.........
                Tons of support,
                Jaime

                IC angel helping families in need for the holidays. [email protected]

                Comment


                • #9
                  You're not alone!

                  This is, by far, one of the most common complaints that we see with IC patients in our support group. Yes, they don't understand and they probably never will UNTIL they either have IC or become better informed. I suggest that you buy a copy of the IC Survival Guide (available in the ICN shop) and then hand it to them the next time you see them. There is a great section on pain that you can put a post it on. Books like that are sooo credible... why the heck not use them.

                  Jill

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Jaime,
                    You live in Maryville? My husband has family there, but we haven't been there in a while. That's so crazy that there is someone on this board from Maryville, because it's not a big town. Then again, I live in Ellijay, GA now, and it's not big at all! Thanks for your support and prayers!
                    "Give what you have. To someone else it may be better than you dare to think."
                    -Longfellow

                    History of IC, Vulvodynia, Endometriosis, Adenomyosis, Polycystic Ovaries, and Cyst's on my Spine.
                    Update as of 6/27/07- Endo, Adenomyosis & Polycystic Ovaries are gone because I had a Hysterectomy in May of 2005! Still battling IC and what was thought to be Vulvodynia, now thought to be PNE.
                    Meds: Paxil 40 for IC, Clonazepam 1 for Restless Leg Syndrome, Seroquel 100 for Bipolar, and pain pills as needed.

                    You can find more info on me here:
                    www.bellaperlina.etsy.com
                    www.bellaperlina.blogspot.com

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Hillary,
                      That's so funny. We live right in town. I've been on here for years and just in the last year have come across three people who are, in some fashion, close to me. One lady I even went to Highschool with. Now if you lived close to me we could go shopping at the mall and be comfortable enough to go pee w/o getting funny looks.:p
                      I hope things look up soon with your in-laws.
                      BTw never heard of Ellijay in GA! It must be small..:eek:
                      Tons of support,
                      Jaime

                      IC angel helping families in need for the holidays. [email protected]

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Jaime,
                        Ellijay is small, very small! :eek: I grew up in Phoenix, so I am used to a big city, this small town has been an adjustment for me. I wish we were closer, I would love to have some women to go shopping with and discuss IC in person with, oh well, at least I have everyone here. Thanks for all of your support! Let's keep in contact.
                        "Give what you have. To someone else it may be better than you dare to think."
                        -Longfellow

                        History of IC, Vulvodynia, Endometriosis, Adenomyosis, Polycystic Ovaries, and Cyst's on my Spine.
                        Update as of 6/27/07- Endo, Adenomyosis & Polycystic Ovaries are gone because I had a Hysterectomy in May of 2005! Still battling IC and what was thought to be Vulvodynia, now thought to be PNE.
                        Meds: Paxil 40 for IC, Clonazepam 1 for Restless Leg Syndrome, Seroquel 100 for Bipolar, and pain pills as needed.

                        You can find more info on me here:
                        www.bellaperlina.etsy.com
                        www.bellaperlina.blogspot.com

                        Comment

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