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Pulling your spouse into therapy????

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  • Pulling your spouse into therapy????

    I've seen it, I've read it, it's been done to death on tv. My 1st marriage ended because he refused therapy....this one isn't going so great and there is no way I can get him to go either.

    I KNOW that I can't be the only one here who would LOVE to get their spouse into therapy with them....for BOTH parties. Learning to have open communication when one partner feels like crap all the time is very very hard to do without outside help.

    I would club him over the head and drag him if I thought it were possible but its NOT.

    How many others are in the same boat that I am in? I'm sure we will work this out. We always seem to. BUT, I want to beable to be totally open with my husband and I want the same from him, instead we attack. I'm sick of attacking. And then, I come here, and others come here and the answer is 'get into therapy'

    In AA we have a saying "the defination of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results".

    Instead of suggesting 'therapy', which most of us would do in a heart beat, lets start supporting those of us, including me, who have spouses that refuse to go. (please, no suggestions that I seek help, already doing it)

    Maybe I should have put this on the vent board but it ended up here.

    hugs to all
    Courage does not always roar. Sometimes, it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow".

  • #2
    Back in the "olden days" I was secretary to a marriage counselor. It's not at all unusual for only the wife to go for counselling --- and amazingly it helps. I'm glad you are taking this step.

    Sending a warm supporting hug,
    Stay safe

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    • #3
      In my nieve opinion, I was just about to mention what Donna said.

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      • #4
        I suppose it sounds good in theory, to have joint counseling, but it doesn't necesarily work.
        I am not sure what works with us. I am so sick of being sick, and so tired of my husband's explosive temper, that I kicked him out two nights ago.
        He finally went to see the shrink himself today.
        Who the heck knows what the results of That will be.??

        There just doesn't seem to be much in the way of answers. It is helpful to go on your own. At least there is someone who might be able to give some help.
        I have been in theapy for so long, I figure the only person who really knows me is my shrink.

        Hit and past 60 yrs old. Now 64
        Married: with
        2 adult kids......33yrs male, 30 female.

        DX: about 1982: chrontic urethritis, then IC, then Pelvic pain syndrome. (whatever)

        Meniere's disease, Now 90% loss of balance nerve on left side, inner ear. BPPV, GAD
        IBS (whole life)

        Given up going to Urologist...last one asked me what I wanted him to do for me.


        • #5
          Maybe they (men) will think that it will knock down the manly side of them if they seek help. I know for me he ws against it at first but then he realized how close we were to tearing up the family that he agreed to it. now I just think of it as our "montly tune up"


          • #6
            {{{{Oh Teri}}}}!

            You have been through so much, it must be very hard to feel helpless again. I know you have been down this road before, but it sounds like you want it to be a more permanent solution. I am not going to preach here...however i do agree with Donna, and I just posted to someone else in a similar "hubby refuses" situation.

            I think if you do it for yourself even if he won't go, it will be tremendous help and perhaps through your gain, he too will realize something is worth saving here.

            I think it could be good time to also deal with your grief, which never helps when things are down. You made peace with your sister and that was huge. Perhaps it is time to make peace with yourself.

            I don't think you are venting at all and I think you have mellowed so much, that you are merely reaching out.

            I am sorry if this is not the advice you are seeking.

            I think of you often!!!

            Tons of hugs!!
            "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
            Eleanor Roosevelt, This Is My Story, 1937


            • #7
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              • #8
                Hi, I can realte although I have no idea what the solution is. I have been begging my hubby to go into therapy with me for the Ic, for the depression, for anything really but he would not budge. He told me he is divorcing me about 2 weeks ago and right before I began my nerve blocks too! Now I am at my parents going through the blocks, and he has not even called, his last words to me were, "your not even sick,, you just make it all up" So I am glad to be getting free of the *******. It sounds like you still love your hubby though and I wish you the best. Ic is tough and men, well I just think they suck right now anyway, looking forward to being able to focus on getting some relief instead of doing his laundry , housework and cooking only to have him yell at me for feeling bad. Good luck and God bless