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need advice about sister's wedding

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  • need advice about sister's wedding

    Hi everyone. I am so sick still since this started for me 11 months ago, in fact I'm much worse and all I have to show from the 11 months is a resistent yeast infection
    Anyway I really don't think I can go to my sister's wedding next month. I am just too physically uncomfortable and emotionally it'll be too heart-wrenching for me. I know this sounds selfish but it is true. My parents will probably be mad at me forever if I don't go; they think I am "self-absorbed". I just wish they could understand what hell I'm going through. People have suggested why don't you just go to walk down the aisle and go home but it's not that easy because once I'm going it's a full day event with the hair and makeup and pictures etc. and trying to get into a dress (with nylons!) when I can barely wear sweatpants. I don't know how to handle this. I really thought I'd be better by now and at my sister's wedding I'd be celebrating my return to the world. I don't know how to deal with this and I don't know how to tell my sister and deal with the fallout from the rest of my family. I wish they'd stop making me feel GUILTY all the time like any of this is my choice. Of course my sister is the perfect daughter - she has everything and I have nothing. I don't think this makes me selfish. Any advice?

  • #2
    Hi Lm. I feel a lot of similar feelings when I go out in public. I really understand that part of what you're saying. I just have a few ?'s. Do you have to travel a long distance to her wedding? Do you feel comfortable wearing a longer(to the ankles) type of column dress (I mean one that is not form fitting and goes straight down)? Ya' know it is very fashionable to not wear any pantyhose with a dress--and who'd know if it were long to the ankles anyway? Or you could wear those thigh high pantyhose. I know how much you don't want to go. But, you really need to try really hard to go. Make it a goal for yourself. I know you feel horrible--but what's the difference if you're sitting at the church feeling horrible or at home? The difference is that your sister and family would really care if you were not there. I can't tell you what to do---you have to decide on your own. Just stay for the wedding and leave soon after--your family knows you feel ill, even if they don't seem like theydo. If they don't seem to understand, it's because they don't and they feel helpless and scared.
    But, if you really aren't well enough to go, then you aren't. I hope you figure this all out and start to feel better--I am sorry for all your misery. But, deep down, I know a family wedding is a very important event and you deserve to be a part of it--it's the quality, not the quantity of your time there. I hope somewhere in all my babbling something helped you. Best of Luck! Bye!


    • #3
      LM-my son got married last Sept and I had all of the same feelings that you are having now. I found out that they make nylons with elastic on the top, so no crotch irratation All the things that I worried so much about, never came to be. I took my pain meds just before the ceremony - found out where the bathroom was and a way out if I needed to use the potty and it wouldn't draw too much attention to myself, and I promised myself that I could leave AT ANY TIME....well, we ended up being the last ones out of the hall. I had such a great time.
      I had a long talk with my son before the day of the wedding so that we had everything smoothed out in case I didn't last thru dinner and he was very understanding.
      I think the anxiety of the wedding had me in such a physical state that all's I did was flare for the month before, but on that day, I was actually okay......
      What ever you decide to do, I think you should talk to your sister, maybe print out some of these post for her to read and work it out with's between you and her, not your mother.
      For me, I'm really glad that I did go to my son's wedding and ended up having a great time. BUT, remember, I gave myself permission to leave at any time and that took alot of pressure off
      Hugs ~ Teri
      Courage does not always roar. Sometimes, it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow".


      • #4
        I wasn't going to post a reply but after reading the other responses I felt I could offer you some support. I have really bad IC and I too have often have trouble even wearing cotton thin sweat like pants and long tees to cover my belly. My husbands best friend got married 9/99 and he was our best man in 96. I was scared to death and thought I could not make it but I really wanted to go and my hubby was the best man so I didnt want him to have no one and he hates to do "family" things without me. I was able to wear a dress and pantyhose. I got them a size bigger than normal and took lots of pain meds. We did not go with the limo but took our vehicle and that way I could lie on pillows and rest in between the things hubby had to do. I could open my dress in the car because it was a hook and eye and luckily back then my belly was not so big and I had lost weight for it. I cant sit so I ordered a satin black pillowcase from victorias secret with chenille trim and got a small seat sized peice of nimbus foam from the upholstery store and carried it like it was part of my outfit. It matched my black shoes! I made it thru the night and even had some fun. I did max out on my drugs though. And I paid for it for a week after. But it was worth it!!! Also, my aunt & uncle had a 60th anniversary in march in ny i'm in NJ. 40+miles away. I was sooo scared i was much worse and I went to the mall to Elisabeth large sizes from liz claiborne. I spent 6 hours of shop a nd running to the potty in the one store but i finally founf (on clearance!) a jumpsuit. Normally you would think thats the last thing an ICer would want with all our potty trips. However! I bought it because it had a drawstring waist, no elastic and a pretty black fabvric with silver threads in itr. all dressy from xmas but the material can go year round. I mathed it with a "jacket" that was the new style with one hook at the top so it was really quick to open. The jumpsuit had a jipper in the back which was not bad to get open. I wore knee highs and everyone loved the outfit. It was cute. I wore it on my second excursion to NYC.Hubby won free tickert to broadway which i used to love to go to. I planned my potty stops with him ahead of time and managed. my family was all happy I made it. My aunt wrote in her gift thanks and I was heroic to make the tripp. I think if you use all our advice re clothing transportation and potty planning you too will be able to do it. If your family does not "get it" dont let them get you down . They may be scared or not but you will be brave if you go. You must tell it to your self or come to this site after for support! I am still glad I got out and did it. I have been house/couch bound for most of 2 yrs. These memories make me happy and I am stronger for having "conquered" and won over my fears and this darn IC. Best of luck! And know that if the day of it you are in no shape, tell your family ahead of time that they will have to understand that you cant do it. I think you can if you plan in advance. One last thing, at my wedding, I had a room for the bride where (before I got IC) my 94 yr old grandmother could lie down. Ask your sister if there is a couch in such a room for you if you need it for a break. Ange


        • #5
          Please go, you will always regret it if you dont. As for the nylons.....go to victoria's secret and get garters and knee highs.....anyway your hubbie will like them when you are up to well you know....hehe. Lie down as much as you can, stay near the bathroom and go at timed intervials. Pick a time that is best for you and go then. (every 20 mins etc) call your doc and ask for something to help you through the day, but not make you a zombie....something to keep the pain at a reasonable level. Tell your sister that you need to have rest breaks and could someone else do a lot of the bridesmaid stuff for you. Maybe a helper of some sort. Have a great time. Lisa
          God is our refuge and strength, an ever present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging......The LORD Almighty is with us the GOD of Jacob is our fortress." Psalm 46:1-3,7

          May God bless our nation


          • #6
            My husband and I attended a wedding yesterday evening, along with our daughter and son-in-law. The ceremony and reception were a 2 1/2 hour drive from home and we made the round trip the same day. I bought an ankle length two-piece dress with elastic waist and long overblouse and wore knee-highs. And, yes, I am in a major flare and took pain medications every four hours all day yesterday and still was painful by the time we left the reception. It was my husband's cousin who was being married and we are her closest family. The bride was thoroughly delighted and we had to pose with the couple for pictures (unexpected). It really meant a lot to her and in spite of the fact that I am exhausted and still painful this morning I am glad we went. If it's at all possible, please try to attend your sister's wedding. You will never regret it.
            Sending healing hugs,
            Stay safe

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            • #7
              LM- oh man, I know how you feel- I was there and it's not pretty. I got the same **** yeast body takeover after all those anti-biotics. The anti-biotics kill the good bacteria too which is like hanghing out a welcome mat for the yeast! Here is what I did and I don't know if this will help you in time for your sister's wedding- it took eight months for it to totally work with me but the real itchy yeast stuff was gone way faster than that. I took pro-biotics. There are lots of good brands out there- check out your local health store or vitamin shop. They work and they don't give you infections- the just restore the good bacteria. Besides, if you're like me at all you took anti-biotics when there was really no evidence of infection which is really the very best way to invite all that yeast but even if you do have a real infection, the anti-biotics kill the good guys too. They can't help it- they are not discriminating creatures. As for the wedding, during the bad stuff I attended weddings only when I could wear what I chose even if that meant I couldn't be in the wedding. That way I could wear a long skirt with nothing underneath and nobody was the wiser for it!