Has Anyone else felt this way?

[songbird7]

Hi,
I am ashamed to say this but sometimes it is so difficult when my family doesn't understand my limitations. I found myself actually jealous of people without IC. I am ashamed of these feelings. For a brief moment I pictured a family member having IC just for a day so they would finally understand. Sometimes they take for granted the little chores I can manage to do once in awhile. I am embarassed by my feelings and ashamed. Have any of you here thought similar things in a moment of frustration with IC? Of course I don't want anyone to have IC. Maybe Adolf Hitler if he were still alive but that's it. Even people who have been downright mean to me I don't want them to have IC.
I'd appreciate anything you have to say about this. I feel so bad for thinking that even for a second. I could only admit such a thing here. And it was just a passing thought, not something I wanted to see in reality. It's just so frustrating sometimes.
hugs,
Songbird

[Dianne]

Feelings aren't good or bad. They just are. Same with thoughts. It's my actions I'm responsible for and as long as I'm not acting on the less desirable thoughts/feelings, no problem. I can relate. I'm in line to inherit a sizable amount and sometimes I find myself wishing the process would hurry up which has alarmed me, but then I just step back (mentally) and remind myself what I really want is enough financial security that I could cut down to half-time because working full-time with IC is too much for me. It's not that I want anyone dead. I just want relief. And those bizarre thoughts that originate from my desperation need never be shared with any family members. Those are sacred only to be shared with a safe friend or here, but never with the people involved less I be misinterpreted. I was very relieved to learn that thoughts and feelings aren't good or bad and that I was only responsible for my actions. That I can handle.

[Lady J]

It's okay Songbird. Dont be hard on yourself- your feelings are so understandable and yes I've had them too. For me it generaly comes up with my husband's family and how they are look down on me for having health issues. My husband's father actually said to him "how could you have married her with health problems???!!" He has been far from compassionate and very judgmental and it has upset me so. Now that he is faced with his son's infertility and it being from a birth defect, he doesn't know which way is up. I guess what I'm saying is that fear motivates people to judge and to not be compassionate and I totally understand how much that can hurt. Wishing ill on someone is just a normal defensive hurt feeling and it isn't going to hurt anyone as long as you can not judge yourself.

[SusanC]

Songbird,
I like what Dianne said and LadyJ, too. Since I've found out that stress increases my IC, I've had to let thoughts be thoughts and let other people's opinions roll off my back.

It's the only way I can stand it sometimes. I do admit to the same as you, though. There have been times when I've thought for just a moment that I wish my doc, husband, son, in-laws, felt what I feel for just a few minutes, and then they'd HAVE to understand! But they won't until they can and they are ready too.

It seems that humans judge one another. I'm trying to do better at that myself, just to get better. Does that make me a bad person?

Songbird, I love your website. It's so peaceful and creative!! you should be proud.

One other site that helped me a lot was the invisible disabilities one. It's listed somewhere on the boards under a post called Websites in the Off-Topic Discussions board. I intend to send for some of the pamphlets to give to some people whom I know are trying to understand.

I choose to believe that they just don't know what to say, yet are as frustrated as we are. Then they say and/or do the wrong things. They really don't mean to hurt us. I truly believe that.

You're in my thoughts,
Susan



[This message has been edited by SusanC (edited 05-15-2000).]

[BrendaD]

Sounds perfectly normal to me! The best thing you can do is own up to your true feelings which you are doing. It's when people try to deny their feelings that it causes problems. Your feelings are perfectly legitimate and normal. It's part of wanting others to be able to understand even just a little of what we go through. We are such "sitting ducks" for those who put on their "inferiority" hats. And it's frustrating to see others being able to take their health for granted when we suffer so much on a minute by minute basis. In the end, we can only have an effect on those who really care to listen, and as for those who don't care to listen -- well I pity them for being such uncompassionate and uncaring human beings.

[Michelle in KC]

I really KNOW where you are coming from. Yesterday at my Mom's house. Mom, Grandma, my sister, me, spouses and children. Too much family, too much stress and my bladder had finally had it. (Of course, it could have been the strawberries!) {laugh, I know you want to!} I went in and laid in my mother's bed from 3:30 to 5:30. I fell asleep, too! But I could hear my Mom and Grandma talking about my bladder problems, etc. downstairs. Grandma has no clue. Thankfully, Mom understands. {{{hugs!}}}
Michelle.

[christina]

I understand totally, songbird! My mother in law lives in a basement apartment we built for her in our house. It works really well for her but it isn't so hot for me when I am sick because she has NEVER had a chronic illness in all her life. She doesn't understand pain every day, so sometimes she says the wrong things when I am feeling my worst. Like "Are you sick AGAIN" lol I have to laugh or I think I would just deck her.
It's alright to have thoughts just don't act on them. You will be the better person for it.
Lots of hugs,
christina

[songbird7]

Thank you everyone so much!!!!! I feel much better now. I thought I was this terrible person for thinking such things. Now I can accept my feelings.
To everyone here, a BIG hug ((((((( ))))))))
Songbird
P.S. There are some new stories on my poetry page with graphics, as long as my website was mentioned. This is my service to others to create a peaceful place:
www.best.com/~songbird