How to handle Interstim-hostile sister

[rjyoon]

My sister is violently opposed to me having Interstim & thinks she can 'cure' me with the supplement powder she's selling. I had enough of her yelling at me, so I quit telling her what's going on. She doesn't know that I'm having Interstim surgery on Feb. 4th, and that's the day she's picked to be on her way through town. I didn't say anything about seeing her, so she probably thought that was weird. She'll be on the return trip on the 8th & wants to stop by. I'm trying to decide whether to tell her & get the yelling over with before she comes, or just surprise her when she gets here. Mean? Yes, but I prefer avoiding conflict. I think I'll have someone else in the house when she gets here so she doesn't get too crazy. Any other ideas on how to handle this? She doesn't accept that it's my body & my decision, and she's never bothered to learn anything about IC.

[Teri]

If she didn't care about you, she wouldn't be getting so upset so bear that in mind. YES, it is your body and YES, you have the right, without her permission to have the treatment you choose to have done and maybe someday down the road you will be willing to try it her way but if you can not avoid her, just tell her that you love her and that on this subject, you will have to agree to dis-agree but you refuse to get into a hollaring match with her.......

I've been here on the ICN for 5 years now and it's SO great for me to learn that everyone else has the same screwed up relatives that I have

tons and tons of gentle hugs~

[rjyoon]

I should add that the supplement she sells includes an ingredient that sets off major IC flares for me. I'm not willing to try it again!

[curlycue]

I wish you good luck with what ever dicision you make. I also do not like conflict. I would probably not tell her until I had the procedure done but that is my opinion. Good Luck and I will be praying that everthing works out with that on the 4th of Febuary.

Curly :cool:

[jaime15]

Some people just never give up. She does love you and yelling...well isn't that what our sisters are put on Earth for?
Mine was sooo into learning about IC when I was first dx'ed. Now it's just an annoyance to her that I can't be there anymore to see her kids play their sports.
I agree with you you should tell her when someone is with you. Nobody should tell you what to do. And just tell her the stuff she's selling could come up later and cause some kind of health problem in certain people. We just never know. blink
Hugs to you!!! grouphug

[ICNDonna]

I think I would probably wait until after the procedure to tell her. And if you have someone with you, it might be easier for you to remain calm and tell her the subject is closed --- and begin a discussion about something else.

Sending an encouraging hug,
Donna

[ICNJess]

That stinks. But I guess if it were me, I'd wait.

[Susan2]

What I did with my 2 siters was be very honest about what I was going through. Going to the bathroom so much, etc.....
After I explained it all to both of them, they are both on my side to get the Insterim. They know I cannot attend anything like traveling to see them etc...
HUGS
Susan

[littlebear]

Hi Rjyoon, in addition to all the good advice you've gotten already, it sounds like you've had a pretty good sense of how to handle the situtation from the getgo (plus, you've got enough going on because of the withdrawl from your meds without adding even more tension to that naturally stressful time before and after surgery). I'm wondering if you've thought about taking your sister to a follow up appointment with your physician after your trial and, during a portion of the visit, letting your Dr. explain it all to her and talk it through with her (protien powder and all)? In the end, it may be that you'll just have to agree to disagree (and that you'll need to count your sister out as a source of support). But, from what you've posted, it sounds like you're right about not wanting to discuss the interstim with her yourself, nobody should have to defend their medical choices. Best wishes, little bear

PS I actually logged on to respond to your message about your withdrawl symptoms. I'm so sorry they're so severe. I hope that they go away soon! Best of luck with the rest of your countdown!

[jen75]

Rjyoon,

I'm not sure how well your sister listens to you, since it sounds like she is very opinionated. However if you think you can get a word in edgewise you might want to try the feel-felt-found trick. It goes something like this...first you want to appeal to the way she feels. Like, I know you feel strongly about your supplements and are very opposed to Interstim. Then you move on to felt...Something like I know other people have felt the same way you do about this procedure. Then move on to found...Let her know you've done your homework and stand firm that you've made the choice you feels best for you. After researching Interstim I've found that this is the best therapy to treat my symptoms of IC. If she continues to try to sell you on the idea of supplements that you aren't interested in tell her to research IC especially from the angle that we have to be very careful about what we take, as somethings can bother the lining of our bladder or something. Stand firm. Let her know that agreeing to disagree is an option.

:p Good Luck

Jen

[rjyoon]

My sister lives over 500 miles away & will just be passing through town, so taking her to a doctor's appointment isn't possible. She really isn't a agree-to-disagree sort of person. She wants me (& our parents) to do things her way.

Jen 75, I'd never heard about the feel-felt-found approach before. Thanks for telling me about it.

My mom decided to tell my sister that I'm having surgery, after I asked her not to. I feel very betrayed by her action, and it's not the first time that she's decided to ignore what I've asked for in terms of support & to do whatever she wants. I basically melted down yesterday (this drug withdrawal is horrible) & ended up screaming at my mom on the phone for the second time in my life. I've sent an email to my sister to tell her not to come visit; I just can't handle it. I'm not going to communicate with my parents for awhile, as it's just too hard.

[jen75]

Ryjoon,

Sometimes friends and family can be at best toxic. It's too bad they are not supporting your decision and respecting your wishes. If you need a sounding board let me know!

Glad you liked the feel-felt-found thing...LOL it's one of the few leftovers I have from what used to be a career

Jen