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Are there "TRIGGER" words in your house?

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  • #31
    That's FUNNY [img]biggrin.gif[/img] "maybe you will stop thinking about your bladder".....haven't studies showed that men think about sex once every 8 minutes or something really really stupid like that <img src="graemlins/cussing.gif" border="0" alt="[cussing]" /> <img src="graemlins/cussing.gif" border="0" alt="[cussing]" />

    And, I'm taken ALOT of vacations and MY bladder and all of it's problems ALWAYS go with me, no matter how much fun I'm having <img src="graemlins/toilet.gif" border="0" alt="[toilet]" />
    Courage does not always roar. Sometimes, it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow".


    • #32
      Wow...I thought I would chime in on this, but since I'm a member of the sex being bashed I don't think I stand a chance. I sure hope my wife doesn't feel this way about me. <img src="graemlins/eek.gif" border="0" alt="[eek]" />



      • #33
        Well, Jeremy, as long as you aren't holding her down on the bed and claiming it's all in her head you're probably safe. [img]wink.gif[/img]

        I think that there are a lot of guys out there who are primarily worried about how IC affects them, and not at all concerned about how it affect their wives or girlfriends.

        My husband is the perfect man and has worked very hard to learn about what it is that I'm going through. He got rid of judgmentalism very early and takes impecable care of me. He's just wonderful.

        I'm sure you're a husband like that. [img]smile.gif[/img] And plenty of wives I know suck. I'm sure their husbands sit around and talk about "the shrew" or whatever.

        You're just getting a glimps into female unhapiness. I'm sure they didn't mean that all guys are horrible, just the ones that these people specifically need to depend on and who aren't being understanding or dependable.

        <img src="graemlins/grouphug.gif" border="0" alt="[grouphug]" />

        Do you have IC or does your wife or daughter or something? I'm sure that healthy wives can be just as blind to the pain as healthy husbands can.

        <img src="graemlins/hi.gif" border="0" alt="[hi]" /> Hi! [img]smile.gif[/img]


        • #34
          I have IC and my wife has muscular dystrophy and TMJ, so we both have to be very patient with each other when we have flare-ups.

          The one thing I've noticed about our relationship compared to our friends who have the same type problems listed here is that one or both members of their relationship does not treat the other with respect in some fashion or another (leaving socks on the floor, asking about the other's daily activities, not giving praise, not giving attention, etc.) The one being disrespected allows it to happen, figuring it won't happen again, and it happens again, they don't nip it in the bud, figuring it won't happen again, and the cycle continues.

          Several years later, the person being disrespected all those years finally gets tired of it and expects the other person to change thier "habit" immediately when they should have been demanding it all along. We are creatures of habit and it's very hard to stop habits (i.e. drinking, smoking, doing drugs...leaving your socks on the floor can become just as easy)

          Yes, we're adults and should have more respect for each other than this, but each of us has to have respect for ourselves first and EXPECT it from our partners.

          Jeremy (Jumping off his soapbox, now) [img]redface.gif[/img]


          • #35

            I completely agree. My husband and I talk regularly and are very vocal about what it is that we need. And sometimes, if there's a habit that we didn't realize was creating a problem we will start of the conversation, "This is going to be my change, and it's not going to be fair. I don't expect you to go back and undo what's be going on, but I need to ask for you to help me change something."

            Conversations are the most important thing. And the most important aspect of our marriage is the respect and the love. Everyone has moments where they don't particularly like their spouse, but if the respect is there an ugly cycle of dismissivness won't build up.

            It sounds like your marriage is a very good one. [img]smile.gif[/img] I'm happy for you.


            • #36
              We do have a very good marriage. Recently, we celebrated our 10th Anniversary, but things haven't always been rosey. The first 5 or 6 years were very difficult. We were very young when we married. I was 18 and she was almost 21. We were still changing as people and there were things changing about me that she didn't like and there were things about her that I didn't like.

              Regardless what anyone thinks, marriage and love is not like the movies. It takes work on both sides to make it work. The one thing that helped our relationship out the most was learning to not make a big deal out of the little things; for instance, how a person folds or hangs clothes, the order of how they get ready for work in the morning, their favorite phrase that they have for every situation, or maybe their pet name they call you that you can't stand.

              Each party has to have respect for the other in every situation. When you are doing something you have to think, "Will this bother my spouse". If the answer is yes, you shouldn't do it. Each party has to make concessions and compromise. You can't always have it your way.

              Each party needs to make sure that the other person knows they care about them. Life is hectic. We are busy people. We spend a lot of time at work, with the kids, paying bills, and cleaning house. Sometimes it's very difficult to find time for the "one" we love. We have to make time.

              I learned all this "IN" my marriage, not before. I have screwed up a lot. I have forgotten important dates. I have said the wrong thing at the wrong time, but I worked on it. I sincerely asked for forgiveness from my wife. I sent her flowers at work for no reason at all. I mail her cards at work for no reason at all.

              The funny thing is, I still screw up. I still say the wrong thing at the wrong time and I still sincerely ask for forgiveness, and I probably always will, but it's all a part of the job of being her husband. Her love is my payment, and sometimes I think I get paid too much.


              • #37
                Jeremy, all I can say is that your wife is a very lucky lady to have a man like you!!!!!
                My husband does not understand ANYTHING about this disease, and I mean ANYTHING.
                He will demand sex from me, even though I have told him a million times that it hurts me something awful. He tells me that I am nothing but a drug addict and that IT could not possibly hurt as bad as I say it does.
                I have given tons of stuff too read on IC, but it does not even phase him one little bit. If I had somewhere to go believe me I would, but I don't.
                Sorry to be such a downer, but sometimes it just really gets to me especially when I know that their are some great guys out there.


                • #38

                  I have several "friends", and I use that term lightly, that are that way with their wives that don't have IC. It's difficult for those women to deal with, so I couldn't imagine what it's like to deal with a man who demands sex from a woman who has IC. It sickens me that I'm actually in the same gender with men like this. It gives men a bad name and that is why some women, especially on this board as I've noticed, have a very poor opinion of all men in general. Keep your head up and know that there are men out there who care about more important things than sex. I apologize for my gender to all women who have to go through this. [img]frown.gif[/img] <img src="graemlins/grouphug.gif" border="0" alt="[grouphug]" />



                  • #39
                    Jeremy~I really like the term you used "disrespect". That's what it all boils down to. I have a husband who "WORKS SO HARD FOR A LIVING" and when he walks in the house it like a 4 year old has come to visit, only I can't sit his fanny in the time out bench! I remind him constantly that the diswasher is directly below where he constantly puts dirty glasses etc and I REFUSE to clean his bathroom anymore and he said "SO"'s a nightmare. He thinks that since I'm home all day he should walk into a hot meal and a clean house. YEP, in your dreams buddy! Hard to reach my kitchen from the couch! He didn't use to be like this. Up until a couple of years ago he was the greatest. Not sure what bug crawled up his fanny but I hope it finds it's way out [img]biggrin.gif[/img]

                    SUSIE the day sex is DEMANDED in this house is the day he moves out. I am sick but I'm not crippled (yet anyways [img]wink.gif[/img] and that sob would be gone so fast he wouldn't know what hit him! I sure do hope that you can work this out with him. I know that for years I tried to get mine to read stuff about IC and he just wasn't going for it. So, I started printing up some of the posts and that did help.....tons of hugs~
                    Courage does not always roar. Sometimes, it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow".


                    • #40
                      Hello Everyone,
                      This is my first here and I am very happy to have found you all. I have no one to talk to anymore since all of my friends and my husband ignore me now that I am sick. When I do talk to them, God forbid I try to talk about the constant pain I am in or what kind of treatments I am going through, etc, etc. And since it feels like someone is sticking a knitting needle with a pick axe attched to it, up my ureathra, Or when I have to go into the bathtub 10 times a day to urinate. It can be at times hard to talk about anything else. If on the very rare occasion I speak to someone and they do bring it up. They really don't want to hear an honest answer. So I try to act like everything is fine. I think the silence and the fact that the people I care about ignore a disease that has taken every bit of who I once was away, is worse than any trigger words anyone could speak.

                      I am so glad I found all of you.


                      • #41
                        <img src="graemlins/hi.gif" border="0" alt="[hi]" /> Christine,

                        Welcome. I am only a week into my membership here, but you will find a lot of people who have love for others on this board. I feel a pain deep in my stomach after reading your post. To me, silence is worse than anything. I would rather be arguing than to get the silent treatment.

                        I'm no expert, by any means, but it sounds like you need to find yourself a support group. You sound like you just really need someone who will listen. I know there are categories for your region on this board. I suggest posting a message there asking about support groups in your area. There has to be someone from New York who comes here regularly that could point you in the right direction to find one. Good luck and keep your head up!



                        • #42
                          Christine, now you are in a circle of friends that care about you! We may all have different symptoms, ways of dealing with IC and may not always have the perfect words but just always know we care. <img src="graemlins/angel.gif" border="0" alt="[angel]" /> Jo Ellen


                          • #43

                            You sound like a really great guy and very "enlightened". I'm also blessed to have a great guy for a husband. He does not expect me to do a darn thing if I am having a bad day. We made an agreement when we were first married. He would earn the money necessary to make the house run and I would do the work in the house to keep it up. When I first came down with this terrible disease and was in such awful pain, he supported me completely and has continued to do so. Yes, I do know just how blessed I am. If I didn't, just reading these posts in this topic has proven it to me.

                            I was just wondering, Jeremy. Since you are the one in your marriage who has IC, would you concider posting what it is like for you? I was just thinking that maybe if another man writes it all down, then these others who are not involved with the pain of IC might become enlightened and therefore, more supportive of their wives. Knowledge is power.

                            Just a suggestion...Sharon

                            Shopping??? Did someone mention shopping? I'll get my hat... ;-)

                            Where I can be found most days.

                            Link to the ICN Patient Handbook:

                            Link to the IC Diet:

                            IC Volunteers are not medical authorities nor do we offer medical advice. In all cases, we strongly encourage you to discuss your medical treatment with your personal medical care provider. Only they can, and should, give medical recommendations to you.


                            • #44
                              Jeremy & Terri,
                              I just wanted to say thanks for answering my post. I always feel so alone with this disease it really does suck.
                              Jeremy, I liked the idea that Sharon suggested if you have the time, maybe I could get my husband to read it, its worth a try anyway.



                              • #45
                                Well...let me see. I've posted this somewhere before, so I'll try to be as brief as I can.

                                I feel I was born with IC. As a child, I had the neverending saga of urinary tract infections, bladder infections and I wet the bed almost every night until I was about 13; give or take. From that point on, my be wetting slowly diminished to almost never by the time I was an adult, but I still had the urinary tract and bladder infection problems, regularly.

                                As an adult, everything seemed to be fine other than the infections until about 3 1/2 to 4 years ago when I started getting this sudden urge to urinate about 15-20 times a day. It doesn't hurt most of the time (except for after intercourse when it really burns sometimes), but it's very uncomfortable. I have no control over what direction it goes, how hard it flows, and how many streams I have. No matter whether I've just relieved myself or not, I have this constant mild pressure at the base of my penis and lower stomach, like I could go right now, but when I actually "have" to go, the pressure is immense.

                                My urine has a very dark color most of the time and it has a very stagnant odor. Three years ago, when I had my first cystoscopy, my urologist told me that when I urinate, my bladder does not empty completely and it stales in my bladder. He told me this was the reason for the color, odor and infections.

                                Over the last year or so, I have started having problems getting and/or keeping an erection. Sometimes "it" just disappears in the middle of intercourse, which is disheartening to my wife and discouraging and embarrassing to me.

                                I didn't follow up with my urologist for several years after the first several visits. My wife understands it's medical, but is frustrated because I haven't done anything about it until recently. (In reference to my earlier posts...not taking care of myself medically is one of my bad habits that I am trying to change).

                                Anyway, as you can see, this affects all parts of my life, but my symptoms, compared to what others have to deal with, are very mild. I couldn't imagine constant burning, lower back pains, and all the other problems that some of these folks on this board have to endure every day of their lives. I have the utmost respect for each and every person that wakes up in the morning and lives their lives the best that they can, even though there are times when they would rather be dead. I applaud you all. <img src="graemlins/angel.gif" border="0" alt="[angel]" />