Thoughts on Marriage and IC

[emeralds333]

A late night tonight and so I thought I'd write a little. I've really been having alot of thoughts about how IC affects our relationships, with husbands, with kids, friends and everyone.

I was married for 13 years to an awful man. A very abusive relationship and I couldn't be more thankful for finding the strength to get out. Couldn't be more sad that he gets visitation with my older three children and is "so not good for them". ~sigh~

But a few years ago I met a wonderful man. He's younger than I am and that had me leary, and last year when I found out I was pregnant (WHILE on the pill), it was so stressful. We got married but both didn't think the relationship would last. Too many problems (mostly probably that I was still dealing with issues with men because of my marriage to my ex-husband) and we agreed we'd stay together till after the baby was born and then "re-evaluate".

I am so thankful and thrilled that as bad as the marriage started, it has turned completely around and I could not love him more than I do. I don't even know how it happened but a few months into the marriage we both realized how connected we were, how deeply in love, etc........I love this man more than anything. I'm so thankful for him. Wish so much I'd met him before I ever married my ex-husband but realize if I hadn't had such a bad marriage, such an abusive one, I probably wouldn't appreciate my new husband for how wonderful he really is. Life is funny that way sometimes, isn't it?

Anyway.........I'm sorry this is so long! My husband is wonderful and he's so supportive of me with this IC. He's been to every dr visit I've had but one and "reads up on it" as much as possible, really does his best to make life easier for me where I need it to be. But bless his heart, whenever I flare he will immediately think it's his fault. Stress is a big factor with mine, I always land in a flare when I have too much stress, but if we've had a squabble or anything, he will immediately take the blame. And it isn't his fault most of the time. Alot of times it's "eating something bad", "right before my period", etc......that sends me into the flare. But he will immediately blame himself for every one. No matter how much I deny that's what caused it.

Anybody else have this problem? It's hard enough to be married with this disease but when the other person always feels it's their fault, it worries me.

It's not a major in my life. We've been married a year this month and are so happy together. I love him so much. But I worry about him taking the blame for alot of these flares.........

Thanks for listening. You all mean so much to me. grouphug

[auntiedeb]

grouphug grouphug grouphug Thankyou for sharing. It sounds like you have a wonderful man and his self esteem must be low if he is blaming himself for your flares. What a great guy going to the drs with you and researching ic. I am single and hope someday to meet a guy like yours. I do hope you feel better. Just take it one day at a time. I will be praying for you.

[ICNDonna]

I think it would be a good idea to talk with a marriage counselor. And if your husband doesn't want to go, go alone.

Warm hugs,
Donna

[ICNJess]

Hey Emeralds--

Sounds like you've got a good hubby! I always say that everything happens for a reason. Anyways, maybe you should sit him down and tell him that a flare is NEVER his fault--our bodies are strange, and the bladder has a mind of it's own!! Hubby sounds sensitive--which can be a good thing, but just let him know he has no control over what your bladder wants to do.

Hugs,
Jess

[CoyoteMystro]

Ahhh, he researches on it and everything, that's so cute. So glad that you've found happiness with another guy after such a bad experience before. Love is so cute.

I'd imagine that he always takes the blame because it hurts him so to see you in pain and he personally blames himself because there's nothing he can do help you. Or at least that's how I am with friends I talk to online, whenever they're not feeling good, I feel quilty because I can't do anything to help them.

Anyways, best of luck on resolving this little bump in the road.

[emeralds333]

Thanks so much everyone. I need to sit him down and explain that to him.....that it's not his fault if I'm flaring. And somehow I need to get it through to him.

We are exhausted. Indiana got tons of rain over the weekend and my basement ended up with 5 inches of water in it. The entire basement, the FINISHED basement. So we've been pulling out water, carpets, everything.......so much loss. I'm praying we can claim it on our homeowners. The inspector is coming out tomorrow night. Cross your fingers!

[Katrina]

Just so you know, those close to us can help us. And they usually do. Just by being ther, caring, praying, supporting us and being our strength to get through. grouphug angel

[Iris]

Sounds like you have one great husband there, really supportive and caring, makes a big difference doesn't it? Wow, bad news about your basement sure hope everything works out O.K. for you in that area, take care of that great hubby, and yourself and kids, hugs Iris grouphug

[Dixiefireball]

my husband here lately has blamed himself for me flareing but alot of it isnt his fault it is bills uti's things like that. (stress) my husband trys to make sure i'm eating the right things and if i want a coke he gets me spring water. He has been trying to understand IC more and that has brung us closer together we have been married 13 years sept 14.