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Brother contracted my sisters attitude.

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  • Brother contracted my sisters attitude.

    We were at my parents playnig cards and was having a very good time. Several time Jake came up and was saying momma momma.. My sister corected him and said aunt cindy.. I blew it off and let it go, I looked at every one and they looked at me like, don't bother. Later on in the evening after my sister left I said every one is confusing him, Cathy sould not have corrected him.. well my brother is off and running at the mouth (half drunk) telling me I am confusing him, and I am wrong. You can't let him call you mom if he is going to know who his real mom is. I smarted off and said well if his real mom wanted him, explain to me why I have him??? Then my mom jumps in and said no no If cindy is adopting him she will be his mom. and he just got ******.
    any who he made my evening suck, and I got up and just left....

    Should Jake call us Mommy and Daddy
    A yes
    B No

    on my poll you will see my curser jumped and screwed up my words.
    'The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.'

  • #2
    I fixed the wording on the poll. I didn't respond to the poll because I honestly don't know. I do think it's important that Jake knows he's being adopted by his aunt, but he's much too young to understand right now. One thing you might do is to write a little story about a little boy named Jake whose mother wasn't able to take care of him, but his auntie loved him so very much that she became his mommy. It doesn't have to be a complicated story, but if he learns from the beginning, it will be completely natural to him and nothing family members might say will be upsetting to him.

    I don't think what he calls you is as important as the fact that he feels loved, secure, and well cared for.

    Sending gentle hugs,
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    • #3
      I think Donna's idea about a story is a great one - and you know little ones LOVE stories and it's even better if it's their story! Tell it again! Tell it again! (and or read it again! )

      He can have many mommy's - we tease all the kids on our street (me and a couple of the other mom's) that it's like they have 3 other mom's besides their own - we'll always be keeping an eye on them and always looking out for them. It was cute when one of them said "whoa - I now have 4 moms!!!" So, what about maybe calling you Mommy Cindy or something until he's old enough to understand and then he can call you whatever he's comfy with - that way he's not confused and people won't feel the need to jump in and correct him and therefore really confusing him! What's the saying, it takes a village to raise a child? So then that child can have lots of mommies!!!!!

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      • #4
        I voted no because are the closest thing in my opinion, that Jake has to a mom. Short of your sister giving birth to Jake, she has abandoned him. You and your husband have made a nice home for him. He is lucky to have a "mommy" like you. The story is a great idea. It will help him understand better.

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        • #5
          Personally I see nothing wrong with him call you Mommy. He can't understand that you're not his mom. All he knows is you are the one that takes care of him everyday, which in his mind means you ARE Mommy. He is too young to try to have him call you anything else without confusing him. My cousin has a daughter who is 6 and she calls her mother's boyfriend Daddy. She hasn't seen her dad in years because he's in jail but Eddie has been there to take care of her with her Mom. So in her mind he is her Daddy, and I see nothing wrong with this. That's just my opinion though. I can see how this would have really upset you Cindy, it's just crazy to be so worried about what a toddler is calling someone, they use the words they know and feel comfortable with. I'm behind you 1000%

          I have been diagnoised for 6 1/2 years now. I have taken a long break from the ICN but really miss helping out my fellow IC patients and want to get back into posting.
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          • #6
            I think as long as you are honest with him and let him know he has a mother that loves him and just wasn't able to take care of him correctly and that mommy cindy had to help her out.


            • #7
              A mommy isn't someone who just gives birth. A mommy is there for comfort, love and help in growing up. Showing them how to go potty, learn and to chase the monsters out of their room. I think Jake will know who is birth mom is as he grows but if you are adopting him and taking care of him then you are his real mommy and your husband would be the daddy.


              • #8
                I talk about Christina, when he goes to see her I tell him he is going to see mommy. When I took him to see her I would say look there's mommy... My niece started the Momma Cindy. Thats actually how it got started. I got a baby book and she is listed as Mommy, and we are getting pictures to put in there of her and him. He will always know that Christina is his biological Mommy.
                When the time is right he will know the entire truth. I know he is my nephew, but I am also his Mommy, in his eyes.
                It is hard to be positive and write good things, when she refused to even try to get him back. I tried to help her and I failed. I won't fail to keep him safe.

                My life has been forever altered. I have no regrets, but the guilt I carry is great. I keep replaying things in my mind, and think, well what if I did this or that to get my niece to comply. I question myself on calling cps. Which they never did anything when I called them. They (Christina and James) kept fighting, and neighbors calling the police and CPS is what got Jake took away.
                My sister said she could not handle him, and she raised her kids, it wasn't fair to raise another. I have raised my child too, I don't look at this as a burden as she dose. I look at it as I was chose to raise him. I am strong enough to do this and take on all the crap handed to me along the way.
                I enjoy every new thing he dose everyday. It makes me happy to see him happy, when it comes right down to the reality off all of it, this is about Jake, not my sister, not my brother, or his own biological parents. I think that if the tables were turned, the could very easily understand, that Jake has every right to be able to call someone mommy and daddy.
                No one will understand the trial and tribulations that I am dealing with on a daily bases, until they have walked in my shoes. **note, talking about my family** They will never understand this any more then they understand my health status.
                'The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.'


                • #9
                  Cindy please dont let some peoples opinion take away from the good you and your family have done for Jake. Think of it this way what would have happened should you have not taken him under your wing. Should CPS came an took him, he could be in foster care. Should he have stayed with his Birth Mom he would not have been taken care of like he should have or maybe gotten hurt. A child his age cant fully understand what has happened. He hears your daughter refer to you a mommy so why should he think anything different. I feel (and my opinion only) your sister has no room what so ever to interfer in how you are raising her grandson. To me I think it is pretty crapy that she did not step in to help her grandson, even if she has raise her children.

                  To me there are difference in say a birth Mother and a Mommy. A birth mom to me is someone who has given birth to a child, but either cant or refuses to take care of the child. Someone who wants to see or do for the child when it it convient for them. NOt realizing that raising a child is 24 hours a day 7 days a week. Now a Mommy (can be biological or not) is someone who is there for that child. They take care of the child when it is sick, throws up on the mommy, loves, laughs and cries with the child. Someone who is there ofr the ups and downs in life and someone who does not give up just because the going gets rough. A mommy protects the child no matter what. Same thing goes for the Dads.

                  I feel you and your hubby have every right to let him call you Mommy and Daddy, cause to him this is what you are. I am sure when he gets older you will sit him down and tell him how you became his mommy and daddy. That his birth mom loved him, but was to young and just not able to take care of him like he should have been. And let him know how special he is because you choose to take care of him, to love him and to be his parents.

                  I give you props for doing this, because you did not have to do it. You put your life on hold (per say) to start over in raising a child. But you did it out of love, love for him, love for his mom and because generally you are a good person. You did not want to see him hurt and failed.

                  HE COULD NOT HAVE ASKED FOR GOD TO PUT HIM IN ANY BETTER HANDS THAN THE ONES HE LANDED IN, YOURS AND YOUR FAMILY. God bless you ever day for what you have done.
                  God grant me the serinity to withstand the days ahead!!!

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                  • #10
                    You are his mommy. You are the one taking care of him daily. You are the one who worries about his welfare. If your neice had remarried and had custody of Jake (I'm assuming his real dad isn't around) wouldn't she have him call the new guy daddy? Don't let others get to you. You know in your heart that what you're doing is the best thing for Jake.


                    • #11
                      Thank you very much. ((((9hugs))))
                      My niece is with his real father (so we assume) he beats her up all the time. She chose him over Jake. I don't think it is fair of what she done to Jake, and I will be the one explaining it all.. I have kept a record on what has gone on. and If I wanted too I could get copies of each court hearing. I just don't think that it will be necessary. I am going to leave it as your mommy loved you, but she just had no clue how to provide for you, and she stayed with a man that would have eventually hurt or killed him. I don't doubt in my mind that one of them would have eventually hurt him seriously or killed him.
                      Thanks for your very comforting replies
                      'The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.'


                      • #12
                        As an adoptive mother myself . . . if you adopt him, than you are his mother, legally and in every sense of the word. If you want him to call you mommy than I say he should call you mommy.


                        • #13
                          Im just keep thanking god you took this beautiful little boy into your heart & home. Where he is safe and loved.You are his Mom & Dad, And have a amazing attitude on how to handle everything.My hat is off to you. You are a very strong woman.
                          Hugs Sandra
                          "Never Give Up."

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                          • #14
                            As ya know I said before there's a difference between a birth mother and a mommy Don't let em get to ya. Especially since your bro was half in the bag


                            • #15
                              I honestly don't see how there could even be a question. People have to see first hand how much these children suffer before they can pass judgement on the rightness or wrongness of how you handle your business.

                              Anyone who has seen a beautiful little girl with half her face melted from "mommy" pouring hot oil on her face, has no doubt that taking a child out of a dangerous situation is the right thing to do.