Re: What is wrong with me

[sandymarie]

Ladies,

I didn't know where to post this exactly and don't know what else to do. I have ic as do most on the site. Since approx. 1989 I have seemed to have lost all family including mother, sister, children and friends. I hung in as long as I could. I am blessed that my husband has stuck by me and have a good reelational with my daughter, if I do as everyone instructs it is o.k.. I guess this is my pity party, Need counseling I guess. When I was younger and was able to take care of everyone else. things seemed good and I enjoyed doing them, But when ic got bad and I no longer felt like doing for others it seemed my worth was over. It is almost like I am dead to all of them. You may think that this is esaguration, but I have no family left. My son don't call. My mother has 1 daughter, my sister. MY DIL thinks I am putting and my daughter seems to be want to be around only when it is something in it for her. I'm sorry to think these things but I do so I am saying them. Do I keep calling them, and begging for them to love me. For them to come and see me. To talk to me. What do I do? DO I let it all go and forget it. What. I want to live right and to be right with everyone . If I have surgery, noone shows up not even call to see of I am alive or dead. It's like I really died and they don't even care. I have ask what have i done to them. They say nothing. So I can't apologize. I was there when they needed me. and will be again if they ask and I am able. Do I just let go and pray that they will come around and understanded. What My mother is loaded and she wouldn't buy me a loaf of bread when I needed her. I once was a people pleaser. now I am not able and everyone left. A lot has gone on and would take me all day to tell you. I love them all and want things right. I don't know whether to just forget it or to keep trying. Please let me hear your input on this. I am soo tired of trying.Thanks for listening. Love all of you.

J.J.

[ICNJess]

J.J.,

I don't know how else to put it so I'll be blunt.

You spent a lot of years taking care of your children, right? They are grown, correct? Now it is time to take care of YOU. You have a legitimate illness that requires you to take extra special care of YOU. If your DIL (how rude) and your daughter cannot understand this, then I guess that's too bad for them.

As far as your mother goes, that is very saddening. I would sit down with her face to face and ask why she is shutting you out. Be blunt, be honest, speak from the heart. Get to the bottom of the problem. If she refuses...hey, at least you tried. You gave it an honest shot and you do not deserve stress and a guilt trip for things you cannot control!

Back to your kids...you could talk to them, too, about how much it hurts that they cannot be there for you in an emotional way. If they are still self-absorbed then let them come around. I went through something similar, well, that is I WATCHED something similar with my mother and sister. My sister completely shut my mother out simply because my mother does not live nearby and it hurts my sister. My mom did everything and tried everything to make my sister happy, to keep from losing her daughter. Finally, one day my mom had had enough and said, "Fine, she will miss me eventually."

They are on somewhat better speaking terms now, it just took my mom stepping out of the picture for a little while to make my sister realize she needed her.

So, I guess in closing, first and foremost--take care of YOU. You do not need nor deserve ANY of this drama. Big hugs to you, hon...PM me if you'd like to chat, okay?