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  • Husband wants divorce

    I can't believe I am writing these words..."my husband wants a divorce." He told me Sunday at 1 am, (one week ago today.) We have been married 14 yrs and have 1 child, a son who will be 12 next week. He says that he hasn't been happy for a long time and that he doesn't think I haven't been happy either. I asked him why he never told me before, and he just shrugged his shoulders and said he didn't know. I asked him how long he felt this way and he said, "ever since you got sick with 'that bladder thing' and d/xed with Lupus." He says there is no one else. (But, then again, don't they all say that?) So, I don't know if I believe that or not.

    I am completely devastated. I truly didn't see this coming. I told him whatever it was about me that made him unhappy, I would change it. But, of course he didn't even offer to change anything himself. But, he won't even give me the chance. He wants out now and he also refuses to go to marriage counseling. I am so hurt!

    Telling our son was THE hardest thing I have EVER had to do in my entire life! It killed me seeing him shake and cry and knowing there was nothing I could do to or say to ease his pain or to stop this from happening.

    I've barely slept or eaten all week. I have no appetite at all. When I DO sleep, I even dream about this! Then, I wake up and for a few seconds, while reality is still suspended, I wonder if maybe I just dreamt all of this, and pray that it is not going to be my reality. Then, slowly the realization occurs that it IS real, and the life I knew is gone now and won't ever be the same again.

    If you are a believer, please pray for all of us. For those of you who have been through this, please tell me how you got through it, and how long it took for the pain to ease.
    Last edited by amaranthe; 04-27-2013, 10:39 PM. Reason: clarify timing
    I am not a medical professional. I do not give medical advice. In all cases, I urge you to talk to your Dr. about your treatment options.

    D/Xed 2003 with IC. Also have the co-existing condtions of VV, Vulvadynia, Lupus, Fibro, GERD, CPP, Endo, & Adhesions, and Depression

    Meds: Estrogel (due to total Hyster)
    The meds r/xed by my Pain Dr. from the Pain Clinic are as follows: Morphine ER and IR, Baclofen, and Lyrica and Seroquel (used off-label as a sleeping pill, but it also helps with depression)


    (I listed my meds in case someone reading this has been told like so many ICers that Drs dont r/x pain meds for IC.) I want you to know that there ARE tons of us who are also dealing w/this disease and the pain and many of us ARE on pain meds.)


    John 3:16 For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have everlasting life.

  • #2
    I'm so sorry you're going through this. I think the worst thing about divorce is self doubt (wondering if I could have done anything different to change the outcome). It's been many, many years since my first spouse and I parted ways, but I still remember not being able to eat. I finally called my doctor and he ordered medication to help me get through what was the worst experience of my life.

    The good thing is that my second husband and I just celebrated our 41st anniversary --- and he is the best thing that ever happened to me. He is my major support and has cared for and about me with no exception.

    You can get through this. It isn't easy now and may not be easier for several months, but you'll find every day gets better. If you haven't seen a lawyer, please do so as soon as possible. You are going to have to bite the bullet and make sure you have a place to live, custody of your child, and money to feed and educate him.


    Donna
    Stay safe


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    • #3
      Thank you, Donna, for your very thoughtful reply. I am in a much better place today than I was a few days ago. He has agreed to joint custody, and my father (who lives 1/2 mile away) is giving me a acre on his land to build a house so our son can be close to both of us. Also, fortunately, we are both savers instead of spenders, so money wise, I should be okay even with only 1/2. The main thing is our son, and making sure he is all right. So far, he seems to be handling it better than I expected, so maybe the sun will come up tomorrow after all.

      But, thank you again for your encouraging reply. It really helped me through a tough night and difficult time.

      I also want you to know I am thinking of you and saying a prayer for you that you will feel better soon. I know you've had a rough few months and hope that you are doing okay too.

      Hugs,
      Amaranthe
      I am not a medical professional. I do not give medical advice. In all cases, I urge you to talk to your Dr. about your treatment options.

      D/Xed 2003 with IC. Also have the co-existing condtions of VV, Vulvadynia, Lupus, Fibro, GERD, CPP, Endo, & Adhesions, and Depression

      Meds: Estrogel (due to total Hyster)
      The meds r/xed by my Pain Dr. from the Pain Clinic are as follows: Morphine ER and IR, Baclofen, and Lyrica and Seroquel (used off-label as a sleeping pill, but it also helps with depression)


      (I listed my meds in case someone reading this has been told like so many ICers that Drs dont r/x pain meds for IC.) I want you to know that there ARE tons of us who are also dealing w/this disease and the pain and many of us ARE on pain meds.)


      John 3:16 For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have everlasting life.

      Comment


      • #4
        Amaranthe

        I am so sorry to read you are having to deal with this.
        Don't blame yourself you couldn't help getting sick and I am sure you did the best you could for your family even sick.
        Sounds to me your husband is being selfish and needs to grow up.
        I thought our vows were in sickness and health, did he not hear that part or just assume you wouldn't ever get sick. What peeves me is if the shoe was on the other foot, I bet he would expect you to hang in there and take care of him.
        For it to take you off guard, it not like things were terrible at home and you weren't battling with each other all the time.
        So I think he is just thinking he is missing out on something, not putting you 1 st. I know you probably love him but you deserve to be number 1, and have someone to rely on when you need help.
        It won't be easy, but life will move on.
        I will pray for you that your life will be better on the other side.
        Take care MG
        My are with you all. May you all find a way to peace and joy in your lives.

        Comment


        • #5
          I am sorry you are having to deal with this as well. We are having similar lives at the moment. I frequently and daily hear how I am not worth to be married anymore because I am ill or cannot have sex or can't really do anything due to chronic pain. It is very good that your dad is willing to help you. It is also difficult quieting those fears about not finding someone else because we are ill. I will pray for you. I think the title of this group is amusing because I have not found my forties to be fabulous.

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          • #6
            Re: Husband wants divorce

            Hi Amaranthe,

            I know this is a VERY old post but it was my first time reading it and it scared the crap out of me.

            So your husband literally flat out told you that he is divorcing you because you have IC, omg that is soo horrible and it breaks my heart to hear that.

            If you are still a member here could you give us an update on your health and your relationship status.

            Looking forward to hearing from you and hope that you are doing well.
            Your body's ability to heal is greater than anyone has permitted you to believe

            I am 40 years old and have (2) children, ages 14 and 10. The bladder pain began on the month after my 40th Birthday.

            I have not had any procedures done, I have not been diagnosed with IC, I do not take any medications.

            I had a tubal ligation in 2006. I have (1) ovarian cyst which Dr. said is no problem. Have had over 30 UTI's throughout my lifetime.

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