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  • how to explain sex isnt possible right now

    to a prospective date or boyfriend/girlfriend?i'm figuring out more and more i should just look for someone with ic cuz no one understands... im missing being in a relationship.
    Newly IC diagnosed as of February 2011.

    Medications I'm on that seem to work:
    Zoloft- one once a day
    Butrans pain patch 5 mcg (THANK GOD FOR WHOEVER INVENTED THIS!SO MUCH PAIN RELIEF ITS UNREAL,I AM IN NO PAIN AT ALL UNLESS I STRESS OR SCREW UP ON THE DIET)

    Failed Meds:
    Elmiron-after 4 months,digestive side effects got to be too much
    tramadol-allergic
    DMSO treatments(5-6)
    probiotics

    THERAPIES:gardening,cooking,IC Diet,Counseling,Lots of warm baths,stress reduction,heating pad or ice packs,meditation/deep breathing,listening to relaxing music,having fun on pain free days,drinking chamomile or peppermint tea,pelvic floor physical therapy
    AROMATHERAPY-candles,incense
    Village Naturals Aches and Pains Peppermint Bath Salts
    Johnson and Johnsons Lavender Melt Away Stress Body Wash/Lotion

    ACUPUNCTURE/HERBS
    Significant pain relief so far.

    MAY TRY:yoga,swimming/hydrotherapy and anti-candida diet if i can kick my sugar addiction
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    ***TO MY IC SISTERS AND BROTHERS:WE ARE OUR OWN ADVOCATES!,PLEASE DO AS MUCH RESEARCH ON YOUR OWN AS POSSIBLE AND TRY DIFFERENT TREATMENTS TO GET WELL.NOT ONE TREATMENT WORKS FOR EVERYONE.MOST IMPORTANTLY,TRY TO KEEP A POSITIVE ATTITUDE,DISTANCE YOURSELF FROM NEGATIVITY/NEGATIVE PEOPLE AND NEVER,EVER GIVE UP!***

    Add me on facebook Angela Hasic

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Lord, make me an instrument of your peace;
    where there is hatred, let me sow love;
    when there is injury, pardon;
    where there is doubt, faith;
    where there is despair, hope;
    where there is darkness, light;
    and where there is sadness, joy.
    Grant that I may not so much seek
    to be consoled as to console;
    to be understood, as to understand,
    to be loved as to love;
    for it is in giving that we receive,
    it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
    and it is in dying [to ourselves] that we are born to eternal life.

  • #2
    Have you experimented with differrent positions? You might find if you lie on your back with him on top and your bodies close together and ask him to be gentle, that it is much better? Also, don't use lubricants or creams which can irritate you. Sorry if this is too detailed. But I know exactly how you feel.

    Jem x

    Comment


    • #3
      i feel so sorry for icers that have problems with intimacy. i do not have that problem, lets all pray for a cure soon,
      <center>
      <a href="http://s1086.photobucket.com/albums/j441/linda5552/?action=view&amp;current=Picture005.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i1086.photobucket.com/albums/j441/linda5552/th_Picture005.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket" ></a>
      </center>

      Comment


      • #4
        ive only experienced sex before ic (when i was healthy),not after. the ic and/or recurrent bladder infections started when i became sexually active..so i dont know how sex would feel now. probably painful or like a chore im wondering when to break the news to people i would consider dating or be in a relatonship with..so far i dont have to worry about it cuz no prospects..
        Newly IC diagnosed as of February 2011.

        Medications I'm on that seem to work:
        Zoloft- one once a day
        Butrans pain patch 5 mcg (THANK GOD FOR WHOEVER INVENTED THIS!SO MUCH PAIN RELIEF ITS UNREAL,I AM IN NO PAIN AT ALL UNLESS I STRESS OR SCREW UP ON THE DIET)

        Failed Meds:
        Elmiron-after 4 months,digestive side effects got to be too much
        tramadol-allergic
        DMSO treatments(5-6)
        probiotics

        THERAPIES:gardening,cooking,IC Diet,Counseling,Lots of warm baths,stress reduction,heating pad or ice packs,meditation/deep breathing,listening to relaxing music,having fun on pain free days,drinking chamomile or peppermint tea,pelvic floor physical therapy
        AROMATHERAPY-candles,incense
        Village Naturals Aches and Pains Peppermint Bath Salts
        Johnson and Johnsons Lavender Melt Away Stress Body Wash/Lotion

        ACUPUNCTURE/HERBS
        Significant pain relief so far.

        MAY TRY:yoga,swimming/hydrotherapy and anti-candida diet if i can kick my sugar addiction
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
        ***TO MY IC SISTERS AND BROTHERS:WE ARE OUR OWN ADVOCATES!,PLEASE DO AS MUCH RESEARCH ON YOUR OWN AS POSSIBLE AND TRY DIFFERENT TREATMENTS TO GET WELL.NOT ONE TREATMENT WORKS FOR EVERYONE.MOST IMPORTANTLY,TRY TO KEEP A POSITIVE ATTITUDE,DISTANCE YOURSELF FROM NEGATIVITY/NEGATIVE PEOPLE AND NEVER,EVER GIVE UP!***

        Add me on facebook Angela Hasic

        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
        Lord, make me an instrument of your peace;
        where there is hatred, let me sow love;
        when there is injury, pardon;
        where there is doubt, faith;
        where there is despair, hope;
        where there is darkness, light;
        and where there is sadness, joy.
        Grant that I may not so much seek
        to be consoled as to console;
        to be understood, as to understand,
        to be loved as to love;
        for it is in giving that we receive,
        it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
        and it is in dying [to ourselves] that we are born to eternal life.

        Comment


        • #5
          I do know what you mean! It feels like IC and my quest for a cure has taken over my life, and everything else has ground to a shuddering halt, esp when it comes to meeting guys. At the moment I am trying not to worry about it, but I know there will come a time when it will rear it's head again, so to speak.
          I used to really enjoy sex, but the last few times I did it, it was very sore and I felt so sad and dissapointed at no longer being able to feel pleasure like I once did.
          As well as the pain during sex, my IC flared up really badly afterwards cos of the 'lubrication' and stimulation etc. (Judging by what other members have said, I think this is due to the inflammed area in my urethra being aggrevated?)
          We have to hope that we will find an effective treatment for our I.C, and then everything else will fall into place....Maybe it will give us a better chance of finding a decent guy? If you can find someone who is willing to accept your difficulties and help you through them then you will know you have found someone special, and you will know that you are not just being used for sex...If telling a guy about your problem makes him run for the hills, then he wasn't worth it anyway right?? x

          Comment


          • #6
            right.thank you.
            Newly IC diagnosed as of February 2011.

            Medications I'm on that seem to work:
            Zoloft- one once a day
            Butrans pain patch 5 mcg (THANK GOD FOR WHOEVER INVENTED THIS!SO MUCH PAIN RELIEF ITS UNREAL,I AM IN NO PAIN AT ALL UNLESS I STRESS OR SCREW UP ON THE DIET)

            Failed Meds:
            Elmiron-after 4 months,digestive side effects got to be too much
            tramadol-allergic
            DMSO treatments(5-6)
            probiotics

            THERAPIES:gardening,cooking,IC Diet,Counseling,Lots of warm baths,stress reduction,heating pad or ice packs,meditation/deep breathing,listening to relaxing music,having fun on pain free days,drinking chamomile or peppermint tea,pelvic floor physical therapy
            AROMATHERAPY-candles,incense
            Village Naturals Aches and Pains Peppermint Bath Salts
            Johnson and Johnsons Lavender Melt Away Stress Body Wash/Lotion

            ACUPUNCTURE/HERBS
            Significant pain relief so far.

            MAY TRY:yoga,swimming/hydrotherapy and anti-candida diet if i can kick my sugar addiction
            ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
            ***TO MY IC SISTERS AND BROTHERS:WE ARE OUR OWN ADVOCATES!,PLEASE DO AS MUCH RESEARCH ON YOUR OWN AS POSSIBLE AND TRY DIFFERENT TREATMENTS TO GET WELL.NOT ONE TREATMENT WORKS FOR EVERYONE.MOST IMPORTANTLY,TRY TO KEEP A POSITIVE ATTITUDE,DISTANCE YOURSELF FROM NEGATIVITY/NEGATIVE PEOPLE AND NEVER,EVER GIVE UP!***

            Add me on facebook Angela Hasic

            ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
            Lord, make me an instrument of your peace;
            where there is hatred, let me sow love;
            when there is injury, pardon;
            where there is doubt, faith;
            where there is despair, hope;
            where there is darkness, light;
            and where there is sadness, joy.
            Grant that I may not so much seek
            to be consoled as to console;
            to be understood, as to understand,
            to be loved as to love;
            for it is in giving that we receive,
            it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
            and it is in dying [to ourselves] that we are born to eternal life.

            Comment


            • #7
              And maybe you shouldn't worry so much - you say you haven't tried it since your diagnosis, so maybe it won't be that bad for you? One way to find out! x

              Comment


              • #8
                A real man will understand and love you regardless even if you cant have sex with him all the time. About five years ago, I was dating a guy. I was having tons of bladder problems, but was unaware it was IC. Sex was impossible between us and he ended up leaving me. I realized that if he can't be by side when Im sick then I dont want to be with him. I ended up meeting another guy who I am currently engaged to. I still have problems having sex. I embrace the times when I am not in pain and he loves it. When I am not feeling good he understands. However, on some occasions I do my best to please him in other ways (sorry so graphic).

                Comment


                • #9
                  Congratulations!

                  I agree, Jerzey Girl. In some ways it's a blessing in disguise. It helps you separate the wheat from the chaff, as your situation proves! Congrats on your engagement!
                  Don't worry about being 'too graphic'. We are all grown women!
                  x x

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    I also agree with JerzeyGirl. Also have you considered using a toy on your own? That might give you an idea of what it would feel like, because being afraid it will be bad makes you think it will be bad, which increases your anxiety, and makes it worse. That might ease your worries or give you an idea of what you can handle.
                    Diagnosis: IC, VV, anxiety

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Jerzeygirl View Post
                      A real man will understand and love you regardless even if you cant have sex with him all the time. About five years ago, I was dating a guy. I was having tons of bladder problems, but was unaware it was IC. Sex was impossible between us and he ended up leaving me. I realized that if he can't be by side when Im sick then I dont want to be with him. I ended up meeting another guy who I am currently engaged to. I still have problems having sex. I embrace the times when I am not in pain and he loves it. When I am not feeling good he understands. However, on some occasions I do my best to please him in other ways (sorry so graphic).
                      Congrats on the engagement!

                      I'm starting to think along those lines too. I've completely gone off of sex thanks to IC. But, no matter how many times I say to my boyfriend I can't, or I'm not having a good day he still tries it on with me. It's as if all that matters is he gets his way! *rant*
                      21, graduate & aspiring Quidditch player.



                      'Poss' diagnosed Nov 11.

                      Current management;

                      Lots of water,
                      Mefenamic Acid,
                      Codeine & Paracetamol,
                      Heat Pads,
                      Knitting.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        hey, this thread is old now but I have just started dating someone (who actually waited 5 months to see me whilst i have been sick with this) and I just flat out told him straight away that I just couldn't do it right now. He was very understanding and has continued to see me. He said its not a problem and we will get there when we can. If a guy won't accept you because you are sick, he is not worth your time anyway

                        Comment

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