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Please Pray For My Husband!!!!

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  • Allyoopa
    replied
    Husband's Corner

    I've said it before and I'll say it again! We need a section solely for our care givers! Whether it be our Husbands or other family members. The good ones need to be praised and thanked for their many sacrafice's. And for the ones who only get it when its convenient for them or on the other hand....how about the fact that "we are a hand full". I am the Queen of Cancelling plans. Just yesterday my daughter arranged a family barbeque....why? Because in the morning when we spoke I was feeling good, that was about 10:00AM, by 2:00pm my Husband saw that look in my eyes and said I'll make the call for the first time though I made him go without me even though he really didn't want too. This is her new house that she's been in for over three months now and I her Mother still hasn't seen it! Lindy and I are as close as a mother and daughter can be. My Husband said there were tears at first when his car pulled up minus Mum and how unfair it all is that all shes asking for is her Mum to see the place, until he reminded her of how unfair it really is to the person dealing with the desease. My first marriage was extremely abusive for 10 yrs. Keith was Bi-polar with a personality disorder. So I know first hand about the frustration of looking after someone who needs attention. Not really in the same ball park I know but still. However, I have been married to Henry for 14yrs. now and he is a GEM, a Prince amongst men. but even he needs someone to talk to at times. I know when dissapointments hits him and I know how helpless he feels and there is truly nowhere to go for him. It truly is a case of getting over it and moving on! Please lets give them a place to go, we might save a few marriages in the process!! I know Henry would be in agreement in getting the ball rolling and hopefully the rest will open up and follow suit.

    Take Care
    Adele

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  • Mel53H
    replied
    Danibelle,

    I am so sorry that you are going through this. My husband was like that too.

    I think that when men are unhappy with themselves or if they have a low self esteem, they tend to lash out at the one they love the most.

    It sucks!!

    Leave a comment:


  • Cardholic
    replied
    I was married for 18 years to a man who was verbally abusive to me, and I believe he was too rough on our boys especially our older son. I would try to talk to him about it, and he would just put me off and say "call a lawyer". I stayed in the marriage giving the children as an excuse. I wanted them to have an intact home/family. But it was very unfunctional. All 4 of us were unhappy. I hadn't realized how much it had affected my children until my 15yo son got involved in heavy drugs. We had to send him to a treatment center (It was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life!). Thank god, they treated the parents too, and I finally got the help I needed. I realized that I stayed in the marriage, not for the children, but I was too weak and scared to be on my own.

    I am telling you my story in hopes that you will see that his behavior not only affects you, but also your children. Both of my boys are doing MUCH better since our separation and finally our divorce. Funny thing, My ex and I are getting along better with each other too.

    I since met a wonderful Man who treats me better than I could ever imagine being treated. It makes me sad that I put up with my ex for so many years.

    I hope you get the help you need for you and your family.

    Leave a comment:


  • tigger_gal
    replied
    Dani ((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))
    First off you are a brave gal for staying in this marriage, But it is not worth your pain and tears. You husband is teaching your children how to treat women and eventually there children. I know I have no right to tell what you should and should not do, but, you said your husband has always been like this, all the counsling in the world won't help him, or your marriage, unless he admits to having a problem and joins anger managment classes to learn self control. Verbal abuse is worse then physical abuse, you never forget the wounds if a heart, and you will never be able to fully forgive, especially when it comes to thing he has said to your children. I think if I were you, I'd tell him theres the door, don't let it hit you in the ass on the way out.
    sorry to be such a meanie here, but.. been there done that. and it kills me to see it happening to you.
    ((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))

    Leave a comment:


  • ChrissySunshine
    replied
    It sounds like verbal abuse to me too.

    I can really, really relate to what you're going through. My b/f has been verbally abusive for some time now, and I was in tears as I read your post because I know how much it hurts. Until this weekend I was in denial that it was even abuse, then it got so bad it became obvious. It's almost impossible NOT to internalize hurtful words and comments....for me anyway. The constant stress of it (as well as some other crap), really wears you down.


    Just tonight I was doing some research online on verbal abuse, and there are some very good sites out there. I was able to locate a local domestic abuse advocate that I'm gonna call tomorrow. Don't let it go on....no one deserves to be treated badly, and after a long time it becmes near impossible NOT to internalize it.

    Please PM me anytime if you'd like.

    Prayers for you and your family...

    Leave a comment:


  • DaniBelle
    replied
    Thanks...

    I appreciate all your kind words. I am already seeing a counselor and she and I have been talking about this situation. We will be going for {marriage counseling/dealing with illness of a spouse} sessions after I have a few more 'core' sessions. My therapist is still learning about my childhood, etc.. I just ended up with a major flare about an hour ago (go figure!) and I'm having abdominal contractions (don't worry...no baby-making 'software' left in there). I administered an instillation and got some relief for about 45 minutes, but the pain medication is not working anymore, so I KNOW I'm stressed. My husband just came in while I was writing this and he didn't even look at what I was typing. I was hoping he would. He seems to be 'relaxed' now and asked if I wanted to watch one of the segments of "Planet Earth" which is on the Discovery Channel right now. I pretty much ignored him and kept typing. One thing I'm realizing, is that when he acts the way he did earlier this evening, I don't tell him it bothers me anymore like I used to in the past, I just walk away. I used to tell him how I felt. My counselor said I need to tell him, because it's absolutely festering inside me like poison. I know something's gotta give, because the day after my sessions, I want to throw things! I'll be standing in the kitchen with a plastic cup and find myself halfway to tossing it. I stop because I don't want to clean up the mess! It's not like I'm giving up, but I just don't want to feel any worse than I do now. I think I'll need an Ambien tonight for sure. I was just thinking how I wish someone could come up with a way to 'give' the unsympathetics a bladder infection or bad UTI...just for a couple of days. Not to harm anyone, but just to get those types to feel just a tiny bit of the pain we all feel on a chronic basis. I'm really not (you're saying....uh, huh) wanting to do this for the pure sake of getting back at someone or plain meanness, but don't you think at least 80% would be more sympathetic after their experiences???????????????

    Tomorrow's another day...hopefully a much better one!

    Thanks again for your prayers and support....I appreciate you all sooooo very much!

    Danita

    Leave a comment:


  • leelee88
    replied
    I am so sorry you are going through this.. I went through it for 13 years and finally had enough.. You know emotional abuse can sometimes be worse than physical abuse with emotional abuse it goes deep and hurts longer..But both are wrong and NO woman should ever have to go through that pain and you know if you are hurting then its going to be twice as bad for your kids..Also the scares from emotional abuse last, for me it seems like forever.. I still have flash backs and can remeber the hurt that cuts deep..

    I do believe prayer does work, but you have got to take charge of your life, God can only help you if you want to be helped..You have got to tell yourself you are a worthy person and you and your kids deserve to be happy..If you ever need someone to talk to who knows what you are going through, you can PM me anytime...(((((((((((hugs)))))))))))

    Leave a comment:


  • Sarojini
    replied
    I am so sorry you had to put up with all of this tonight

    I know how awful it can be; my husband recently went through a super-critical phase, and he criticized just about everything relating to me, including that one that women should not be criticized about -- weight. Yeah, I no longer weigh 120 pounds due to inactivity, too much work, and medications that cause weight gain, and I know it... so it hurts to be reminded of the fact. *sigh* He also criticized how much I invest per month, and the fact that I bought some new clothes to replace some of my dress clothes that were beginning to get ratty (I'm looking for a new job - I need to have dress clothes that don't have holes, stains, and/or hems coming down). He then criticized the way I was going about looking for another job! He criticized ME and somehow made it MY fault that he never does his chores, leading to overflowing trash cans. He said I made up half of my pains and if I just got some exercise...

    He settled down, but to be honest, I haven't forgotten and right now I cannot look at him the same way. Sad, since our four year anniversary is coming up in July, huh?

    Well, never mind, this isn't about me, it's about YOU Again, I'm really sorry about your hubby... but I think you are doing the right thing by realizing you cannot internalize what he says. Do NOT let him eat away at your self-esteem by making these comments, and please try to teach your poor boys that they cannot let him do that to them either.

    Your husband sounds like mine in a way -- mine's very understanding in some ways (like the cooking issues, the stopping to pee on car trips, taking me to doctor's appointments when I need "backup", etc) but then he just decides to get all critical. I don't know. I think with mine, it might be related to stress he's been going through at work, as his job really isn't any better than mine as stress goes. Is your hubby really stressed right now about something?

    I am worried that he has said he'd be happier if he'd never gotten married and had kids... that is really verbally abusive to all of you. Please keep us updated and let us know how things are going... we're here to support you....

    And I do think a professional counselor is a good idea. There are things here that need to be worked out

    (That goes for me too; my psychiatrist is setting us up with a marriage counselor.)

    Leave a comment:


  • ICNDonna
    replied
    Please --- I urge you --- see a professional counselor. It sounds very much like your family needs help. Please don't wait. Make an appointment when offices open tomorrow.

    Warm hugs,
    Donna

    Leave a comment:


  • GriffsMommy
    replied
    Oh Dani,
    I almost started to cry when I read this. Your husband sounds like my father. I will pray for you but I must tell you growing up with a father like that is not healthy. I still have deep deep issues with my father for the way he treated me. He didn't talk to my mother so much as you described but he always talked that way to me. If you need to talk to someone PLEASE PM me, I'll even get your number and call you, the joy of free long distance. I know exactly what it is like to live with a person like your husband. I am so sorry that you have to go through this.

    Leave a comment:


  • dancemomof2
    replied

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  • DaniBelle
    started a topic Please Pray For My Husband!!!!

    Please Pray For My Husband!!!!

    This is urgent, but not life-threatening. My husband is nice 10% of the time ever since we've been married. Since I've been ill, he tries to help (besides supporting us) when I'm not able to function (on the couch or bed). He'll ask if I want tea, and will make my grilled chicken w/o spices on it. Besides that, he's a bundle of anger. I try to 'work through each day', whether I'm having a good day or not (a good day is being able to take a shower, do some laundry and grocery shop -can only be on my feet for about 35 to 40 minutes or I get what I call 'instaflare'). This evening, I went to the store, cooked dinner (not much prep time...most was deli chicken, etc.), but I tried to act happy, I was feeling pain, but not extreme and he comes in like a Tasmanian Devil. I had bought a peach pie and was heating it in the oven so the boys and my husband could put vanilla ice cream on top of it. My son brought up the new container of ice cream and my husband opened the freezer and threw our last container on the counter and yelled "Use this first before opening another one". I said, "There's not much left and it's gotten that 'gummy stuff on it". He said "Then you should throw the s&*^ away." He then said, "You also have a whole container almost full of Chocolate Yogurt downstairs". If you're not going to use the s*&*^ throw it away." I didn't say anything. I was already getting a flare from being on my feet. I wanted to tell him I was saving it for my Mom who loves chocolate yogurt. She and my Dad are coming next weekend. I felt like he had 'pushed' me down once again. He's very volatile, but not physical. It would have been nice if he'd said, "I noticed you have a skirt and earrings on....you must be feeling better....it's great you were able to fix dinner". NOOOOOOOO! He just shoots me down everytime. I don't know what to do, except....I'M NOT GOING TO INTERNALIZE THIS STUFF ANYMORE!!!! He's the problem, I'm not. I have diseases I can't help and his attitude makes them sooooo much worse. Please pray that God lays it upon his heart that he was wrong and he needs to change his anger tirades. The first thing I thought was that God was telling me "Yes you are worth more than this and you are my child". Don't let him bring you down. He's always done this. I just hope my children didn't hear it. I think this is why my older son talks to me the way he does....in an angry demeaning tone. I love them so much, I don't want them to deal with this poisonous spewing from their father's mouth. A few years ago, my husband told me, while our children were standing there and could hear everything...."I wish I'd never gotten married...I'd be much happier....and I wish I'd never had children". He said it again, the same way on another occasion. My older son cried and cried. We do love each other, but my husband is too proud and stubborn to deal with anyone being ill. Whenever he talks to relatives on the phone, he always tells them we're all fine. My sister-in-law told me I needed to exercise when I told her I had IC and Fibro. She's a nurse and I like her alot, but I wouldn't want to be her patient. Anyway, I'm trying not to get too depressed, but its' hard. My husband doesn't want to do anything with my older son, he's only taken him fishing twice and he's 14. I keep telling him, "Hey, I think Devin would love to learn woodworking, so why don't you let him help you with what you're building". He always has some excuse and the father/son thing never happens. I feel so bad for my older son. He's afraid of his Dad...not physically, but he's afraid of being berated. Once, when he was helping our son with math homework, he said to our son "Do you have s&*^ for brains". You are making stupid, stupid mistakes." I could go on and on, but I'm tired and am still trying to work through the last hour of 'happenings'. Again, please pray for God's hand to touch him and make him realize how hurtful he is to everyone. What would you say about a husband who compliments everyone else on how they look, but never his wife????????????????


    Hurting emotionally and physically in GA,

    Dani
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