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My dad passed away last night after a 2 week stay in the hosp. He had cardiac and renal failure that progressed very rapidly over the past week and the Drs said there really wasn't much more they could do but keep him comfortable. He knew it was his time to go and was pretty much at peace with it. I thought I was at peace with it too till it happened. He has been so lonely since mom died and his health has been failing. Even though I was with him and he went peacefully with the help of hospice, I am totally distraught and overwhelmed with his lost. I just can't seem to stop crying since it happened, which is very unlike me. I swear I am deydrated from loss of tears! I just feel such a tremendous loss and so alone, like there is this huge void that nothing or no one can fill. I have no living siblings so I am going through this alone. It just seems so final knowing that both mom AND dad are gone now, it's like he really isn't gone and he'll call me anytime now.
Today while I was at the funeral home I actually begged the funeral director to let me see his body just to be sure he was really dead. How out of control is that? Luckily he and my hubby talked me out of it, but that is how crazy and in shock I am. I don't even know what to do next or what to think, my parents were my strength and anchor through everything and now they are gone!! My hubby tries to understand but he was never really close to his parents and they have been gone for many years so it is hard for him to relate to the fact that my parents were my best friends.
I have a really strong Christian faith and know they are together and very happy and some day we will all be reunited, my faith is the only thing that has brought me this far. I just don't know how to handle things here till that time comes. It seems so weird when I was getting gas or buying food on my way to the hospital people were just going about their lives and I was going to the hospital to watch my dad die and then today at the bank it was the same way. My heart was literally breaking as I was standing in line and everyone else was just going about their business. It took soooo long for life to get back to normal after my mom died, but I fear now that dad is gone too my heart will just shrivel up and I'll die inside right along with them. My parents left me with such a legacy of love that I will always cherish, but I never knew losing them could cause actual physical pain and torment like I'm going through. I've not slept in nearly 2 weeks and am physically and emtionally exhausted which I'm sure is adding to my despair, but last night I couldn't sleep at all. The funeral is on Fri and I'm suppossed to go back to work on Mon, how will I ever work when I can't stop crying?
Thanks for letting me share my grief.
Today while I was at the funeral home I actually begged the funeral director to let me see his body just to be sure he was really dead. How out of control is that? Luckily he and my hubby talked me out of it, but that is how crazy and in shock I am. I don't even know what to do next or what to think, my parents were my strength and anchor through everything and now they are gone!! My hubby tries to understand but he was never really close to his parents and they have been gone for many years so it is hard for him to relate to the fact that my parents were my best friends.
I have a really strong Christian faith and know they are together and very happy and some day we will all be reunited, my faith is the only thing that has brought me this far. I just don't know how to handle things here till that time comes. It seems so weird when I was getting gas or buying food on my way to the hospital people were just going about their lives and I was going to the hospital to watch my dad die and then today at the bank it was the same way. My heart was literally breaking as I was standing in line and everyone else was just going about their business. It took soooo long for life to get back to normal after my mom died, but I fear now that dad is gone too my heart will just shrivel up and I'll die inside right along with them. My parents left me with such a legacy of love that I will always cherish, but I never knew losing them could cause actual physical pain and torment like I'm going through. I've not slept in nearly 2 weeks and am physically and emtionally exhausted which I'm sure is adding to my despair, but last night I couldn't sleep at all. The funeral is on Fri and I'm suppossed to go back to work on Mon, how will I ever work when I can't stop crying?
Thanks for letting me share my grief.
I am so sorry to read of your loss. I really can't begin to understand what you are going through, I have both my parents still and love them dearly.
and may God Bless You.
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