Prayer for dealing with student

[stacey79]

I teach classes once a year at my local university. Classes just ended and I submitted final grades Monday morning. I am having a problem with one student that I can't go into many details about, but I'm not sure how to handle her. I want to be a fair professor and feel I have been. I know I need to stand my ground sometimes. But then I also feel bad because I want to be nice to everyone and am not so keen on adversity and conflict.

Anyway, I'm just asking for prayer for guidance and direction in handling this situation.

[RAS6]

I too hate conflict and hurting people's feelings, escpecially since I work with kids, but I have to stand my ground too at my job. I will be thinking about you and praying you will come to the right descision.

[ihurttoo]

I am sure you are doing the right thing. The fact that you have considered and thought about this shows that you truly have the best intentions. I am having a rough day here too. Today is my son's b-day, but he lied to me to get out of school and I have to punish him, even though I dont want to on his birthday. It kills me, but right is right and wrong is wrong and I keep telling myself that the easiest thing to do is NEVER the right thing to do. Maybe it will apply to your situation too. It would be easier to give in to the student and avoid all conflict. But, like I said, the easiest thing is never the right thing, so I am sure you are doing the right thing.

Just as it is killing me to do the right thing with my child, your students are your kids too, and I am sure it is killing you too. But, you can still be loved AND respected. Yes, she may be mad at you for a while, but when you do what you do b/c you care, it shows and she will remember the lesson and the caring that shines thru.

I will say a prayer for you that all goes well. I am sure you will feel relief when it is over.

Sending hugs from your sister in turmoil today,
Amy

[stacey79]

Thanks for your words of encouragement and support. I have waited until today to deal with the student. I am trying to be fair to her, but also to the rest of the class who made a greater effort to attend class and do assignments. I feel bad because the grade will keep her from graduating. But, I also know she just didn't do the work and I gave her multiple chances. *Sigh* I have been reminding myself that I am there to prepare them for the real world and if I were her boss, I would have let her go.

[sacausa]

If the class will keep her from graduating, is there a way you can work out a special (ridiculous) assignment for her? I am talking about a 30-40 page essay on the topic of your choice.... as a means to extra credit....

I know at my school, the University of Miami, if a student pesters the dean enough.... they will change the grade regardless of what the professor says (of course this only happens once or twice a year though)

[stacey79]

I did give her an extra assignment, but the points she earned didn't make up enough difference. Throughout the semester I've gone beyond what I usually do to work with this student. I've given her ample chances. I feel really bad about the whole thing, but there's not much I can do when the student waits until the last week of class to start making an effort.

I did reply to her outlining everything. I feel at peace about it while at the same time, I also feel sad about it.

[jen74]

My hubby is also a teacher, and he deals with this everyday also. I think you are being very fair to her, especially if you have given her multiple chances, which some teachers wont even do. Maybe by failing, she will learn that she has to earn the right to graduate which means doing her assignments and handing them in on time, which you gave her many chaces to do.You also have to look at the other students who worked hard and did all their assignments and on time, they earned their grades. Why should she be able to do less and get away with it. Dont be so hard on yourself. You are doing all you can do. You will make the right decision.
Jen

[stacey79]

Thanks, Jen. WHen I was a student, I was the kind who was always in class and did my work. Sometimes it's hard for me to understand students who don't care as much. HOwever, I also have had a couple of times as a student where another student was able to slide by because he was an athlete or something. I felt like that wasn't fair to me since I'd worked so hard. I'm trying to find that balance of being fair to the individual student but also to the others as well. I think I've gotten there. This was a new situation to me. This is only the third class I've taught and I don't do it full-time. New situations like this are always tricky.

[ihurttoo]

Please dont beat yourself up over this. You didnt keep her from graduating forever. She will still graduate, (after all no one would spend that much time in college and not retake that last class again so they can graduate.) She will just be graduating later than her peers. Since she didnt show up for classes or complete the assignments they did, then she needs to see that there are consequences. But the consequences arent that she NEVER graduates, (unless of course that is what she chooses). The consequences are that she doesnt graduate until she retakes that class and committs herself to it this time. And YOU didnt cause this, SHE did. So, please dont beat yourself up over this. You are a good teacher. That is obvious by all of the thought you have put into this. A teacher that didnt care about her students would just write down the failing grade, shrug and go home. But you have invested yourself in her success or failure b/c you care. In time, she will see that too. You are in my prayers and I am also praying for her. If you need to talk, feel free to pm me. I just dont want to see you upset about this.

Big hugs coming your way,
Amy

[sacausa]

I don't think you have anything to beat yourself up over then! Personally, I get very annoyed with people in my classes who never go to class! I cannot imagine missing class even when I'm very sick etc... soooo hopefully she will learn a more valuable life lesson than the class itself may have ever taught her....

[ICKIRSTI]

Here's to good prayers!

In your heart, only you know what they need most from you (Benefit of the doubt, or Tough Love). I have always had so many troubles and have nearly failed out of the University because of it. I have also lost my major as well. No one believed how sick I was, so I kept going like the rest of the world told me to do. In the end I burned out, and believe me, even in the worst circumstances, there are plenty of teachers more than happy to fail a student. I am most grateful for the teachers that did still see something in me, no matter how hopeless I could be at times. Sometimes, knowing someone has faith in you, even when perhaps you think they wouldn't, can be the most encouraging lesson of all.
Since you requested a prayer for guidance, well here it is! Again, I will utilize my personal favorite book. (Sylvia Browne's, Prayers, pg 34 & 35)
This is a prayer to: BE A SHINING EXAMPLE
My Beloved Mother and Father God, please imbue me with:
LOYALTY- to be loyal and true to my own beliefs, true to myself.
GRATITUDE- to be grateful that I am here and able to learn, knowing that only the strongest are allowed to come here. Let me be thankful for my perfection.
HONOR - imbue me with honor, right actions, protocol, and right speech. I will treat others with honor for the spark of God they carry. I will honor my temple as well, by taking care of myself.
TRUTH - to know my beliefs and to live them. To thine own self be true.
LOVE - to attain love of self and love of coming into life. Love to do battle for God and to know that spirituality is simply doing a kindness every day. To love the unique spark of God within.
PRIDE - to know pride in oneself is good. I take pride in myself and protect my spark of God.
For this I pray so that I may be a shining example of Your love and light in this world. I ask this all in the name of God. Amen.

[ihurttoo]

Kirstie,

That was a lovely prayer! It was beautiful! Thank you for posting it.

Hugs,
Amy

[ICKIRSTI]

my pleasure!

The pleasure is all mine!!! Well of course, complements of Sylvia Browne and Novus Spiritus. (In my opinion, the most faithful, beautiful, motivational, and positive religion ever created!!!)

[stacey79]

Thanks for sharing that prayer. I talked with the department in which I teach yesterday and found out that to change a grade at this point, I would need both the chair and dean to sign on it. And the dean's office checks to make sure each student had the same opportunity. I can think of no solution where I could answer yes to that situation. I don't know whether she will try to appeal, but she'd have to have grounds to do so, like if I had graded her unfairly or something.

So, I think the situation is mostly resolved. I have peace about it and will continue to pray for her. It was just too little, too late.