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  • Nothing left anymore

    I guess this post is very similar to the one below. So many crappy things have happend to me and my family that people are actually starting to comment about it. I can be brief... My mom who I loved dearly died young. My father could care less about me. I have NO extended family. Both of my kids (teens) have problems. I have lupus, migraines and now possible IC. However, what really gets to me is that first I had active and painful lupus in my twenties, but that went into remission in my thirties. Then when I was about 35 I started with horrible migraines. It has only been very, very recently that I've enjoyed some good weeks without them. NOW I HAVE WHAT LOOKS LIKE IC. WHY AM I BEING TORTURED LIKE THIS? Why can't I go any decent lenth of time without a painful, chronic illness? Does God hate me? Is it because I don't go to church regularly? We basically only go for Christmas and Easter. Am I a terrible person? I have such a hard time believing. Why do some people enjoy perfect health and some people have pain like this? How can I not take this personally? Is there any way you can help me get through this? Thank you.

  • #2
    {{Audrey****
    Oh gosh, God doesn't hate you and it's not personal. From time to time we get tested and He wants to see how well we can forgive and go on. We shouldn't have more than we can stand. That's the way I see it. Others might not.
    I'm so sorry about your mom and especially all the hardship you're having to deal with.

    One thing I can say you're wrong about is the not having an extended family part. Well we on this board, as a whole, are your new family members. You'll get great advice and sometimes you'll wonder why a certain person even bothered posting. (It comes with the territory, I suppose.)
    Don't get down. Come here and vent and shout and cry. We'll be here for you. I'm glad you found us. There are some really caring people on here.
    Keep posting. And I hope you have some happy days coming soon again! kissing
    Tons of support,
    Jaime

    IC angel helping families in need for the holidays. [email protected]

    Comment


    • #3
      (((((audrey)))) I am so sorry that you are feeling so frustrated rite now. But please dont give up. Dealing with chronic illness is hard. God does not hate you. If you ever want to talk. please feel free to pm me or email me at [email protected] grouphug
      christine.

      Newbie Angel- Giving support to those new to the boards with IC

      Angel over the airways- Lets get the word out on IC!

      Comment


      • #4
        The feelings you are having sound very much like clinical depression. My best suggestion is to call your doctor and tell him/her how you are feeling. This is not something you can talk yourself out of --- if you are suffering from depression, you need treatment. Please don't delay.

        Sending warm healing thoughts,
        Donna
        Stay safe

        Have you checked the ICN Shop?
        Click on ICN Shop at the top of this page. You'll find Bladder Builder and Bladder Rest, both of which we are finding have excellent results.

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        AUA Guidelines: https://www.ic-network.com/aua-guide...tial-cystitis/

        I am not a medical authority nor do I offer medical advice. In all cases, I strongly encourage you to discuss your medical treatment with your personal medical care provider. Only they can, and should, give medical recommendations to you.
        [3MG]

        Anyone who says something is foolproof hasn't met a determined fool

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        • #5
          Thank you for the replies. Christine, I very well might email you. I find this illness very disturbing. I am walking around in constant discomfort and am concerned about possible extreme pain...because I have experienced that last week for several days and it was frightening. I also do not have a confirmed dx yet and things are up in the air at the moment. I am depressed and just started Desiprmamine which is similar to Elavil. I have been on it once before when my migraines were very bad. I think it is hard not to be depressed with chronic illness. I found it bothersome the other day when a relative (one of the very few) commented about how weird it was that we have so much illness and tragedy in our family. Her husband has actually joked about our family being "cursed." I don't find it "weird" I find it sad, unfair and it lends itself to the question "why?" I'm feeling very lonely and insecure.

          Comment


          • #6
            grouphug grouphug grouphug God doesn't hate you. God loves you. God tests us on things to see where our faith is. He won't give us more than anything we can handle. I am so sorry for the loss of your Mom. I lost my mom in 1990 she was 51 years old. I will be praying for you. I pray that you will feel better soon. Hang in there.
            Hang in there , There is hope.
            There is hope. Prayer works.

            Love, Debbie

            Comment


            • #7
              Audrey - I feel moved to respond to your post but just feel that words are in adequate. I wish I had some stock answer about what you are dealing with and for all your questions.

              It doesn't seem fair when one person seems to have an overabundance of pain in his or her life. I will never understand that...

              One thing I know for certain - God does not hate you. I promise you that with all of my heart. He is crying right along with you.

              When I have been in particularly overwhelming and stressful circumstances, sometimes it is all I can do to just ask God to carry me. Some days it feels like too much to even put one foot in front of the other. I pray for acceptance BIGTIME during times like that. I pray to know God's will and to be guided to appropriate medical people who can help relieve my physical discomfort.

              I do not believe God is punishing you and I do not believe He is "doing this" b/c you do not attend church regularly. I do think going to a good church might widen your circle of support and provide you with news ideas and new ways of looking at life. But I do not believe God is angry about that and "getting back at you". He loves you. He loves us all.

              I hope that you are led to doctors who can get to the bottom of this and provide you with some relief. One thing that I have found helps me immensely is to reach out and help someone else when I am down. For some reason that boosts me up a bit. And I have to accept help when I am down, which is sometimes even harder. wink

              Please post or PM anytime you need to vent or cry or whatever. There will always be someone here for you. God works through people and there are sure some good people here. kissing
              Kim

              Diagnosed August 2001

              Current IC meds: Elmiron (since 2001), Levaquin (one pill after intercourse to prevent UTIs), Effexor (for depression & anxiety)


              Past IC meds: Amitriptyline (Elavil), Hydroxyzine (Vistaril), Detrol LA, Lexapro (for depression & anxiety, but also helped my IC) (They all helped, but I was able to discontinue them.)

              I've been virtually symptom free and able to eat & drink whatever I'd like for about 8 years now.

              *****************************

              “We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms -- to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way.” ~ Viktor Frankl

              “You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you.” ~ Brian Tracy

              Comment


              • #8
                Audrey,

                I think we have all experienced something similar to what you're going through, where it seems patently unfair that we have to suffer so many trials and tribulations with seemingly no respite.
                I personally don't believe that God metes out arbitrary punishment to some and not others. It's just one of the great mysteries of life that some of us are presented with very emotionally/physically challenging situations and all we can do is pray for strength and guidance while at the same time trying to proactively seek help and support from outside sources, like loved ones, doctors or therapists, if need be.

                I do echo others that have responded who have recommended counseling; when you reach the point where you feel despair, it can be a big help to have someone who is professionally trained to help you cope with the issues you're facing, so that they don't feel insurmountable anymore. And although I know it must be very difficult not to have extended family to lean on, remember that you do have your immediate family and of course, all of us on the boards who will listen and care about you. You are not alone; none of us ever truly are. grouphug
                Namaste

                "You must be the change you want to see in the world." - Mahatma Gandhi

                "The most important medicine is tender love and care" - Mother Teresa

                Proud mother of Ahleia, born on April 9, 2007

                -----------------------
                Diagnosed with:
                IC, OAB, Congenital urethral stricture, IBS, Vulvar vestibulitis, Heart murmur, Congenital cervical stenosis...but otherwise doing great!

                Meds:
                Currently in remission, but took the following for 3 years: Elmiron 200 mg., Elavil 25 mg., Detrol LA 4mg, Ovcon-35

                Health treatments/practices:
                Kripalu yoga, Chiropractic, Massage therapy and Reiki

                Comment


                • #9
                  Hello Audrey, and my heart went out to you when I read your post. You are not alone, we all here are part of your extended family, and will always be here to give you love, support and encouragement. I do agree with Donna, that you may be suffering with clinical depression with all the health problems you are experiencing and must seem overwhelming to you right now. I myself believe that God will help you through, and I personally think we have challenges at times to make us stronger, although it does not feel like it at the time. I know I have had my moments at times with health challenges. Please know that you can always come here and have the love and compassion from so many good women that care, please keep us posted as to how you are doing and try and get some help with your depression, it will mke a world of difference believe me. Take care and love and many hugs Iris hi kissing grouphug grouphug
                  Today and every day you are loved, so don't be anxious about tomorrow, God will take care of you tomorrow; Live one day at a time.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Faith: I am not going to lecture you on God. I am also one that does not practice my faith. I am there for funerals and weddings etc. But honestly, I don't think you have to be within hallowed walls to be a spiritual person. Your faith is inside of you. It is what is in your heart that matters. Asking God to please help is as much your right as it is anyone that attends church on a regular schedule. That does not make them a better person than you..EVER.
                    AAAAAA-MEN, sistah!!! wink
                    Kim

                    Diagnosed August 2001

                    Current IC meds: Elmiron (since 2001), Levaquin (one pill after intercourse to prevent UTIs), Effexor (for depression & anxiety)


                    Past IC meds: Amitriptyline (Elavil), Hydroxyzine (Vistaril), Detrol LA, Lexapro (for depression & anxiety, but also helped my IC) (They all helped, but I was able to discontinue them.)

                    I've been virtually symptom free and able to eat & drink whatever I'd like for about 8 years now.

                    *****************************

                    “We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms -- to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way.” ~ Viktor Frankl

                    “You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you.” ~ Brian Tracy

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Audrey, God does not punish, He cries as He watches us suffer, and He tries to help. I think some of us carry a burden for others, to teach them, It is unfair that we have we have to be one of the people carrying that burden, but don't think this is a punishment, because it isn't. My severe health problems began when I was 8 years old. I now have a huge list of things wrong. I see myself as a servent, carrying a burdan, so that others do not have to. (I feel connected to Jesus in that way) And although it looks like one thing after another, not really allowing you to have anytime with your health under control, maybe the purpose in that is so that they were not all at their worst at once.
                      I do not have the answers, but I do believe God loves you, is in pain when you are in pain, but just like a parent that sits at the door struggling to not go comfort their baby that just needs to fall asleep, God tries to give guidance, while still letting us learn some things for ourselves.
                      Peace Be With You grouphug
                      Faith, Hope, and Love,
                      Katrina


                      I believe God is using me. He uses me for God. Things I gain from all my suffering are meant to help others. I hope I can help you too. Email me or start a chat if you like my help or anything. I CARE!Illnesses: IC,IBS, IBD, GERD, PFD, Epilepsy, Endo, Allergies, RLM,Rapid heart beat, low blood pressure,Gastritis,Gall stones,Tendonitis,migraines, Shingles, Prolapsed pouch,ext. fatigue (current problem) I have seen periods of remission and I have seen them end and return. At this time remission is over and working on getting it back!

                      IC Volunteers are not medical authorities nor do we offer medical advice. In all cases, we strongly encourage you to discuss your medical treatment with your personal medical care provider. Only they can, and should, give medical recommendations to you.
                      or find me on facebook http://www.facebook.com/kat671?ref=profile
                      Be the Miracle! & Pay it Forward!

                      [email protected] please contact me...I am here to help!

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Movin,
                        Hey I read your "lengthy post" and you said it all very well.
                        I can see why you are the "go to Mom" for comfort.
                        Hugs!
                        Tons of support,
                        Jaime

                        IC angel helping families in need for the holidays. [email protected]

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Betsie Wetsie, I just have to comment on your lengthy post, I thought it was wonderfully written and expressed, and really touched on a few issues that I had gone through also in regard to illness. I always enjoy reading your posts, but I think this one deserves a gold star. I know I am one of the older folks here, but I really felt like I had my mum back talking to me through your post. Just had to let you know how much reading that meant to me, thanks Iris kissing grouphug
                          Today and every day you are loved, so don't be anxious about tomorrow, God will take care of you tomorrow; Live one day at a time.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Thank you everyone! I am feeling better today both physically and emotionally. I think the more I learn about the illness, especially about pain control, and the more support I get from this board...the better I feel. I truly appreciate what you are doing for me!!! grouphug

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Hi Audrey and Betsie Wetsie, first of all, Audrey glad you are feeling better, I know that it makes such a difference to feel like you have some control over your illness, and the IC family helps each of us in so many ways, it is a wonderful place to come, and share ourselves with each other, and I also thinks that helps us with our illness, personally it does me. Second to Betsie, you are very welcome, I loved that post and it really touched me. Glad you visited my homeland, hope that you can make it back there someday. My Mum was a very special person, one strong lady who conquered many adversities and came out fighting, and conquering them, I am so glad I had her for my mother. She was told when she was young at 18, she would never walk again, and she did, then she was told because of her heart, she would never have children, and she did, and raised us alone as my Dad died of cancer at a young age, so I always found my strength from her, and then when she died, some of my strength went with her. When I was diagnosed with IC, I needed her strength so much, and it took a while for mine to comeback, but being with all the gals on here, I am rock solid again with so much support, and when I read your post it was my mum whispering in my ear again, thanks and luv ya lots for that Iris hi kissing
                              Today and every day you are loved, so don't be anxious about tomorrow, God will take care of you tomorrow; Live one day at a time.

                              Comment

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