Just not sure anymore

[ICNJess]

I always try to keep a positive attitude. I know that God has a reason for doing things. I believe that He has a master plan, and that everything happens for a reason.

I can't help but lately ask "What are the reasons" and "Why"...

Why are so many of us sick? What have we done to deserve this? Why do bad things happen to good people? I know some people who are, well, a bad seed, and they live healthy and happily. And then there are families who are kind and want to help out anyone, and they are struggling to make ends meet, or one of their family memebers are gravely ill. Why?

I have good control over my IC now, and now for some reason, my possible CFS is just bringing me down. I was finally feeling getting back to feeling normal, and it got snatched away.

My good friend and IC sister on the boards, Kiyoka, said something valuable and inspiring to me. She said, "It is Lucifer (not sure if I can use his other names here) that is trying to take you away from God." So does that mean that the harder we pray, the more we go to church, the healthier we will become? I am so confused. I just need some spiritual reinforcement here.

I am trying so hard to cling to the faith I have, but so many bad things are happening within my family circle, that it hard to.

Thanks for listening, any spiritual input is so welcome!

[Iris]

Hi Jess, I liked you question, I know that I too believe that things happen for a reason, bad and good things. I cannot explain why, and know when I was going through a really bad time, I felt "what have we done to deserve this",and I felt the same way when I lost my Dad when I was sixteen, he was such a good person and my mother was really in a hard spot with two children to raise, I quit school and went to work to help out but I really felt for my younger brother, and my mother who was totally devestated. I feel that these things are send to challenge us, see if it makes us grow stronger and turn to our faith more to get us through. My best friend in San Antonio has the same opinion that Lucifer also tries to get in the way when things go wrong, but she has the greatest faith of anyone I know, she has been almost penniless at times and yet she tells me when I worry about her, the Lord will get me through and it is amazing how something always crops up to help her through that hurdle, she cannot work because she is in her 60s and has fibromyalgia, she has applied for disability and been turned down twice, this time she did not know if she would have a roof over her head by Christmas and she told me the other day she was offered to take care of the laundry room where she lives and the community meeting room, and she would get a much lower rent, its amazing she always has that faith. She is an inspiration at times to me because her faith is never shaken and believe me she has had a hard row to hoe, her husband divorced her and she had three children but they are all great kids and have done very well in life. It willbe interesting tosee others messages. Soory to read that your CFS is getting you down Jess, do hope that you will start to feel better soon, sorry I was not here yesterday to see how you were doing and the other gals, I spent a day with my daughter just yakking our way throught the day, while husbby was volunteering at the zoo. Take care and let me know how you are, love and hugs Iris hi grouphug

[felineperson3]

Hi Jesse,
Sorry you are feeling so down physically & spiritually. Do "keep the faith" and ask God to strengthen it to get you through this rough spot in your walk with Him. Yes, Lucifer (Satan) would like to draw you away from God by robbing you of your health and joy. Even in the Bible--remember the story of Job. Job had everything taken from him even his health to the point that his wife was telling him to curse God & die. But Job kept the faith and was an overcomer. I know exactly what you mean about Lucifer (Satan) having us look at people that live such immoral, ungodly lives and yet everything always seems to go so well and be so "rosy" for them, but do not be deceived by this. Our eternal home is much more important than any momentary pleasure we have in our walk on earth. This is just another one of Lucifer's (Satan's) tricks to try & coax us away from Jesus. This only works for him when we're in a "valley" and we're feeling down, anyway. Satan would never attack us when we're on a mountaintop. Lucifer (Satan) knows the Book (Bible) and knows how it all ends so his pleasure is to steal, kill, and destroy all he can while he still has time. So just keep right on trusting and praying. "Greater is He that is in you than he that is in the world!" I am praying for you, Jess, and I promise if you just keep holding Jesus's hand He will be faithful to His promise and walk right beside you through it all. Your question about "why do bad things happen to good people" is answered in whole by the life of Jesus. He was perfect and lived a perfect life yet was persecuted and crucified. So just keep your eyes fixed on Him and say whenever you feel Satan attacking you either in thought or deed--"Get thee behind me, Satan" and call on Jesus to help you. grouphug & kissing to you & angel angel angel to watch over you.

[vm]

I don't have an answer for why bad things happen either. Or why God allows them to happen in some instances... What I do believe is that God is right there with you as you ask the questions and as you are feeling distant, confused, angry, sad, etc.

When I was going through a particularly rough year, some of the difficulties were based on some poor choices other people in my life made. I believe God allows us that free will and we abuse it from time to time.

I knew He was right there with me during that time, carrying me, reaching out to me through other people, through the Net, through books I read, etc. I prayed a lot for acceptance of His will for my life (b/c if I really am in a place of acceptance, it won't bother me) and basically prayed what the serenity prayers says:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.

I have prayed a lot to be led to appropriate medical care and information. I know it is in His time and not mine, as crazy as that makes me sometimes. But he is coordinating things for so, so many of us that to immediately grant us something we think we need right then may deny another something...

I am rambling and not a word of it may be true, but it has brought me some comfort through the years. I think He can take a mess that mankind has made and bring something good from it eventually. I have met so many good people here and have gotten such sympathy for people who are ill. Something I never even really thought about before. I was healthy and in my own healthy world...

</end ramble> lmao

[auntiedeb]

Jess, I often get down and question too. But do you know the poem of Footprints where Jesus carries us when we can't carry ourselves. I do have faith and I do pray. God allow things for a reason, we may not know right away or never know until we get up to heaven. But I know the Lord loves us and is always there for us. He has chosen us to have ic and other ailments in order to help others with the same things and to be there for one another. I haven't gone to church in years and I miss it but I want to find a church where I can be comfortable and get to know others too. God loves you. He is there for you. Keep reaching out to him. Just tell Satan to leave you alone. Kick him out. the more you trust in the Lord, Satan will try to attack you. He knows you are God's child. hang in there, Keep the faith. I am praying for you.

[Iris]

Hi Jesse, I think Carley, Kim and Deb have some very good points, and I have the Serenity prayer in my bathroom, and hanging on the wall over my bed and I look at that and read it when one of those downer days come along, also the Footprints is an excellent piece of reading. I really agree that we just have to keep the faaith, know the Lord is always there for us, and I believe there is always a reason for what is going on our lives, and I know living with IC has made a heck of a difference in my life and the way I approach life now, and it brought me to all of you gals, that have filled my life with so much joy and good feelings even though I have IC, I would never have had all of you in my life, I say thank you to the Lord every day for giving me all of you, God bless and hugs Iris kissing hi

[michaela]

Jess,

First off I am a mormon. Don't know how many people feel about it. It's a religeon that is very misinterepted by many people. Anyway i have always been taught that suffering is supposed to bring you closer to God. In a sense it's his hopes that thru your pain you will turn to him for guidance. I'm sure we all have done our share of praying and we all probably have different opinions. I believe that we will be rewarded in the afterlife or whatever comes after we die. I know that doesn't help us right now but all i can give you is hope that things will get better. You are strong and have been thru so much, God has helped you every step of the way. He will continue to do so if you continue to have faith.

Praying for you,
Michaela

[Alleycat]

Jess~

I myself have asked the same question and often wonder why the "bad seeds" get to live a healthy life or in other situations, the drunk driver usually lives and kills the innocent. I have not an answer to those situations, but God does and he may be the only one that knows why that particular person either passes on or gets ill. But I look at it this way, God has a plan for everyone and knows our future and the next step we take. God has just made us stronger and I think most of our faith in Him has grew since we all have developed IC. I know mine has, and I look at life differently now. I too have my IC under control but during those flares, the question runs across my mind again. I notice I do this at times, I only look and pray to Him in times of trouble but when things are good and Im feeling fine, I dont take the time to thank Him. We should talk to Him always cause he is right there beside at all times. He never promised us a perfect life or tomorrow but He would be there when he needed him. So when Satan gets in the way , dont become weak and give in cause that is what he wants you to do, look to Christ and pray to him, he will hear you.

We live by faith, not by sight. angel
-2 Corinthians 2:20

[ICNJess]

Thank you all for the spiritual lift. It did inspire me. Last night I felt vulnerable and alone, so I did pray and eventually got to sleep, and today, I do feel better (Spiritually). I guess I just needed a boost from my IC family.

grouphug grouphug angel angel

Hugs and prayers out to all of you,
Jess

[michaela]

Jess,

Glad to hear you are feeling better! We all get down in the dumps but usually something or someone wink always lifts us back up.

God Bless,
Michaela

[Iris]

Hi Jess, really glad to read your post and you are feeling better today. We all get those days I think where we are feeling low and need each other at those times. That is one good aspect of IC we can all share, is that we have each other to rely and depend on, and get support from, when that extra love and caring is needed. So glad that we are all here for each other and happy to see you feeling better Jess, take a big hug for yourself and much love to my IC Iris hi kissing grouphug

[auntiedeb]

Jess, I am so glad to hear that you are feeling better. We all get down and depressed. I am praying for you. suffering is hard to do but I know it brings us closer to the Lord. Jesus suffered, He died on the cross with all those nails for us. Ouch. He must know what ic feels like. I feel that I have ic to help others with it and give them hope. I know I had a couple of remissons over the last years with it and when I have a good day I should be thankful. I might have mini-remissons. I woke up this morning with no flare and pain. First time in a week that has happened. Thank God. I am sore today, first day back to work. They all missed me and welcomed me back. I was amazed that they missed me. Sometimes my faith isn't so strong. I haven't gone to church in years but I do pray and belive in prayer and have the Lord in my heart. You just hang in there and feel better. I also sent you a pm.

[Teri]

{{{{{Jess}}}}} So glad that you are feeling better. I try very very hard never to ask "why"....I'm afraid if I ask it will mean that the diseases win and I refuse to let them win. Yep, they may keep me down, in bed, on the couch or what ever but I refuse to let them win.

Going thru my sisters Melenoma with her is teaching me so much. And, for the first time in forever she is seeing what my life has been like and the two of us are closer than ever. We have carried grudges toward each other for our entire lives.....50 years worth and now we are the very best of friends. It angers me that my sister has to be dying for us to be so close....I finally have her and I'm going to loose her. For now, we will continue to teach each other and LOVE each other. Had it not been for the cancer, we would never have found this love.

So, there isn't much reason to ask "why"....if we really look around, we will find an answer. Maybe not the one we want but we will find one.

[felineperson3]

hi Jesse,
Glad you're feeling better today!

Your messages on the boards are a real inspiration to newcomers that are struggling. I KNOW from having read them long before I joined or ever posted. After reading all the messages posted to you after your posted question this shows your influence on others and how God is using you to help others. I've noticed many times posts end up with no or few replies so this should be another lift to your spirits. God always has his instruments poised and ready to help His own in their daily struggles. Keep the Faith and continue shining like you do!!!
grouphug & kissing May God continue to bless and keep you! angel angel angel

[ICNJess]

Carley--

You will never know how much those kind words mean to me. Thank you so much. kissing

Hugs and love,
Jess kissing grouphug angel angel