My Hubby Kept the Onions a Secret - Boo Hoo

[futurehope]

Oh well, I don't really know what to think.

I spent days in pain after chicken soup (yummy, I might add), and the people on this forum made me realize it probably was the onions - even if they were cooked.

Well, my hubby knew from that episode what the soup did to me. So, I just found out that he had put onions in the chicken soup again last week and DIDN'T TELL ME.

Meanwhile, I was trying to figure out what I did wrong because I noticed my bladder burning after I ate the soup. I figured he had put in some black pepper or something. I began looking at everything else I was eating.

So, he says he just cannot make his soup without onions. "Don't eat it".

I'm disappointed, sad that he ignored my difficulties, frustrated because I can't eat something yummy, and depressed. I will have to forgive him for ignoring my problems or this Valentine's Day will rapidly become a downer.

Guess I have to learn that other people just don't get it. Onions - pain.
And that's the way it goes.

It's difficult enough depriving yourself. It's even more difficult when your spouse thinks it's all in your head.

[Sarojini]

I'm so sorry. That's awful. I wish I could go over there and hit your hubby in the head with the soup pan!!! He needs some sense knocked into him.

Yes, you need to get over it, BUT SO DOES HE. You guys need to sit down and have a serious talk about this, because he is NOT being fair to you. Has he read any literature on IC? If not, bring some to your talk with him and make him read it; sometimes seeing the disease in print is more powerful than just hearing it from you, unfortunately. He needs to understand that this is a real disease, that you do have diet restrictions, and that you are not just insulting his soup-making abilities (which he may well think, so he's ignoring you by saying he won't make it differently).

[traceann]

I am so sorry to hear that! Sometimes for me when first starting the diet it seemed like hubby was "rebelling" against the IC - there was a time for a get-together that he planned all kinds of snacks to eat while watching the football game - but nothing I could eat. I was DEVASTATED to say the least. After a lengthy discussion (arguement, lol) about it, the next day of the game-watching he went to the store and bought me a ton of friendly snacks so I could have plenty to eat. He went overboard, lol.

But I think what the root of the problem was he didn't want me to be sick - he wanted me to be all better and thought that if he just ignored it, it would go away. I think he had a hard time seeing me hurting all the time, and not able to do a dang thing about it.

And I think there was also a bit of well, selfishness. The "what about me!?!" thing. So much of our lives became about what I could do, what I couldn't do, what I could eat, what I couldn't eat - all about me. Granted not center of "attention" in a good way, but it pretty much dominated everything. So, I think that was his version of rebelling, lol. A mini-civil war if you will, lol.

Like you, I'd probably let it go for now, and then talk about it in general once I'd thought about exactly what I wanted to say to make my point that he'd listen to. I know mine closes his ears the minute he thinks that I am going to chew him out or criticize something etc. He needs to know that you guys are a team and it's a comfort to think that he's got your back etc etc etc....that the world is harsh enough out there - home is where you should have your safe haven etc etc etc...

Anyway, I hope you have a good Valentine's Day, despite everything - you know you've got all of us as Valentines!!!!!

BIG HUGS!!!

[futurehope]

The Closure on the Episode (of onions in the soup)

Okay, folks. This is how it all played out. I decided to be hurt, frustrated, upset, whatever, but to keep relatively quiet about it as it IS Valentine's Day, we are both home together in this icy weather, and, well....

I want to have a peaceful home. You know. So, I "swallowed" it.

I did express my dismay over his not telling me about the onions in the soup last week but I told him that I didn't want to argue even though I couldn't help showing some anger when I first found out.

Fast forward, this afternoon. Hubby and I had a pleasant enough afternoon together, walking around the mall near our home and just being home, and he suggested we stop in the grocery store to pick out something I could eat (so I didn't have to eat the soup with the onions).

Moral of the story: If I stay sane, and keep from getting all upset, he does hear me and he responds. I'm sure this diet thing is tough for him, because he is such a good cook and loves to do things his way. But he did hear me and responded. So, we're both doing the best we can with this "IC thing".

Thanks for your understanding. It does wonders to know you all here understand. It makes me realize I'm not alone.

Happy Valentine's to you all.....

[ICNDonna]

One thing you might try is to buy some leeks next time you go shopping. They are a very good onion substitute and you may be able to eat those in soups without irritation. I suggest you try just a little until you know for sure.

Hugs,
Donna

[UCSB]

Sounds inexcusably inconsiderate to me. How hard is it to cook two batches (one without onions, one with) or to just add the onions after your portion has been separated? Sorry, I can't make excuses for this kind of behavior. Glad that you did work it out in the end ... and perhaps he is starting to understand.